“That’s not what I’m asking.” She stepped closer, the heat in her eyes burning into him. “You said you swore to love me. What does that mean to you?”
He clamped his jaw so tight he thought his teeth would shatter. Damn words. Every time he was near her, they jumbled up. They tied together in knots, clogging his throat and never escaping the way he intended. But not this time.
This one time, the bastards were sharp, clean and at the ready. And, he had no clue if they were the ones she wanted to hear.
“Tell me, Logan.” Her voice firmed. “What does loving me mean to you?”
“It means you have my loyalty. My fidelity and protection. And my support.”
Her face fell. The spark in her eyes faded, her long lashes swooping down and masking them. She placed her hand on his chest. Her favorite spot. The place she’d always clung to the hardest whenever he’d moved into her. Over her. The spot she’d nuzzled her cheek against every time he’d held her.
“Those are all very important things,” she said. “Very practical things. But what about your heart?”
His heart. Something so much weaker than his head. Erratic. Just like his mother’s when she’d abandoned her family for some other man. Like his father’s when he’d failed to function for months after she’d left. And like Amy’s all those years ago when she’d tempted him down a path he’d never meant to travel.
There were no sure things or guaranteed happy endings in life. Just chance and disappointment. Loyalty was much more tangible and steadfast.
Logan shook his head. “Hearts are unpredictable. Untrustworthy. The kind of love you’re asking for doesn’t exist, Amy. It’s just some notion thrown into kids’ fairy tales.”
Releasing her wrists, he smoothed his hands around her back, pulling her closer and trying not to plead. “I don’t break my promises. I’m offering you something real. Something you can depend on. Something we’ve both already sworn to each other.”
She straightened. That beautiful back of hers drew up into a proud tilt against his palms, breasts thrusting and stubborn chin jutting.
“That all sounds so nice,” she said. “But I’m not tying either of us to a vow we made as a result of my stupid teenage lie.”
“Amy—”
“You loved me as a friend. A young friend that just happened to grow up on the same ranch as you. I should have recognized that a long time ago.” She stepped back and trailed her hands from him. “I won’t take anything more from you. And I won’t let you sacrifice anything more for me. If I did, I’d be no more of a woman now than I was at nineteen.”
Logan’s gut roiled. So, she’d leave instead. He wouldn’t have her at all and it would amount to nothing more than a mistake. Another regret.
“I’m sorry, Logan,” she whispered. “More sorry than you’ll ever know.”
He clenched his teeth, half-afraid they’d crumble, and studied the tense curve of her jaw. They’d both always been hardheaded and Amy could hold out longer than anyone. But he’d never known her to be able to walk away from a challenge.
“It’s one thing to say it,” he said. “Why don’t you show me, instead?”
She glanced at him, features clouding.
“Stay,” he said. “Do right by your family. Do right by me.”
She shook her head. “It’s too late for that.”
“No. That’s just your excuse.” He shoved away from the porch rail and moved to the door, turning to say, “You haven’t changed. Don’t know a thing about loyalty. You’re no different now than you were back then. The girl that stood right in front of me and lied to get her way is the same woman that’s turning her back on her family now. And I’m your family, too, Amy. You worked hard to snag me. You oughta have the guts to stick it out.”
She flinched, body stiffening and face paling.
He watched. Waited. Then forced himself to turn on his heel and jerk open the door.
“Wait.”
He froze, the sweet sound of her voice sweeping over him. Turning, he watched her pick at her pants leg and shift from foot to foot. She came to a decision, stilling and drawing to her full height.
“I’ll stay,” she whispered. “Long enough to work with Thunder.”
“Absolutely not.” Logan held up a hand. “That horse is dangerous.”
“I can help him. You know I can.”
“Neither one of us knows that for sure, Amy.” He blew out a breath in frustration. “You could get hurt. Badly.”
“Then help me.”
He hesitated. If he refused, there was a good chance she’d leave or, worse yet, put herself in even more danger by trying to work with the horse on the sly. But his throat tightened at the thought of her approaching the maddened stallion.
She interpreted his silence as agreement.
“So it’s settled. I’ll stay. Just until it’s time for me to take up the post in Michigan. I’ll work with Thunder and help ease Mama into the idea of the move. But as for us,” she said, shaking her head, “I can’t stay in this marriage, Logan. It’s not good for either of us. We’d both be miserable.”
“What makes you so sure?” His muscles tightened, a wave of nausea flooding through him. “Is there someone else?”
“No,” she stated firmly.
He forced the next question past his constricted throat. “You’re not still hoping for another baby, are you?”
She recoiled, fear flooding her features, and shook her head.
He stepped forward and cradled her arms. “I’m sorry, Amy. I know how hard it was for you to accept that you can’t have any more children. But after Sara—” he swallowed hard, eyeing her pale cheeks “—I have no desire to have another child, either. So what’s to stop us? It’ll keep the family together.” He rubbed his thumbs gently over her skin. “Plenty of marriages have been based on a lot less than the friendship we have.”
“Had,” she stressed, moving away. “We lost our friendship along with everything else. And I won’t stay in a marriage out of duty.”
“That’s a damn sight better than throwing it away.” He spun the ring on his finger with jerky movements of his thumb.
Amy kicked off her shoes, slamming the loose heel against the porch rail to break it off, then did the same with the other and rolled up her pants legs.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting started,” she said, slipping her shoes back on and scooping up the beer bottle. “The sooner I begin helping Thunder, the better.”
She made her way down the porch steps, plucking the pins from her hair with one hand as she went and combing through the long, dark waves with her fingers.
“It’s too cold out, Amy.” He fell in line behind her, body tightening with a surge of heat at the supple sway of her hips. “Come back inside and get a good night’s sleep. It’ll wait ’til morning.”
“No time like the present.”
And that was it. That was all he got before she tipped up the beer and quickened her step, raven hair swinging as she disappeared into the dark night.
Logan stopped, rammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and headed back to the house. Stubborn, hardheaded woman.