The thawed piece of me ached, a raw, bruised feeling.
‘I wouldn’t have hurt you,’ I said thickly. ‘I would never have hurt you.’
‘I know you wouldn’t. But I was afraid and I’d lost my dad and I didn’t want a friend. Not right then. But even so I...couldn’t leave you alone. I was drawn to you and I hated it, resented it, and yet...’
So pointless. So fucking pointless. Not instinctive dislike after all, but the opposite. That was what it had been, all these years of enmity. That was all it had been. A neglected ten-year-old’s fear and an isolated fifteen-year-old’s inability to understand it.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said again. ‘I’m so sorry, Xander. I didn’t mean to—’
I put my finger over her mouth, pressing into the softness. ‘No. No apologies. What’s done is done. We can’t go back. We can’t change it. All we can do is make sure things are different going forward.’
You need to tell her about her father.
The voice in my head was insistent, but I ignored it. I didn’t want to disturb this moment between us and I didn’t want to upset her. There had been too much of that already. And maybe that was selfish of me, but I didn’t care.
I wanted to make her feel good, not rip her world apart. There would be a better, more appropriate moment but that moment wasn’t now.
She blinked up at me then murmured against my finger, ‘And how will things be different going forward?’
A night. That was what I’d told myself. One night to have her as mine and no more. But...what if that wasn’t enough?
It won’t be and you already know that.
I also knew that there were many reasons why it shouldn’t be more than one night too. The fact that she was my stepsister—though, to be honest, I didn’t give a shit about that kind of scandal. But my role in her father’s death? Yes, I gave a shit about that. It made all the things I wanted to do to her even more wrong.
Except... I couldn’t shake the thought of what having her like this for more than one night would feel like. If she was mine for maybe another night, or two, or three. Or even a week...
The idea made me burn.
‘How different do you want them to be?’ I traced the curve of her bottom lip, unable to stop touching her, indulging myself.
‘I want them to be like...this.’ Her gaze searched mine. ‘Like what we had tonight. You punishing me then taking care of me. Me giving you pleasure. Being yours.’
Relief spread through me, along with a deep spike of satisfaction. And even though I knew it was wrong I also knew that I wasn’t going to refuse her. I couldn’t. She wanted this and so did I so...why not? If we both knew what we were getting ourselves into, no one would get hurt.
I let my finger trail down her jaw and then her neck, feeling my cock get hard again at the heat in her voice. ‘I can’t give you more than a temporary arrangement, understand?’
‘I know. I’m not asking for forever. I just want this, and I don’t want you to ignore me any more. Or dismiss me. Or pretend I’m not there and that I don’t matter.’
Something caught inside me at the note of vulnerability in her voice and I stared down into her lovely face. ‘I’m sorry for the way I treated you before,’ I said and I meant it. ‘And I won’t do it again, I promise. At work I’ll need to treat you as an employee, but outside of it you’re mine, okay?’
She gave a nod, her cheeks flushing as I let my finger slide further down to her breast, circling one caramel-coloured nipple. It tightened under my touch and, just like that, I was done with the discussion.
‘Turn around,’ I ordered. ‘You’re not my employee tonight.’ Gently, I pushed her up against the tiled wall of the shower. ‘What are you tonight, bad girl?’
‘Your fuck toy,’ she breathed without hesitation.
‘Yes,’ I murmured, nuzzling her neck. ‘That’s exactly what you are.’
Poppy
I FINISHED THE conversation with the manager of a bank Xander had been dealing with then made a note in his diary of the meeting I’d scheduled.
Another task done on Xander’s list for the day.
I pulled up the list and marked off the tasks I’d completed, then checked what else I had left to finish. Not much. I’d managed to get through most of them that morning, and now that it was lunchtime I hadn’t left myself with a lot to do.
Idly I wondered if I should ask Xander if he wanted to have lunch with me, then dismissed the idea.
The past week he’d placed me very firmly in the employee box and there he’d kept me—at least during working hours.
Out of them...well, that was a whole other story.
Ever since the night I’d gone to his apartment and he’d taken me so very thoroughly before breaking my heart with the story about the little dog he’d befriended, I’d known what I wanted. More of him. More of his dominance and his command. His attention and his care.
More of my own power.
It still thrilled me that he’d agreed to an affair, though he’d been as good as his word, setting out the employer/employee boundaries very firmly and not deviating from them one iota.
During the day I was like a pot of water slowly being brought to simmer on a hot stove, getting hotter and hotter, the sexual tension between us drawing tighter and tighter.
And when the day was done Xander would take me back to his apartment and I’d boil over completely.
Every night he took charge of me and every night I let him, getting off on the pleasure that gave him.
And afterwards, after we’d both come back down to earth, he took care of me in a way that made my heart curl up in my chest in absolute bliss.
I’d never felt so treasured.
Even my mother and her questions about where I was going and who I was seeing at night didn’t bother me. Of course I didn’t tell her what was happening with Xander. No doubt she’d want me to try and squeeze some more money out of him but there was no way that was happening. This was for me, not her and it was about my pleasure, not her survival. Not this time.
One of the accounts staff abruptly came into the office with something for Xander to sign and I took it, wanting an excuse to go in and see him.
I knocked once on his office door then, without waiting, I opened it and slipped inside.
He was at his desk, frowning at his computer screen, the look on his strong, handsome face making my knees go weak.
He’d had that very same look the night before as he’d put me over his knee, punishing me for the fact that I’d come back late from my lunch break.
I’d done it deliberately, because disobeying Xander usually turned into quite a lot of pleasure for me and naturally I was a fan of that. He got so deliciously stern and dominant and hot. Last night he’d used his belt on me—not hard, just enough to sting deliciously—and it had been amazingly erotic. God, all he’d had to do was put his hand on his belt buckle and I’d been wet almost instantly.
What