‘Do you still feel the same about fatherhood now that you have Anna?’
‘I didn’t really have a choice, to be fair,’ he said quickly, and then saw the hurt in her face. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’
‘Never mind. I don’t know why I even bothered asking.’ She sat back, turning to look at the still bright evening sky.
‘I told you—I don’t like to live in the past.’
‘There’s a difference between living there and pretending it never happened.’ She looked at him. ‘The night of the rehearsal dinner you mentioned having a fiancée before me...’
‘If you insist on knowing ancient history, far be it from me to deny you.’
He put his glass down, clearing his throat. He felt his thumb begin to tap nervously on the side of his chair, and stilled the movement before it became too pronounced.
‘Her name was Lydia. We met when I was in my final year of college in the States. She was a year older than me...worked in a coffee shop on campus. I met her at a bar one Friday night and before I knew it we were living together.’
‘That fast?’ Nicole asked.
‘Too fast. But I couldn’t have known that at the time. I was too madly in love to see the warning signs all around me.’ He stood up, walking over to perch against the balustrade of the terrace. ‘We were barely together six months before she told me she was pregnant.’
Rigo took in a deep breath, hating the effect this was having on him. He hated thinking of that time in his life. When he had been so utterly young and naive.
‘I was a romantic fool. I proposed instantly and flew us both here to meet my family. I didn’t tell them about the baby, of course. That was to be our secret until after the wedding.’
He laughed—a cruel sound, deep in his chest.
‘She had me wrapped around her finger. If my mother hadn’t taken an instant dislike to her, who knows what way things might have gone? My mother arranged for some security checks—just a precaution before the wedding. I remained here while Lydia flew back to the States to continue the wedding plans. With my credit card, of course.’
Nicole looked up at him, her face tight with tension as he continued.
‘I remember I was sitting outside the chapel after booking our wedding date when she called me, crying. She had lost the baby.’ He shook his head. ‘I sat on the steps of that church and I cried with her, utterly heartbroken for the life we had lost. I got on the next available flight and rushed to her side. I cared for her, comforted her. I told her we would try again—that I would give her as many babies as she wanted.’
He sighed.
‘My mother arrived at my apartment unexpectedly a few weeks later. Lydia was at a spa. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she told me about the security checks she’d had performed. I was furious. I almost ordered her out. But then she showed me a copy of a medical document from one month before. It had Lydia’s name on it. And there was a picture of her from security footage. In an abortion clinic.’
Nicole clapped her hand over her mouth in horror. ‘Rigo...’
‘I confronted her the moment she got home. Naturally she denied everything until I showed her the proof.’ He shook his head. ‘She told me she was scared of having the baby, that she was worried it would make me love her less. But by that point my mother had already shown me the massive bills she had run up on my accounts and I had lost the lovesick blinkers that had blinded me to who she truly was.’
Nicole sat silently, processing the revelation that Rigo had once been in love. He had said that he didn’t believe in love and romance, but clearly at that stage in his life he had. And this woman had stomped all over that.
He continued unprompted, his face a tight mask of hurt. ‘When I was having her things removed from my apartment I found a safety pin at the bottom of the same drawer I used for my condoms. She had often urged me not to use protection, claiming she was on the pill. But I was rigorously safe, even then.’
‘She got pregnant on purpose?’ Nicole breathed.
‘She admitted it all eventually—once she realised it was over. It was hard, seeing the pretence fall away and finding that she wasn’t the person she’d said she was. She had lied about almost everything in order to take me in.’
‘So you chose to get a vasectomy because of what happened?’ Nicole asked, still struggling to get her head around it all.
‘I got over the break-up soon enough—the anger helped. I graduated and moved back to Italy to start working for my father. I was so lost I just wanted to run wild, to party and sleep around to blow off some steam. But every time I looked at a woman I wondered if she was just like Lydia.’
He raised his brows, sitting down beside her heavily.
‘I couldn’t sleep with anyone for more than a year. It tortured me. Then I heard my uncle having a conversation with my father about his mistresses and laughing about how they often tried to get pregnant, not knowing he’d had a vasectomy.’
‘So you went and got one, too?’ Nicole said quietly.
Rigo shook his head. ‘It wasn’t so simple as that. I truly agonised over it. When Lydia first told me she was pregnant I was terrified, but fear soon paved the way for excitement. I had always wanted to be just like my father, you see.’
‘You still went through with it, though?’
‘Yes. I decided that I would never risk giving myself like that ever again anyway, so children wouldn’t be a possibility. I had the procedure, and only had attachments with women I knew were career driven and independent. Nothing close to a gold-digger.’
‘Until you met me.’ Nicole looked up at him, feeling the emotion of his revelation sitting heavy on her chest. ‘It’s very clear to me now why you reacted to me the way you did that morning. I reminded you of her, didn’t I?’ Nicole said sadly.
‘I was unnerved by my oversight, yes. But I know different now. I know the truth about your past.’
‘And yet still you’re determined never to let anyone in ever again?’
‘Nicole...I told you this to help you understand me...’
‘And now I do. Very clearly.’ She stood up, walking as far as the balustrade before turning to face him. ‘What happened to you was painful and scarring. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to trust a woman again.’ She shook her head. ‘But here we are, married a little over a week now, and I’m only just finding this out.’
‘I should have told you before. But we had agreed to keep our distance, I didn’t think you needed to know.’
‘I thought that you were distant with me because of our past. That you were still learning to trust me. I’ve been hoping that maybe with time... That some day we could have more.’
‘I do trust you, Nicole.’ He stood up, taking her hands.
She shook him off, turning away. ‘You trust me not to steal your money, perhaps. But you’ll never trust me with your heart, will you?’ She turned back, seeing his face twist in confusion.
‘My heart? What does that have to do with trusting one another?’ He raised his voice.
‘Everything!’ she said, emotion pouring out of her with every word. ‘How can you not tell that I’m head over heels in love with you?’ She refused to let the tears fall from her eyes. ‘I’ve been falling for you since the night I opened up and told you about my past. I spoke the truth for the first time and you listened. You’re the only person in this world who truly sees me for who I am. What we have together is real—can’t you see that?’
‘I know