‘And does she live here in Hong Kong?’
‘No, she’s in London.’ Another change of subject seemed like a good idea, so I went with it. ‘What about you? You have a boyfriend or something anywhere that I should know about? Because if you do you really should have told me way before this.’
Thea looked away, her lashes sweeping down and veiling her gaze. ‘No. I don’t have a boyfriend.’
‘Well, not one you’ve slept with, I guess.’
‘I don’t have one at all.’ Her voice was steady and calm, and if I hadn’t been listening I wouldn’t have heard the edge in it. ‘I’ve never had one.’
‘Never?’ I asked, surprised despite myself.
‘Mr Chen was very clear. We couldn’t have...attachments. It was too risky for the business.’
Shit, that sounded terrible. Especially for a passionate woman like her.
‘Even friends?’ Part of me didn’t want to ask because I had a feeling I already knew the answer. ‘Anyone at all?’
She didn’t look at me, her gaze on my chest. ‘Not really. I had a pet once. A bird. But he sang too loudly and it drew attention. Mr Chen didn’t like attention.’
Christ. My past was pretty crap, but at least I’d had Morgan, Ulysses and Everett. But poor Thea had had no one. No one at all.
No wonder she’s hungry. She needs contact.
I kept on stroking her, her skin warm beneath my fingers. ‘And since his death?’
Her shoulder lifted. ‘I had to protect his legacy and he was very clear how it had to be done. I’ve never been caught and there’s a reason for that.’ She paused, then added, ‘I never thought I was lonely. Not until...’ She stopped again, clearly reluctant.
The heavy thing in my chest shifted, and even though I knew what was coming and dreaded it I put a finger beneath her chin and tilted her head up so I could see her face anyway. ‘Until?’
Her gaze was very dark. ‘Until I met you.’
That latent protectiveness inside me tightened and I wanted to shove it away hard, pretend it didn’t exist. Because I didn’t want vulnerability. I didn’t want her to look at me the way she was looking at me right now, as if I could give her what she needed, because I couldn’t.
But I couldn’t ignore what she’d said either. Or at least, I could, but that would hurt her and I didn’t want to hurt her. So I tried some distraction instead, stroking her with my other hand, my fingers finding the little knots of tension at the nape of her neck and massaging gently. ‘I’m sorry, Sugar. That can’t have been easy.’
She leaned back, arching her neck, her eyes half-closed once more, clearly enjoying my touch. ‘No, it wasn’t. What about your sister, then? Tell me about her.’
It was a change of subject I was more than ready to let her have, even though I didn’t particularly want to talk about my sister.
‘Morgan?’ I said. ‘She’s about five or so years younger than me and probably ten times smarter. She manages Black and White’s PR, and somehow also manages to keep Ulysses in line, which requires some massive fucking patience.’
Thea’s mouth softened and her lashes lifted slightly, the darkness of her eyes gleaming from underneath them. ‘You care about her, don’t you?’
The question caught me off-guard and the words slipped before I could stop them. ‘She’s my sister,’ I said simply. ‘I’d move heaven and earth for her if I could.’
And yet you haven’t been to London in years. You haven’t seen her since you sent her away.
Yeah, because it was easier to be here in Hong Kong, away from her. Where she wasn’t in my face, asking me questions I didn’t want to answer, reminding me of a responsibility I never asked for and didn’t want.
‘She’s lucky to have you for a brother,’ Thea said and there was a huskiness to her tone, the faint edge of longing.
I wanted to tell her that Morgan was far from lucky to have me for a brother. That I’d had to make some shitty choices and those choices had ended up hurting her, no matter how many times I’d smiled at her, hoping to make the bad things go away.
That caring about people was nothing but a god damned burden and I didn’t want it any more.
But I didn’t tell Thea any of that.
Instead, I smiled the same empty smile that I knew she could see right through, because that was all I knew how to do when it came to handling this type of bullshit.
Her gaze narrowed slightly, but all she said was, ‘You must be looking forward to seeing her, then.’
‘What? For the non-profit launch?’ I tried to stay relaxed, tried not to tense up at the thought of having to face Morgan in the flesh after so long. Going to London hadn’t been my choice but there was no way to avoid it. The launch was too important and I had to be there.
I figured I’d just pretend that five years hadn’t passed since I’d seen her. That everything was fine and nothing was wrong, nothing at all.
Yeah, that’ll work out just fine.
The thought was snide so I ignored it, smiling at Thea yet again, conscious of just how much of a mask it was. ‘Of course I am,’ I said blithely. ‘I can’t fucking wait.’
She didn’t say anything, but then she didn’t have to. I could see the knowledge in her dark eyes reflected back at me.
She knew I was lying as much as I did.
‘You want another drink?’ I changed the subject without any grace at all, shifting her so I could move. ‘Our dinner will be here soon.’
Thea caught my hand, her fingers threading through mine as I got up, stopping me. Her expression was open and I could see the concern in her eyes. ‘I know it’s weird to say, since we haven’t known each other long. But...you can trust me, okay?’
That hit me like a damned bullet right in the centre of my chest and I didn’t know why. Trust her with what? With my past? With my memories?
Either way, I didn’t want to ask, because I didn’t want to know. I wasn’t going to tell her anything more, that was for certain.
I smiled again, even though I knew she wasn’t fooled, then raised our joined hands and kissed the back of hers. ‘Of course. Wait here; I won’t be long.’
I let her go and went inside, my heart beating like a fucking drum, and for a second I just stood in the living area, the tinted windows giving me some protection from Thea’s knowing black eyes.
She was still looking towards where I stood, still looking concerned.
You’re letting her get to you.
Was I? Shit, if I felt this way after only one conversation, then yes, I definitely was. And it had to stop. Both for her sake and mine.
My phone vibrated suddenly in my pocket and I reached down, pulling it out to check the screen.
Morgan.
She was pretty much the last person I wanted to speak to right now, but I could never deny her anything, so I hit the answer button.
‘Hey, kiddo,’ I said as if nothing was wrong and never had been. ‘What’s the news?’
‘The news is that you’re still expected in London in two days.’ That was Morgan. Cool and calm and blunt as a brick to the head. ‘I need to know you’ll be there.’
I closed my eyes, gritting my teeth. ‘Of course I’m going to be there. Are you calling to remind