‘OK,’ she says.
Our eyes meet across the bed and hang together for a weighted moment – a moment in which I wonder if she’s on to me – how could she be? – then I smile.
‘I’ll be home as soon as I can. Have a good day, babe.’
It’s jeans again. So shoot me: they look good. I take a final look in the mirror, pick up my handbag and leave the apartment. While I’m walking to the pub, I wonder how long it’ll take George to come up from Richmond; what he’s told Ness he’s doing tonight. My steps ring out as I stride down the road, sounding more confident than I feel. With every strike of heel on pavement, I ask myself, What are you doing? What exactly are you hoping to achieve with this?
I’m usually very clear on my motives. It’s my USP; who I am. From buying a sandwich to launching a new menu, I never do anything without knowing exactly what it is and why I’m doing it. Informed. Decisive.
But today I’m confused. How has this man from whom I haven’t heard for fifteen years persuaded me to meet him in a pub? Am I really such a pushover? Have I seriously been waiting fifteen years to receive a call from George Wolsey? I don’t think so, yet one week ago he was nothing to me and now I’m walking to the pub to meet him: go figure.
But there’s more to my unease than feeling disconcerted by how easily George has blasted his way through my defences: he’s married, and there’s a part of me that senses his intentions are not entirely pure.
When it comes to George, my sixth sense always used to be right.
I stop and pretend to look in the window of an estate agent, my eyes roaming over the properties for sale until they focus on my own reflection in the glass. It’s the pull of the past, I tell myself. That’s all it is. Yes, he may have been not just ‘the one’ but ‘the one and only’ fifteen years ago (I cringe as I see in my mind’s eye the page of ‘Stella Wolsey’ signatures), but a decade and a half has passed. I’ve moved on: I’m a successful woman in my own right.
Yes, I nod to myself in the glass: all this is about is a shared past; an understandable desire to link with a person who knew me years ago – nothing more. I have so much history with George. He used to know me better than anyone else on the planet. He still knows that part of me; you can’t take that away. We saw each other every day of our childhoods. It’s got to be worth something.
It’s got to be worth an hour in the pub with a glass of wine. Hasn’t it?
I used the word ‘desire’ back there. I noticed that.
I turn and walk on.
*
The pub is popular, well known for its food. Up a creaky staircase, six quirky bedrooms turn it into a boutique hotel. George is there before me, a bottle of wine on the table, and a whisky in his hand. He looks smart in a suit with a garish tie and he’s picked – as I knew he would – one of the discreet alcoves at the back of the bar; a place where we’re least likely to be disturbed. He doesn’t stand up to greet me. I slide onto the bench seat opposite him and he reaches for my hand across the table.
‘Hey. Thanks for coming.’
I let him squeeze my hand for a moment before withdrawing it. His skin feels cool, softer than I remember. Hands that don’t do dishes.
‘You’re welcome.’
George looks at me. Takes me all in, and I watch him. His thirties really do suit him.
‘You look amazing,’ he says eventually. I’m glad to hear it but I’m not going to tell him that.
‘Thanks.’ I look pointedly at the wine bottle. ‘I’d love a glass.’
‘I’m so sorry!’ George bustles into action. ‘Forgive me.’ He pours two glasses then pushes one towards me. I pick it up and inhale the scent of the wine. A good one; probably the most expensive on the wine list. We clink glasses and I take a slow sip, roll it around my mouth, swallow and exhale.
‘Nice.’
George nods.
‘So – how are things? How’s Ness?’ I ask after it becomes clear he’s not going to speak. He’s looking a little starstruck, to be honest.
‘She’s good, thanks,’ he says.
‘No kids?’ I know it’s below the belt, but… as I said: part-defiant.
He closes his eyes and shakes his head slowly. ‘No.’
I take a sip of wine.
‘And how about you?’ he asks. ‘You went into catering, I gather?’
‘Yes.’
He names my firm. ‘Impressive.’
‘But I don’t cook so much these days.’
‘No. I imagine not,’ he says.
‘I’m in the office, running the business. I have a good team that does the work on the ground for me now.’
‘How do you feel about that?’
‘It’s a new challenge. I like that. And I get to sit down a bit.’
George laughs. ‘You always did like a challenge.’
‘And how about you?’ I ask. ‘How’s business?’
‘Can’t complain.’ There’s a pause. ‘Our success means I have more of a chance to do stuff for charities. You know, fundraising. Awareness campaigns. Have you heard about our annual charity drive? It’s global. Involves all our clients. Last year we raised nearly a million quid.’
‘Fantastic. Yeah. I see the odd thing in the paper.’ It’s an understatement. You’d have to be living under a rock not to be aware of Wolsey Associates’ global charity drive.
George looks up, a smile lighting up his face. ‘You read some of the articles?’
I exhale. ‘Oh, you know… I speed-read the odd one now and then.’
‘I always imagine you reading the articles when they come out.’ He looks so earnest it’s embarrassing. ‘I don’t know. I guess I just hoped you would be interested.’
‘In your business?’
‘In me.’
I look at George, searching for clues that he’s joking – a twitch of his mouth, a shake in his shoulders – but he just looks beaten.
‘George,’ I say. ‘That ship sailed years ago.’
‘Did it?’
I look at the table. The silence extends. I pick at the drinks mat. Already it’s wet with condensation from the wine glass.
‘So, was there a reason you wanted to meet?’ I ask eventually. ‘It’s just… you know… nothing for fifteen years and then… ?’
George looks up and smiles at me. It’s a warm smile. Not the public smile that wins over his clients, but an intimate smile, a smile just for me, and I’m not expecting it. I raise my chin and look levelly at him. Hurt me once, that’s my bad luck, but you will not hurt me twice.
‘Stell,’ he says softly. And, just like that, the universe ruptures. A gaping black hole opens in front of me. No warning; no way to prepare myself. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to hear George’s voice say ‘Stell’ and I plummet head first into the black hole and land on that pile of coats in Sophie’s brother’s bedroom, George’s breath hot in my ear. I’ve almost burrowed through the drinks