“We’ll throw you a party. A real send-off. And we’ll help you any way we can. Retraining, or, as I said earlier, if you want to teach…?”
The thought of a party, of standing in front of her peers while people made toasts to her former talent made bile rise up the back of her throat.
“No. No party,” she said.
Suddenly she didn’t want to be here anymore. When the doctor had given her the news an hour ago, the company had felt like home, like the safe place to be. But now she knew it would never be her home again.
“People will want to say their goodbyes, pay their due respects,” he said.
“I’m not dead,” she said, standing abruptly.
She strode to the door. She hesitated for a beat outside the rehearsal studio, then braced herself to duck in and collect her bag. Head down, she did just that, not responding when Kendra asked if she was okay.
They would hear soon enough. Another dancer would be promoted into her role in the latest production. Maybe Kendra. Maybe one of the other soloists. Life would go on.
Outside in the warm summer air, she took deep breaths and fought tears.
She had never been more alone and scared in her life. Her entire world had crumbled around her—the discipline and passion that had formed the boundaries of her days and nights had dissolved into nothingness. She had no future, and her past was irrelevant. She was the owner of a broken body and broken dreams and precious little else.
She found her car keys in her handbag, but she had nowhere to go. No current lover to offer his shoulder, and no former lovers to call on, because her affairs never ended well. Her mother was miles away in America, enjoying the fruits of her third marriage. Maddy had never known her father. All her friends were dancers, and the thought of their ready sympathy had the bile rising in her throat again.
Where to go?
Where to go?
Out of the depths of her subconscious, a face rose up. Clear gray eyes, dark hair, a smile that offered mischief and fun and comfort and understanding in equal measure.
Max.
Yes. She needed Max. Even though it had been years. Even though their friendship had been reduced to occasional e-mails and Christmas cards.
He would understand. He always had. He’d hold her in his big, solid arms, and she’d feel safe, the way she always had with him.
And then maybe she could think. Imagine a world without dance. Construct a way forward.
Max.
MAX SHUT THE FLAP on the box and held it down with his forearm. He reached for the packing tape and used his thumbnail to find the leading edge.
“I’m all done in here. How about you?” a voice asked from the doorway.
He glanced up at his sister, Charlotte, taking in her smug expression and the way she’d planted her hands on her hips.
“Don’t even think it,” he said, tearing off a piece of tape and sticking the flap down.
“My room’s finished. Technically, that means my work here is done,” Charlotte said.
Max tossed her the spare roll of packing tape. So far, he’d only managed to pack away half of the books in his late father’s extensive collection.
“The sooner you start helping, the sooner we can both get out of here,” he said.
Charlotte propped herself against the door frame.
“Should have picked an easier room, Max,” she teased.
“I was being gallant. Giving you the kitchen and taking on this Herculean task to save you hours of hard labor. In case you hadn’t noticed.”
Charlotte’s smile faded a little as she straightened.
“Where do you want me to start?” she asked.
Max glanced at the solid wall of books that remained unpacked.
“Pick a shelf. Any shelf,” he said.
Charlotte busied herself assembling a box as he started stacking books into another carton.
Dust hung in the air, dancing in the weak winter sunlight filtering through the dirty windows of his father’s apartment.
It felt strange to be back here, and yet he’d only been gone two months. The whole world had shifted in that time.
His father was dead.
He still couldn’t quite believe it. Ten weeks ago, Alain Laurent had succumbed to a bout of pneumonia, a constant hazard for quadriplegics. After a week-long battle, he’d died quietly in his sleep. Max had been out of the room, taking a phone call at the time. After eight years of constant care and devotion, after being there for so many of the major crises of his father’s illness, Max had missed the most important moment of all.
Had his father known that he was alone? Or, as his sister contended, had his father chosen that moment to slip away for good, sparing his son the anguish of witnessing his final moments?
“Stop giving yourself a hard time,” Charlotte said from across the room.
He frowned. “What?”
“You heard me. Don’t pretend you weren’t sitting there, thinking about Dad again. You did everything you could. We both did,” Charlotte said firmly.
He made a dismissive gesture and packed more books.
“It’s true, you know. What you just said. You are gallant. Which is charming on one level, but bloody infuriating on another.”
He smiled at his sister’s choice of words. They were half-Australian, half-French, but he always thought of Charlotte as being essentially European, with her dark hair and elegant fashion sense. Then, out of the blue, she’d toss out a bit of Aussie slang and remind him that they’d spent their teen years in Sydney, Australia, swimming and surfing and swatting flies away from backyard barbecues.
“I’m serious, Max,” she said. “You’re always riding to the rescue, thinking of everyone else except yourself. You need to learn to be selfish.”
He made a rude noise and continued to work.
“The day you think of yourself first, I’ll give it a go.”
Charlotte pushed her hair behind her ear, frowning. “That’s different. I have a family. I gave up the right to be selfish when I became a parent.”
Max dropped the book he was holding and pressed a hand to his heart. Moving with a quarter of his former grace and skill, he half staggered, half danced to the side wall, playing self-sacrifice and martyrdom for all he was worth.
“Very funny,” his sister said.
He dodged the small book she flung his way.
He tossed the book back and she shook her head at him. They packed in silence for a few beats, busy with their own thoughts.
He wondered who was looking after Eloise and Marcel today, Charlotte’s children with her merchant banker husband, Richard. He knew Charlotte was between babysitters at the moment. It was hard finding people competent to deal with Eloise’s special needs, but having them here hadn’t really been possible. Any disruption to Eloise’s routine inevitably led to distress.
“I never really thanked you, did I?” Charlotte said into the silence.
He pushed the flaps shut on another full box of books. The secondhand dealer was going to have a field day with their father’s collection. Everything from 1960s dime-store novels to Proust and Dante.
“That’s because there’s nothing to thank me for.”
“Do