‘Very well.’
‘Wear black.’
Nothing now was the same between them as it had once been, but inside of her a bright warmth bloomed. The papers that held them together had probably long been lost and she no longer had his ring, but there it was, that same feeling from France that pulsed in every part of her body.
Love me. Love me. Love me.
Just a little. Just a bit. Just enough to allow the possibility of an understanding and forgiveness.
‘How long has your charity been running for?’ His question cut through all her fantasies.
‘Two years now. I found two young girls wandering in Regent Street and on enquiry discovered they had been brought in from the country and then lost.’
‘So you took them home?’
‘Actually, no. I found out the place they had been stolen from and returned them. That was how it all began. Sometimes, though, it is not so easy. Sometimes young women are lost to us or put to work in the seedy houses of London and it is hard to recover them again. The only real chance of saving anyone is finding them before they are sold.’
‘That sounds difficult.’
‘It is. People do not want to know that this is happening. Here in the grand salons of London they turn the other cheek because looking would be too harsh upon their sensibilities, and if Lydia Forsythe almost swoons away on seeing me, imagine what might happen if she were to confront such a truth. It is my belief that the Victorian model of virtue strips females of the things they should be capable of knowing.’
‘A fierce criticism?’
‘But a true one.’
‘I heard that you were in Paris after...us.’
Had he not been holding her she might have tripped, the danger of letting her guard down so very real. It was the seeing him again and gaining his help in a moment when she might have been crucified without him. Everything they had been to each other imperilled all she had become alone, and the decisions she had made after he had been dragged away by Lebansart’s men influenced things again.
It was foolish to imagine they could go back to what they had once had for it was far too late for that.
‘I heard that you and Acacia Bellowes-Browne have an agreement.’
The muscle in his jaw tightened. ‘My grandfather’s hope, no doubt. I have no wish to be married again.’
The words were underlined with a raw harshness, and Cassie had cause to believe him.
Once was enough.
The dance lost some of its appeal and she pulled back. She wished she might have been able to ask him other things, important things, things that might have led to a discussion on how he perceived her ability to look after a child. His child. She took a deep breath, smiling at her sister as she swept past them in the arms of Kenyon Riley.
‘They look pleased with themselves. Riley was buying all the drinks at White’s the other evening and alluding to a happy event that might be occurring in his life soon. Perhaps this is it?’
‘I hope so. My sister deserves each contentment that comes her way. She is sweet and kind and true.’
‘Unlike you?’
Now the gloves were off.
‘If it helps at all I would do things differently if I was able to begin again.’ Her eyes ran across the scar that snaked down from the side of his mouth.
Unexpectedly, he laughed. ‘Do you ever think back to the days before we reached Perpignan?’
All the time. Every day. Many minutes of every day.
She stayed quiet.
‘I returned to Bagnères-de-Bigorre last year when I was across the border in Spain. The high bath was still as beautiful.’
‘With the witchery of steam?’
Their eyes met, etched with a memory of the place. Together, close, lost in each other’s arms through all the hours of the night and day. The delight of what had been jagged through her stomach and then went lower.
‘What happened to us, Sandrine?’
Loss made her look away and she was happy when the music ground down to a final halt. After shepherding her back into the company of her sister and Kenyon Riley, Nathaniel quickly left. She saw him move across to stand with Stephen Hawkhurst, interest in his friend’s eyes as he glanced over towards her. It was said that Hawk was entwined with the British Service, too, and there was more in his perusal than she wanted to see.
Raising her fan, she glanced away, the balancing act of appearing all that she was not and within the company of her sister, who positively glowed with delight, taking its toll.
Acacia Bellowes-Browne was here, too, standing next to Nathaniel with her hand lightly resting upon his arm. Cassandra heard the tinkle of her laugh as she leaned closer and saw Nathaniel’s answering smile.
A beautiful, clever woman with her past intact. The bright red of her gown contrasted against the dark brown of her hair. The hazel in her eyes had had poems written of them. Maureen told her that once, on returning from a weekend away at a friend’s country home, and Cassie still remembered the astonishment that the eyes of a lady might incite such prose from grown men.
She was certainly using her eyes to the best of their advantage at this moment, flashing them at Nathaniel Lindsay with a coquettish flirtation and using her fan to tap him lightly on the hand as if in reprimand for some comment he had just made. Intimate. Familiar. Congenial.
Turning away from it all, Cassandra recognised with a shock that envy was eating away at her.
What happened to us, Sandrine?
Life had happened with its full quota of repayment and betrayal. Jamie had happened, too; the responsibility of a child and the overriding and untempered love that would protect him from everything and everyone. No matter what.
‘Could I have the pleasure of this next dance?’ Stephen Hawkhurst stood before her, his eyes probing. ‘Though perhaps I should warn you I am no great mover before you give me your reply.’
‘Thank you.’ She liked the quiet way he spoke. ‘I, too, have not had a lot of practice at these things.’
‘Then we shall bumble around together. Nat was always the most proficient dancer out of the three of us at school,’ he said as they took to the floor, another waltz allowing them the ease of speech.
‘The three of you?’
‘Lucas Clairmont was the other, but he has been in the Americas for years now making his fortune in the timber trade. None of us have families that we could count on, you see, so the connection was strong.’
He looked at her directly as he said this. ‘Adversity can either pull people together or it can tear them apart, would you not agree?’
Cassie dropped her glance. Words beneath words. Nathaniel had the knack of using this technique, too.
‘Indeed I would.’
‘Could I give you a bit of advice, then?’ He waited till she nodded.
‘Sometimes in life risks can deliver the greatest of rewards, but do not be too patient about the time allotted to reap them or you may lose out altogether.’
‘I am not well received in society, sir. Tonight is just a small taste of that fact. To reap anything apart from disparagement might be impossible for me.’
He laughed. ‘Look around you. How many men do you see who would not take risk over the mundane, who would not say to themselves if only I hadn’t played it so safe as they look in the mirror in their preparations for yet another night out in