‘Did you tell him, Kate? It’s a simple question—one of those simple questions you say you don’t have a problem with.’
She took a quick breath. ‘Then, yes. That’s the answer. I did. I told him.’
Scott’s hand fisted, banged on the table, and Kate flinched.
‘Why?’ The word shot out like a bullet.
‘Because he asked. As a friend.’
‘I can’t believe this.’ Scott shot to his feet, paced away, then back. ‘What the hell am I, Kate? I’ve been trying to talk to you about it for a week.’
He banged both fists on the table this time.
‘Tell me!’ Another bang. ‘Tell me, Kate, dammit!’
Kate’s heart had jumped right into her throat as his fists hit the table, and for a moment all she could do was stare at him. He looked a heartbeat away from breathing fire.
Out of control—at last.
And now she had to find words, when all she wanted to do was fling herself at him and wrap herself around him and beg him to let her love him, to love her back.
She realised she’d left it too long to speak when, cursing, Scott started to pace away again. One step…two.
‘Wait,’ she said, standing, grabbing his swinging arm so fast her chair toppled backwards. ‘I’ll tell you.’
He was shaking his head as he turned, wrenched his arm free. ‘Don’t bother, Kate. Just…just don’t. It’s too damned late.’
‘I’m representing the father,’ she rushed out. ‘Who’s been sitting on the sidelines going slowly out of his mind while his ex-wife’s new boyfriend slaps his three-year-old son around. Something he’s reported over and over and over. But nobody believes him. Because there’s been enough mud slung to cast all sorts of doubts about him. His little boy screams and begs every time he has to go back to his mother after a scheduled visit.’
Kate’s breaths were heaving in and out and she’d started to shake with the fury of it.
‘My client ended up so desperate he kidnapped his own child to protect him. And what did he get for caring like that? No more visits. At all. That’s what.’
Her throat was clogged and swollen. The injustice of it was raging out of her, even though she’d won. Why? Why did it still get to her? No answer—it just did. And it was all too much. The case… Scott…her damned life.
‘So you want to know why I didn’t tell you, Scott?’ she asked as the tears started. ‘Because you didn’t sign up for deep and meaningful, remember? And that’s deep and meaningful to me. I needed you. But how could I tell you? What could I say? When you said—made it clear— Oh, God. I can’t. I…can’t. I…’
But she couldn’t go on. She was choking on tears. And suddenly she gave in to them, sobbing into her hands.
And then she was in Scott’s arms, held tightly against his chest. ‘Shh, shh, Kate… I’m here.’
‘No, Scott, you’re not,’ she sobbed into his shoulder. ‘You’re not here. Your body’s here—that’s all. Just your body.’
She tried to pull away but Scott held on. ‘I’m not letting you go, Kate, so stop struggling.’
‘And if I do? If I stop struggling?’ She looked up at him. ‘Then what? You’ll ask me to spit out a few legal terms and take me to bed?’
‘Yes,’ he said simply.
‘That’s not enough,’ she cried, and buried her face in his shoulder again. ‘I want more.’
‘So do I. That’s why we’re rolling it over.’
‘No, Scott, we’re not.’
‘You just said you wanted more.’
‘Not more sex! More…more.’
‘I don’t— I don’t—’
‘No, you don’t’ she cut in, half-despair, half-rage, as she pulled out of his arms. ‘That’s the problem. Well, I’m not hanging in limbo any more, like a suspended piñata, waiting to have the crap beaten out of me.’
‘A piña—?’ He stopped. Incredulous. ‘I’m not beating anything out of you. I would never hurt you.’
‘Oh, you’re hurting me, all right.’
‘I’m not hurting you,’ Scott said furiously. ‘I won’t hurt you. You won’t hurt me. That’s the whole point!’
‘And I’m telling you—you are hurting me. Because I love you. And you don’t love me back.’
The shock of it was plain on his face. ‘You don’t love me. Kate, you know you don’t.’ Pleading, almost. ‘You can’t. You don’t want love.’
She laughed, shrugged, helpless.
Waves of panic were emanating from Scott. ‘You said you’d never give someone that kind of power over you.’
‘Except that now I would give it to you.’
‘Cynical. We’re both cynical. It’s what made us perfect. Makes us perfect.’
‘I’m not cynical, Scott. Or if I am it doesn’t last—not if I have someone…’ she swallowed ‘… someone who’ll say to me, “Shh, I’m here”, like you just did. Putting things right for people is what I do, what I want to do, even if sometimes it gets too much. And perfect…? I don’t want to be perfect. And I don’t want you to be perfect either. I want to be imperfect—with you. I want children who are perfect or imperfect—who are anything as long as they’re yours. And I want to say to you, Shh, I’m here, when things get too much for you. Because I’m in love with you. And I would do anything—anything—for you to love me.’
His eyes were wild. ‘I…can’t do this.’
‘Why not?’
‘I don’t. Do this.’
‘You loved Chantal. Why can’t you love me?’
‘I didn’t love Chantal, Kate. And I don’t blame her for choosing Brodie. I never did. Anyone would choose him.’
‘Not me. Because I chose you. I’m choosing you. No—it wasn’t even a choice. It just happened. Love. I didn’t even know I was waiting for it. But I was. I was waiting for the right man to come along. Then there you were. And suddenly you were mine. The perfect imperfect man. The right man for me. Uptight…beer not cocktails…hell, no, to dancing…sport and poker games…with a kitten on your backside…wearing a blue tux and driving a red Mini…baking for two little girls. How could I not love you? And now, Scott, I want us to just…just be.’
He was shaking his head. His face was white, stark fear in his eyes. ‘I’m not the right guy for anyone, Kate. I’m the “friends with benefits” guy, with a bulging black book. I’ve never had a relationship—don’t you see? Never! And there’s a reason for that—because I know what I’m good at. Sex—no strings. My speciality. I’ve got more tail than I know what to do with. That’s me. And I’m fine with that.’
It was like a punch direct to Kate’s heart, killing it—that was how it felt. As if her heart was dead. A swollen lump she wished she could rip out of her chest.
‘T-T-Tail?’ Kate stammered over the word, her teeth chattering with reaction.
He looked at her, all hard-eyed. ‘Tail,’ he repeated.
God, the ache of it. Crushing.