No parent should spend the rest of their life looking at the calendar and marking off all the milestones that their child had missed.
She started to open packs and change, putting on a fresh set of theatre scrubs and tucking her hair up into the pink theatre cap. She had to get her head away from those thoughts. She had to get her head back into surgeon mode.
She walked through to Theatre and nodded to the anaesthetist, who was poised ready to start scrubbing at the sink.
Her registrar appeared at her side. ‘I was just looking at the chest X-ray of the little boy for the appendectomy. Fascinating, I’ve never seen a case of situs inversus before—have you?’
She shook her head. ‘No, I haven’t.’
Alex started scrubbing next to her.
He was staring ahead at the blank wall as he started automatically scrubbing his hands, nails and wrists. ‘I’ll probably never see one again in my career. This might be interesting to write up.’ He turned sideways, ‘Can’t there be complications in these kids? Heart defects and other problems? Some kind of syndrome?’
He was starting to annoy her now. He was clinically excellent, but a little too removed from his patients for Jessica’s liking. In her book caring was an essential component of being a paediatrician.
‘Yes, there can be a syndrome—Kartagener syndrome. People with situs inversus may have an underlying condition called primary ciliary dyskinesia. If they have both they are said to have Kartagener syndrome.’ She started scrubbing her nails with a little more ferocity. Just what she needed—a registrar who permanently thought the glass was half-empty.
She preferred the other approach—the glass half-full approach. Especially when it came to children.
‘You know, Alex, I’ve got a really sick little boy out there. His dad only brought him to our A and E department because he’s a friend of mine, and the GP has been fobbing off his son’s symptoms for days.’ She shook her hands to get rid of some of the water then started to dry them on a sterile towel.
‘I’d like you to think about that before we start. I’d like you to stop thinking about this little boy as a case for a medical journal. Think about him as a little boy who loves playing football, watching cartoons and eating chocolate cereal for breakfast. Think about him as the light of someone’s life. Because the patient comes before the disease in every set of circumstances.’
She pointed to the door.
‘Out there we have a father who is worried sick about his little boy. And even though I’ve been clear with him and given him the rundown of the surgery and the complications, he’s sitting out there right now, wondering if his little kid will have peritonitis, develop septicaemia or be the one in a million who will have a reaction to anaesthetic.’
The theatre nurse came over and held out her gown for her. She thrust her arms into the sleeves and snapped her gloves in place. ‘So let’s make sure that I don’t have to go out there and give him any bad news.’
She glared at him and stalked over to the theatre table.
You could have heard a pin drop.
She knew she’d been harsh.
She never acted like that at work.
And the staff in here all knew her personal set of circumstances. They understood exactly where she was coming from.
Harry Shaw, the elderly anaesthetist—who stood in as Father Christmas every year with his grey hair and beard—gave her a smile.
His voice was low. ‘You can do this, Jess.’ He gave a little nod of his head. ‘It’ll be a walk in the park.’
She watched as the trolley was wheeled in. She could only pray it would be.
‘WOW—JUST WOW.’
‘What are you talking about, Pauline?’
The sister from ITU gave her a smile and pointed behind her at the delivery guy, who could barely be seen beneath the beautiful spray of pink, purple and orange gerberas. Jess was on her feet in an instant, reaching up and touching one of the petals. ‘Aren’t they gorgeous?’
Pauline was quicker, pulling the card from the top of the bouquet. She spun it around. ‘Hmm…“For Dr Jessica Rae.”’ She held the card next to her chest as Jess reached over to snatch it. ‘I wonder who these could be from?’ She took a few steps away. ‘I’m guessing Mr Tall, Dark and Very, Very Handsome. Otherwise known as Callum Kennedy.’
Jess felt her cheeks flush. ‘Stop it!’ She grabbed the card, putting it into her pocket without reading it.
Pauline tutted. ‘I’m disappointed. He’s a member of the emergency services, he should know better.’
‘Know better about what?’
Pauline waved her hand. ‘That we don’t allow flowers in ITU.’
Jessica accepted the huge bunch of flowers and gave Pauline a smile. ‘But these flowers aren’t for ITU, these flowers are for me.’ She pushed open the door to her office and placed them on her desk. ‘Wow. Where on earth did he get these at this time of year?’
Pauline stood in the doorway and folded her arms over her chest. ‘Must have paid a pretty penny for them.’ She turned on her heel and walked away. ‘It must be love.’
Jessica’s stomach plunged. ‘No, Pauline.’ She pointed at the flowers. ‘These are just a thank-you for looking after Drew.’
‘Honey, a thank-you is a bunch of flowers from a supermarket. An enormous bouquet, delivered by a courier, That’s a whole lot more.’
Jess sank down into the nearest chair. ‘Oh.’
‘Oh? That’s all you can say? Just “Oh”?’ She sat next to Jess.
‘What did the card say?’
Jess bit her lip. Did she really want to get into this conversation? She dug into her pocket again and pulled the card out. Pauline was right, this wasn’t just a thank-you. And she had a sneaking suspicion what it might be.
She read the message.
This was gigantic apology and a thank-you.
‘What is it?’ Pauline leaned forward and touched her hand.
‘It’s an apology.’
‘An apology? What’s Callum got to apologise for?’ Her eyes narrowed, she was automatically moving into protective mode.
‘It’s…it’s awkward.’
‘What’s awkward about it?’
Jess let out a sigh. ‘He didn’t tell me about Drew. The first time I found out was when he brought him in with appendicitis.’
Pauline’s mouth fell open. ‘How long have you known this guy?’
‘Since I was a teenager. But I hadn’t seen him in thirteen years. And I hadn’t kept up with what was going on in his life.’ Her voice dropped. ‘Just like he hasn’t kept up with what’s happened in mine.’
‘You haven’t told him?’ Pauline’s voice was incredulous.
‘It hasn’t come up.’
‘Just like his son didn’t come up?’
Jess put her head in her hands and leaned on the desk. ‘This is a mess.’
‘Yes. It is.’ Pauline never pulled her punches. It was one of the things that Jessica liked best about her.
She