She had prepared herself for this, but all her hours of preparation now flew out the window as she looked at him, despairingly aware that he still had as much of an effect on her now as he had the last time she had seen him. So much for time and its great healing properties.
Not wanting to leave the door because it represented her fastest route out, Rose remained hovering where she was, not quite sure how to answer his frowning observation, until he told her to have a seat. He actually stood up, pointed to the chair facing his and then proceeded to perch on the side of the desk so that she was forced to sidle forwards and sit at an awkward angle to avoid contact with his thigh.
‘Well?’ he demanded. ‘Haven’t you been eating?’
‘I haven’t come here to talk about my diet, Nick,’ Rose answered irritably. She was aware that she was fiddling with the hem of her skirt and made herself stop. Nervous gesture. But she had a lot to be nervous about. In fact, she had spent the past two weeks in a state of near panic. Ever since she had clocked that she had missed a period. Ever since she had gone to the chemist’s and bought one of those home pregnancy kits that were virtually one-hundred-per-cent accurate, leaving no doubt that she was well and truly pregnant with Nick’s baby. That last time—no contraception. It had been wild and spontaneous and, unlike the very first time they had made love when they had omitted to use contraception, she hadn’t been in her safe period.
And, yes, she had lost weight. She hadn’t been eating properly and although, standing naked in front of the mirror, she could see that her stomach was more rounded, everywhere else was skinny in comparison to the curvy woman she had been. Who needed diets to lose weight? A healthy dose of misery worked a treat.
Not that she would look thinner for much longer.
She closed her eyes and felt suddenly dizzy. It was a good thing that she was sitting down. Collapsing on his office floor would have been a very disadvantageous way to begin proceedings.
‘What’s the matter?’ Nick frowned because for a minute there he had actually thought that she was going to faint. Something kicked hard inside him, some inarticulate fear that she was ill. He removed himself back to his chair and tried to get himself together, because once that thought had inserted itself in his head it began to eat away at his logic, burrowing away until he was consumed with the conviction that there was something ominous that she was keeping from him.
For the first time since she had been announced, Nick entertained the possibility that she might not have come to his office because she wanted to engineer a reconciliation.
He had been on a high, anticipating her stammering admission that she couldn’t keep away from him. He had even begun playing with thoughts of how the rest of his day would pan out. At his place. Uninterrupted sex. Touching her, feeling her, enjoying the things she could do to his body and all the myriad things he could do to hers.
But, now she was sitting in front of him, he could see that she was pale. This was not the demeanour of a woman looking forward to embarking on a heady and fulfilling sexual relationship with a man.
In fact, this was the demeanour of a woman who was nervous about blurting out an uncomfortable truth. Nick, astute when it came to reading other people, felt something shift inside him. He was scared, terrified in fact.
Everything seemed to slow down and he became uncomfortably aware that he had broken out in nervous perspiration. He could barely ask the question he knew he had to.
‘Would you like something to drink? Tea? Coffee? I could ask my secretary to bring you some…’
Just the thought of tea or coffee made Rose feel nauseous. She went a couple of shades paler and shook her head.
‘I won’t be long, Nick,’ she said, clearing her throat and making an effort not to be pathetic.
‘No rush. Mind if I have a cup of coffee?’ He buzzed through to his secretary to bring him in a cappuccino and Rose smiled wanly at him.
‘Since when do you ask permission for anything, Nick?’
Since he wanted to buy some time before he heard what she had to say?
He was increasingly convinced that there was something seriously wrong with her. She looked terrible. As white as a sheet. And not because she was nervous, even though she clearly was. No, there was something underlyingly wrong, and as something close to terror continued to eat away at him Nick realised, in a moment of truth, what he had been missing all along.
He had let his own stubborn pride dictate his life. Nick Papaeliou, the man who could have any woman he desired, who had lived his life taking his pick and telling himself that his freedom was the most important thing he possessed, had clung to his vow never to commit like an idiot clinging to a lifebelt in a bath. No woman had ever been able to tempt him out of his conviction that bachelordom was the only way to go and so, when Rose had come along, he had steadfastly ignored all the glaring signs that had gradually begun to clutter his life.
He had mistaken his missing her when she wasn’t around as missing her body. He had longed for her and explained it away as just a normal red-blooded-male reaction to craving a woman who turned him on. And when he had offered her the epitome of commitment as far as he was concerned, the chance to share his house with him, he had blithely assumed that the gesture signified no more than a desire to have what he wanted on tap until he became bored, until they both became bored.
Women had always eventually bored him and the fact that Rose was not included in that category had been so obvious from the start and yet so easy to ignore.
He could have kicked himself.
She had told him that she loved him and what had he done? Asked her to prove it by doing the one thing she didn’t want to do: move in with him.
And now here she was and it sure as hell wasn’t to set that particular little situation right.
She was here to tell him…what?
That she was ill. Thinking about that possibility made him feel instantly sick when his cappuccino was brought in and placed on the desk in front of him.
She was trying hard to be brave and meet his eyes, but she physically couldn’t. He could see that and it terrified him.
‘I can’t have this conversation with you in my office,’ he told her abruptly, and that, at least, made her raise her eyes and look at him.
‘But you don’t know what I’m going to say.’
‘I know it’s serious, whatever it is.’ He pushed the coffee away from him and stood up.
Rose failed to follow suit. Instead she watched as he slung on his jacket, her fists pressed into her lap.
‘I don’t want to go anywhere, Nick. I want to say what I have to say here. Where it’s impersonal…’
Nick shot her a brooding, sideways glance and hesitated before removing his jacket and carefully replacing it on its hanger. Then he walked towards the window and stared down at the city streets below, trying to get his thoughts in order, filled with a cold, clawing panic and the painful knowledge that he had to say what he had to say before she unleashed whatever truth it was she had come to impart to him.
He could feel her eyes on him and, sure enough, he turned around to find her watching him.
‘Look,’ he began, ‘I’m…I don’t know how to say this…’ He raked his fingers through his hair and shook his head, suddenly restless and uncomfortable. ‘I’ve never said this to anyone before…’
Rose, having screwed up every ounce of courage she possessed to tell him what she had to and as quickly as possible, breathed a silent sigh of relief that he was doing the talking. Okay, it was just a case of putting off the inevitable and it was cowardly, but she relaxed just a tiny bit.
She was also curious, even though she didn’t want to be. She hadn’t come to