‘Give me one good reason why not.’ He sat back and regarded her sternly.
‘We live on different continents to start with.’ She grasped at the first thing she could think of and, from the amused look which crossed his face, he knew it. Why did he have to look so handsome, so incredibly sexy? And why was she still so attracted to him?
‘That can easily be sorted. I have a home in London if New York isn’t to your liking.’ His instant response unsettled her. Had he worked it all out already?
‘It’s not easy for me,’ she said quickly, angry that everything seemed so cut and dried with him. ‘I have my sister to consider and my job. I’ve only just been offered a job with World in Photographs.’
‘Your sister is in Perm for the next few years and your job could be done from anywhere, could it not?’ The tone of his voice confirmed her suspicion of moments ago. He did have it all worked out—completely to suit him.
None of what he was suggesting suited her. She needed to be in London, especially now she had a job with World in Photographs, a job she needed for financial security, now more than ever. Not only did she have Jess to help through the ballet school, she had a baby on the way, but deep down it was more than that. His so-called deal tapped into her deepest insecurities after growing up knowing that out there in the world was her father, a man who didn’t want to know her.
Overwhelmed by the panic of her situation, she glared at Nikolai. ‘I need to be in London if I’m to keep the job as a photographer with World in Photographs and I need that job to support Jess.’
‘That is easily sorted.’
She frowned, not sure what he was getting at. ‘For you, maybe.’
‘Jess will have all the financial help she needs to ensure she can—what was it you said in Vladimir?—chase her dream.’ The look on his handsome face was as severe as she’d ever seen it, not a hint of pleasure from the generous gift he’d just offered. Or was it a gift? Was it not dangling temptation in front of her?
No, it was more than that. It was a bribe and all she had to do was marry him. The thought filled her with dread. She’d dreamed of the day a man would propose to her, dreamed of it being a loving and romantic moment. Nikolai was being neither as he sat watching her; even the ride in the carriage couldn’t lend a romantic mood to the moment.
‘I can’t accept that,’ she said, still unable to believe what was happening. He was making a deal with her for their child: marry him and she, the baby and Jess would be financially secure. It hurt that she had very little chance of ever matching that, especially now her pregnancy would affect her ability to work. If she turned him down, said no, as instinct was urging her to do, she would be turning down so much more than just a marriage proposal. She would be saying no to something which would help Jess but, more importantly, give her baby what she’d never had: a father.
Turmoil raged inside her as he watched her, the motion of the carriage making her feel slightly ill, and the steady rhythm of the horses’ hooves sounding like drums in her head. How could this be happening? How could all this come from one desire-laden moment in time? How could those few blissful hours have such an impact on her life?
‘No,’ she said again, more firmly. ‘I can’t accept that.’
For a moment he looked at her and the tension between them intensified, but she refused to look away. She wanted to challenge him, wanted to push him in the same way he was pushing her.
Finally he spoke. ‘Just as I will not tolerate being pushed out of my child’s life, and the only way to ensure that is marriage.’
He leant forward in the carriage and she looked away, not daring to look into his dark eyes a moment longer. He had touched a raw and open wound. She was here because she’d hoped he’d want something to do with his child, that he wouldn’t turn his back on either her or his baby. She’d never expected this from a man who’d declared one night was all he could give. If she turned him down, didn’t that make her worse than her mother?
She couldn’t help herself and looked deep into his eyes, seeing what she’d seen that night in Vladimir, and tried to plead with him again. ‘But marriage—’
‘Is the only option.’ He cut across her once more. ‘We will be married, Emma. I will not take no for an answer, not now you are carrying my child.’
THE REST OF the carriage ride had blurred into a shocked haze and now, as she stood in one of New York’s most renowned jeweller’s, that haze was beginning to lift. She couldn’t marry Nikolai. What was she thinking, allowing him to bring her here to buy an engagement ring? It wouldn’t change the fact that this wasn’t what he wanted. Turmoil erupted inside her. She didn’t want to make the same mistakes as her mother, not when she knew what it felt like to be the child whose existence a father denied.
Could she really do this—sacrifice everything to do the right thing by her son or daughter? If she walked away now would her child blame her later, as she blamed her mother for depriving her of a father?
She looked anxiously at the door but had to steel herself against the reaction Nikolai provoked in her as he stood right behind her, so very close she could feel the heat of his body. It reminded her of the night they’d shared in Vladimir. The passion had been so intense, so powerful. Didn’t the undeniable attraction count for something?
‘Not thinking of running out on me, are you?’ The whispered question sent a tremor of awareness down her spine, which deepened as he held the tops of her arms, pulling her back against the latent power of his body.
She shook her head in denial, unable to put a sentence together as his touch scorched through her, reminding her of the passion they’d shared the night their child had been conceived. That thought chilled the fire he’d unwittingly stirred to life just by being near her. She had to remember the cruel way he’d bargained not only with Jess’s future, but her past, exploiting the one thing which had been a constant shadow in her life. Because of that, whatever she did, she had to control the desire he evoked within her from just a touch.
‘No, you have made it perfectly clear what has to be done.’ She turned to face him, wishing she didn’t feel the rush of desire which flooded her as she looked into his eyes. They were dark and heavy with passion, just as they had been that night in Vladimir. Would she ever stop seeing images in her mind of him like that? He’d become imprinted there and he invaded every thought. Had it been because he was the only man to have touched her intimately, the only man she’d made love with or simply the worry of facing him to tell him about the baby?
A heaviness settled over her as an ominous clarity finally allowed her to see that night for what it really was. It had just been a seduction, a way to keep her from whatever it was he was hiding, and for him it most definitely hadn’t been about making love. For him it would have been purely lust.
‘Then I suggest we select the ring that will seal the deal.’ His voice sounded firm and in control. Yet again he was manipulating her, forcing her to accept his terms.
Panic filled Emma. This wasn’t how she’d envisaged the moment she would get engaged. It had been very much more romantic than this demand that she choose a ring. But what choice did she have now? Not only would he provide the funds for Jess, he would be in his child’s life. It was exactly how she’d always envisaged being a mother—supported by the child’s father. The only difference was that in her dreams that man had been there for her too—out of love, not duty to his child.
‘You’re right,’ she said calmly, reluctantly acknowledging this was the only way forward.
Further doubts crowded in on her, solidifying the need to accept Nikolai’s deal, no matter what she felt. What if she couldn’t cope, just as her mother hadn’t been able to do? Would her baby be taken from her, as she and Jess had been?