‘Nina …’ He was chasing something and he didn’t know what it was. He could feel her wanton beneath him, every lift of her hips bringing him closer. Her mouth was as probing as his, on his neck on his shoulders, her fingers scratching his back. It was the best sex he could remember, but he wanted something more. She was moaning beneath him and he guided her towards freefall, except he was used to more cheering from the stands, for the chant of his name or shouts of approval, for a giddy declaration as he hit the mark. He didn’t need it and never had he actually wanted it, but as she throbbed beneath him, as he gave in to the sheer pleasure, Jack still wanted more.
His tongue was cool when he kissed her afterwards and she lay there, catching her breath for a very suitable while.
So now she knew just how good sex could be and all it did was confuse her, because she just couldn’t imagine feeling like this with another man. She looked at Jack and he looked at her and Nina had to be very sure that she held onto her heart, but he had no idea of the gift he’d just given her. Even if soon he’d move on from her.
No idea at all.
‘I’m going to get a taxi …’
He almost laughed.
A black laugh perhaps, because how many times had he lain in this very bed, wishing he could hear those words rather than have to do the conversation thing in the morning?
And now he had them from the one woman he didn’t want to hear them from.
‘You’re not getting a taxi, your clothes are all torn …’ Jack said. ‘I’m not putting you in a taxi with no underwear on.’
‘Drive me, then.’
‘I will,’ Jack said, and pulled her over to him. ‘In the morning.’
Most mornings he woke up feeling somewhat stifled, an arm draped around him, or fingers running up his back, or, worse, the smell of breakfast and the sound of talking, except when he woke at six the next morning, Nina was exactly where she’d removed herself about two minutes after he’d pulled her over towards him.
Curled up on the edge of the bed and facing away from him.
IT ACTUALLY WASN’T awkward when Nina saw Jack at work.
She was too busy.
She was allocated several new families and as the days passed her paperwork piled up, but there was always somewhere else she needed to be.
‘How are you doing?’ She smiled at Tommy, who was looking so much better than he had on admission. The oncology nurse Gina was adding something to his IV and smiled at Nina. The medication had, for now, stopped the seizures and there was some colour in his cheeks, though it wouldn’t be for long. Tommy was starting chemotherapy on Monday and from what she had heard it was going to be especially gruelling.
‘Good,’ Tommy said, and then introduced her to the woman sitting by his bed. ‘This is my aunt, she’s staying for the weekend.’
‘I’m Kelly.’ Tommy’s aunt smiled. ‘I’ll be coming back as often as I can. Mike’s got a job interview today, but he’s coming in this afternoon.’
‘That’s good.’
It was awful.
Nina couldn’t believe how hard it was for this family, couldn’t fathom having to look for a job when your child was so sick. She was trying to arrange some accommodation for Mike nearer the hospital for the times Tommy would be here during his treatments, but there was only so much she could do and as she said her goodbyes and walked off, Gina voiced what she was thinking.
‘Cruel, isn’t it?’
Nina nodded. ‘I’m going to look into it all again—see if there is anything more the department can do.’
‘The poor man’s trying to be in five different places at once, and the only place he wants to be is here with his son.’ Gina sighed and when Nina got back to her office she sat with her head in her hands for a moment, because she’d added mandatory counselling to the list of places where Mike needed to be.
And again she questioned herself.
Still, she couldn’t dwell on it for too long as she needed to add an urgent addendum to her report for court the next day.
Jack had rung a few times but she’d kept it short, had told him she was snowed under with work, had done everything to not give in to the urge to repeat things with him.
Yes, she had enough to contend with and it wasn’t going to get easier any time soon, Nina thought as an angry Janey landed in her office at four p.m., after school, sulking, angry and confused about why Nina now had the three-bedroomed apartment but they still hadn’t moved in with her.
‘I’ve applied to be guardian for both you and Blake and the department has to come and inspect the flat and check everything thoroughly.’
‘Yeah, well, I don’t believe you,’ Janey shouted when Nina told her that she’d put the application in as soon as she’d secured the apartment. ‘If you really wanted us, you’d have had us living with you years ago.’
Janey used words like knives and hurled them at Nina regularly, but though Nina had learnt to deflect most of them, these were the ones that hurt the most, because it killed her that she hadn’t been able to keep her family together.
‘It’s not that straightforward, Janey.’ Nina did her best to stay calm. ‘And it’s not fair to Barbara either, for me to just—’
‘Barbara’s a cow!’ Janey huffed.
‘I don’t like you speaking like that.’
‘Well, she is.’
Nina gritted her teeth and not for the first time questioned if she was up to the job of dealing with such an angry teenager. Of course, professionally she was but, as she often said to tearful parents who sat in this office and asked how she handled things so well, she got a break from it, got to go home at the end of each day. If things went well, in a few weeks she could be fully responsible for Janey, and what scared Nina the most was that if she wasn’t up to the job, Janey’s bad behaviour would escalate.
‘Things are moving forward,’ Nina said. ‘I know it seems to be taking ages but I haven’t been in the apartment long. Why don’t we go and get something to eat and I’ll show the photos I’ve taken? I’ve got all the furniture now for your room.’
‘I thought you were working.’
‘I’m going to be working till late,’ Nina said, ‘so I can take a break now.’
They took the lift and there were several choices where they could eat—there were a few cafés in the hospital so that parents could come and share a meal with their child if they were able to, or to spend some time away from the bedside with siblings and such. The whole hospital was geared to being not just child friendly but family friendly, but Nina was starting to feel as if her dream of her family being together was fading before it even had a chance to take off. Maybe they’d do better just walking.
‘What do you want to eat?’
She was met with Janey’s shrug.
They settled for the coffee bar and took a seat at the back where it was a quiet enough to talk. Nina bought Janey her favourite muffin and frappe and herself a regular coffee, deciding she wasn’t hungry yet and would get something to eat later.
‘Here.’
Should it annoy her that Janey didn’t bother to say thank you? Should she let the small things go?
No.
She thought of their parents, how