“I’m glad,” she said, soothing the angry, tense muscles with her fingers. As before, his right leg was far worse than his left.
“I found it,” Dan said in a low voice, bringing in the electric heating pad. He set it up while she finished the massage. She applied the heating pad to Josh’s right leg and within moments the boy was out for the count, sound asleep.
She followed Dan from Josh’s room, partially closing the door behind her. When they reached the living room, he surprised her by drawing her toward the sofa. “Please sit down for a moment.”
She sat, knowing he meant to continue the conversation they’d started during Josh’s party. She linked her fingers together to hide her nervousness.
He sat in the chair to her right so that he could face her. “Molly, there’s so much I want to say to you, I don’t even know where to start. First of all, thanks for everything you did today. Your idea for Josh’s birthday party was brilliant. And I’ll never forget the look on Josh’s face when he saw all of you standing behind the banner, yelling, ‘Surprise!’”
She couldn’t help but smile. “The look on his face was priceless, wasn’t it? And you did a lot of the work, too.” She paused, and then added, “I’m so happy when I see how you and Josh are together now, compared to the day we first met. You’ve accomplished a minor miracle, Dan.”
“You’re the miracle, Molly,” he said in a low, husky tone. “I owe everything to you.”
“No, Dan, I’m sure you would have found your way back together again, even without my help.” She lifted her gaze up to meet his. “You’re a good father. You love Josh and I’m convinced your love can get you through any thing.”
“Molly.” He reached over to rest the palm of his hand against her cheek. “You have to understand something. I don’t really know much about love. My mother—well, let’s just say I was a major inconvenience in her life. She never once let me forget how everything that was bad in our lives was my fault.”
She felt herself pale, and brought up her hand to cover his. “That’s terrible, Dan. How terrible of her to say those things to you!”
He rubbed his thumb across her cheek, but then pulled away, rising to his feet and turning his back as he began to pace. “Leaving home, going to college and then getting into medical school was the best thing I ever did. Everyone kept telling me what a great doctor I was, how much talent I had. I was at the top of my class, and then quickly rose to the top of my career. And when I met Suzy she claimed to adore me, so I married her.”
He turned to face her, his gaze full of despair, and her heart ached for him. “But she didn’t love me, she only wanted my money. I basically went from one loveless existence to another. Until Josh was born.”
“I know you loved your son the moment you saw him,” she murmured.
“Yes, I did. I do. I’ve been wrestling with guilt over the accident that put Josh in the wheelchair, even though I know the other driver was primarily at fault. Still, I’ve been trying hard to move forward.”
“Dan, surely you realize that the accident might have happened even if you hadn’t been distracted. The guy ran a red light, right?”
“Yes, you’re right. And I’m getting better there, but I’m afraid that without you I’ll fall back into my old patterns.”
“You won’t, Dan. I believe in you. And to be honest, I feel like having me around will only get in the way.” Saying the words, remembering how Josh and Dan had looked as they’d wheeled themselves down to Central Park that day, made her realize why she needed to leave.
Now. Before she lost any more of her heart.
“What are you saying?” he asked hoarsely.
She steeled her resolve. “I’m saying you need to take the time to concentrate on your relationship with your son.” She ignored the cracks rippling through her heart, breaking it into zillions of pieces. “Without allowing anything else getting in the way.”
“Is that really what you think?” he asked, his face pale.
She forced herself to nod. “Yes, that is exactly what I think.” She rose to her feet and forced herself to take a step toward the door. “I care about you and Josh. And I only want you to be happy.”
“Don’t go,” he said, and the tortured expression on his face nearly brought her to her knees.
“I have to.” She lifted one shoulder in a helpless shrug. “I’m sorry, Dan, but I think you need to come to grips with your past and your present before you can even begin to contemplate a future.”
He froze, as if pierced by her words. And in that moment she knew her gut instincts were right.
He wasn’t ready for a true give-and-take relationship. Wasn’t ready to be vulnerable enough to fall in love. For a moment her resolve wavered, because she could see just how clearly he needed someone to love him.
The way she loved him.
Yet didn’t she deserve that same love in return? She’d given herself to James and his sons, and for what? No, she couldn’t bear to have her heart broken again.
So she turned and left his apartment, intent on taking the subway home. And she wasn’t sure which hurt more. Leaving him when she so badly wanted to stay or the grim knowledge that he hadn’t tried to stop her.
The moment Molly left, Dan stared at the closed door, feeling more alone than ever before in his entire life. Worse than when Suzy had left him with their one-year-old son.
But the truth in her words resonated deep within him. Maybe she was right. Maybe he did need to resolve his past and his present relationship with Josh, before he could contemplate a future.
She’d told him he was a good father, but he wasn’t sure if that was really true. His relationship with Josh had come a long way, and he wasn’t about to lose the ground they’d gained, but instinctively he knew that having Molly around wouldn’t distract him. He fought a rising sense of despair. He needed Molly to help show him the way.
He needed Molly to love him.
The way his mother and Suzy hadn’t.
He’d grown beyond his mother’s bitterness, had managed to come out with a great career in spite of her, but for some reason Suzy’s betrayal seemed worse. Because he’d stupidly believed she’d loved him, even though she hadn’t.
He still resented her. For leaving him. For the way she’d spent his money and then tossed him aside as if he wasn’t good enough.
For distracting him the day of the crash. A crash that had almost killed Josh and had left him in a wheelchair.
He sank onto the edge of the sofa, cradling his head in his hands as bitter anger sloshed in his gut like bad whiskey. Maybe Molly was right. Maybe he needed to let go of his anger and resentment before he could move forward.
The image of baby Erica’s parents holding each other, drawing strength from each other, as they’d sat next to the tiny isolette flashed into his mind. He remembered doubting the ability of their love to survive the stress of having a sick infant.
But maybe he had it backward. Maybe the reason his and Suzy’s marriage had fallen apart after Josh’s birth had been because they hadn’t loved each other the way they should have in the first place.
Maybe true love held couples together during times of stress, rather than pulling them apart.
He’d known that things between him and Suzy hadn’t been great even before Josh had been born. She’d made no secret of the fact that she’d hated everything about being pregnant. He’d hoped things would change once the baby was born, but instead they had gone