‘That is absurd. You of all people should understand our marriage could never go back to being what I thought it was, not after what he did.’
‘Well, something has changed and I believe you have some notion what has altered his behaviour.’
Olivia rubbed her forehead. Victoria had always been her deepest confidant. Hopefully she would not make her feel worse. She took a deep breath and let the words spill out. ‘I told him I wanted another child.’
Victoria’s eyes widened considerably.
‘But, he has rejected me,’ Olivia amended. ‘At least I think he rejected me...please do not tell Mother. I could not bear to hear her prattle on about how relieved she is that I’ve cast aside my pride and started comporting myself like the Duchess I am. I believe my estrangement from him has been a cause of embarrassment for her.’
‘I will not say a word to her—however, how could you not know if you were rejected? I would think it would be fairly obvious.’
‘Well, I thought he had rejected me. We did not...that is to say he could not...’
‘When did this happen?’
‘A few nights past. Oh, it was so humiliating. I cannot believe I even considered it, but now I am so confused.’
Her sister placed a comforting hand over Olivia’s. ‘Like all men, he is a selfish beast who has no notion of how fortunate he is to have a lovely wife. What is confusing about that? We’ve known that for years.’
‘He kissed me today. Do not groan.’ Olivia closed her eyes and dropped her forehead into her palms, not wishing to see Victoria’s next reaction. ‘And what is worse, I kissed him back.’ She was such a fool.
‘Oh, no, Olivia, you didn’t,’ moaned Victoria. ‘What in the world possessed you to do such a thing? You know he cares nothing for you. How could you be so foolish?’
‘I know. I know,’ she whispered back harshly. ‘You do not have to remind me. I was the one lying in bed, weak and in pain, when he came to me from another woman’s bed.’ Why had she been foolish enough to believe he would remain faithful when most of the men in their circle, including all the men in her family, were not? Because she had been foolish enough to believe he might have been falling in love with her. He’d never said as much, but his actions spoke of a man who cared for her deeply.
‘Why don’t you tell me exactly what happened? Leave no detail out.’
‘I do not know what happened. One minute we were arguing, the next we were kissing. And it changed everything. Now I have no idea if he rejected me or not.’
‘You love children. You are a wonderful mother to Nicholas and a doting aunt to my three. I understand why you would want another child, but you know what will happen. Men cannot remain faithful. It is not in their nature. I know that for certain. However, I never fell in love with Haverstraw and care not about his indiscretions. You were foolish enough to fall in love with Winter and the moment he turned to another, you could barely speak to him. It pained me to witness how much he hurt you. I beg of you, do not let him do that to you again. I am telling you, he will never be satisfied with just your bed.’
‘But do you not see? I’m not the same naïve girl I was. This time I have no false illusions. I know he does not love me. I have thought this through. During my confinement, I will leave for the country. Gabriel will remain in London and I will be spared hearing about his liaisons. It’s the ideal solution.’
‘It would be if you had not kissed him back. I know you, better than anyone. If you try and have another child together you will not be able to repress your feelings for him. I saw how much he meant to you. I told you when you married him not to expect him to remain faithful. I told you it is a rare man that can be satisfied with only one woman. You should have heeded my warning, but you seemed to expect more.’
Olivia had never expected more, until she met Gabriel. And she’d never felt more alone than the day she realised she meant nothing to him.
‘I have you to turn to for comfort. Who will Nicholas have? He should have someone dear to him if his world should fall apart.’
Victoria squeezed her hand. ‘He will have his cousins. I am begging you. Be content with the way things are. You do not need another child.’
Olivia released Victoria’s hand and walked a few feet to the balustrade overlooking the garden. Thunder rumbled in the distance. She rubbed the goose pimples on her arms. Was Victoria right? Maybe she did not need another child. But why then did the thought of not having another one leave her with an ache in her chest? And why had Gabriel kissed her?
The next morning Gabriel leaned silently against the doorway of Mr Manning’s studio and watched Olivia recline along the divan, appearing to be a woman completely at ease in her surrounds. She was back here again, and he knew he had only himself to blame. If only he had been less interested in her when they were first married, he wouldn’t be standing here with his arms crossed to prevent himself from dragging her out.
When they had first met, it was evident Olivia had too great a mind for it to remain idle. That was why when he saw how much she enjoyed going to the Royal Academy and admiring the artwork, he’d encouraged her to pursue her interest. It was why he’d introduced her to Mr West and spoke with the man about having Olivia study art under his tutelage. She’d had no desire to create art, but she had a burning need to understand why certain pieces were revered. With her enthusiasm and intelligence, it was no surprise she became a well-respected expert of the Italian masters. His reward came from the luminous joy that shone from her each time she would talk about what she was learning. It didn’t occur to him until now that seeing her happy had meant that much to him.
And all these years later, she’d thanked him by posing for an indecent portrait that she intended to share with all of London. He should have encouraged her to pursue horticulture.
His thoughts were interrupted by Manning, who continued speaking with Olivia while mixing more paint. ‘Were there any scandals of note at the musical?’
‘None that I heard of,’ she said on a sigh. ‘Although, I try not to pay attention to such speculation.’
‘No one was compromised? No one was challenged?’ He approached her with a smile and adjusted her arm slightly.
‘Not that I witnessed,’ she replied grinning.
‘How about the Prince Regent? Any interesting tales of his exploits?’
‘None. In fact, he was not in attendance. I understand he is suffering terribly from the gout.’
‘That must make getting around rather difficult.’
‘I would think so.’
‘Has he been about?’
‘If he has, I’ve not seen him.’
Gabriel pushed away from the doorframe. ‘That is probably because you are devoting too much of your time to charitable causes such as this.’
There was a soft gasp from his unmoving wife.
‘Your Grace,’ the artist said in an uneven voice, bowing deferentially. ‘What a surprise.’
‘I decided to show myself in...again.’ He walked to the easel and crossed his arms. Today the canvas had paint on it. ‘Do you always begin your portraits there?’ Gabriel asked, looking at how Manning had captured the creamy skin of his wife’s neck and shoulders.
Manning tilted his head and studied the canvas. ‘No, it depends where my mood takes me.’
Gabriel’s attention was drawn to the top swell of his wife’s breasts, painted much too accurately. His fingers dug into his biceps. ‘My wife has