“Good luck with that,” she said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Because what you see with me is what you get.”
“Under different circumstances that might not be so bad. But with what I’m going through...” Mateo shrugged. “As they say: timing is everything. Too bad that’s the way it’s working out.”
Which meant what? Was he really interested, or was this only one small aspect of Mateo that had been damaged?
“In my experience, it’s not so much about the timing as it is the luck of the draw. Things happen when they happen, and the only thing dictating that is what you’re doing in the moment. If I’m the one paddling around in the surf after I’ve been warned there’s a rip current, it should come as no surprise to me that I’m also the one who gets carried out to sea. Things happen because we make them happen—or we choose to ignore what could happen in their place.”
“Like my amnesia. It happened because... Well, if I knew the answer to that, I’d tell you. But my doc prefers I make the discovery on my own. ‘Vulnerable mind syndrome,’ he calls it. Which means my mind is open and susceptible to anything.”
“Except doing the things you’re supposed to in order to help yourself improve.”
“Claiming amnesia on that one,” he said, smiling.
“As long as you’re just claiming and not believing. And as for swimming... I don’t know. But at some point, after I return from my holiday, if you’re still here...”
“Ah, the veiled threat.”
“Not a threat. An offer to take you out and see how you do in the water.”
“That could motivate me to be on my best behavior.”
“Or you could motivate yourself. Your choice, Mateo. So, are you up for a wade?” she asked.
“Didn’t you just say something about throwing me in?”
“Maybe I did...maybe I didn’t,” she teased.
Mateo laughed, then suddenly turned serious. “What happens if the real me comes back, Lizzie—all of me—and I don’t like who I am?”
“You haven’t given yourself enough time. And maybe you underestimate yourself. Whatever the case, you’re aware of changes and that’s the first step. Always be mindful of that and you’ll be fine. I mean, we all lose track of ourselves at one time or another, with or without amnesia. I really believe you’re more in touch with who you are than you’re ready to admit. So, like I said, there’s no rush. Now, if you go in the water with me, it’s ankle-deep or nothing.”
“I could have been a Navy SEAL...which means I’m an expert swimmer.” He kicked off his flip-flops and waded out in the water with her.
“Except you were an Army surgeon, stationed in a field hospital in Afghanistan. No swimming there.”
“In my mind I was doing something more glamorous and heroic.”
“You were doing something heroic. Patching, stitching, amputating...” She took hold of his hand, even though he was in perfect physical condition, and they waded in up to their knees. “Might not have been glamorous, but you were saving lives.”
“Only some of which I remember,” he said, taking the lead and then pulling Lizzie along until they were in halfway to their hips.
They stood there together for a few minutes, simply looking out over the water. In the distance, a freighter was making its slow way across the horizon—not destined for Oahu, where they were, but perhaps one of the other islands.
Faraway places, she thought, as she reluctantly turned back toward shore. She’d spent her life in faraway places, but she’d never taken the time to notice as she’d been too young, or too involved in trying to get along in yet another new place.
A big pity, that. So many opportunities wasted. Maybe someday she’d go back and have a do-over. Or maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she’d put the past behind her, find her roots, and venture out to see if a little happiness might go with that. Right now, she didn’t know what she’d do. Her life was a toss-up.
“You’re drunk,” Lizzie said, not happy about this at all. Well, maybe not downright drunk so much as a little tipsy. But it would be the same once Janis found out.
After their wade in the ocean Mateo had decided to go back and join the partiers.
“That’s why I’m taking you in the back door of Makalapua. Because if we go in the front, I’ll lose my job.”
Actually, she wouldn’t. She was the primary care physician there and that brought some clout with it. And the patients weren’t prisoners. Doing what Mateo had done, while not advisable, wasn’t illegal, and in the hospital not even punishable. His condition wasn’t physical. He was on no medications that had any bearing on the beers he’d consumed. So nothing precluded alcohol.
Lizzie recalled the evenings when her dad had been a patient here, and she’d taken him to The Shack for tropical drink. He’d loved that. When he was lucid, he’d claimed it made him feel normal. But he hadn’t been on the verge of being sent elsewhere, the way Mateo was.
Still, there was no reason for Mateo to make a spectacle of himself—which he had done after three craft beers. He’d danced. On a table. With a waitress.
She’d turned her back to order herself another lemonade, and when she’d turned around there he’d been, doing everything a head trauma patient shouldn’t do. And he’d refused to stop when she’d asked him to get off the table. It was almost like he was trying to get himself kicked out of his spot at the hospital.
It had taken two strong wahines he’e nalu—surfer women—to pull him down for her, and by that time he’d been so unsteady he hadn’t even been able to take ten steps back without zigging and zagging. And there she’d been, looking like a total idiot, trying to get the man who’d become the life of the party to quit.
Well, in another day she’d have two whole weeks to sleep, swim, and forget about her patients, her obligations...and Mateo. Except he worried her. After having such a nice chat with him... Well, she wasn’t sure what she’d hoped for, but this wasn’t it.
“Not drunk. Just pleasantly mellow. And I’ll take responsibility for my actions,” he said, slumping in the wheelchair one of The Shack patrons had run back to the hospital and retrieved for her.
“You bet you will—because what you did is way out of line and I’m not going to get myself into trouble because you can’t control yourself.”
“Meaning you’re going to report me?
“Meaning I’m going to make a note in your chart. You’re already close to the edge, Mateo, and you know that. Depending on what kind of mood Janis is in when she reads what I’m about to write, there’s a strong likelihood she’ll have you transferred. You know the policy.”
“Yeah...one month to show I’m working, eight weeks to show progress. Well, isn’t dancing progress?”
“I was trying to be nice by giving you a little time away from the hospital, but you turned it into a mess. And while dancing may show some sort of progress...on a table? With a waitress?”
“You’re sounding a little jealous, Lizzie. I’d have asked you to dance, but, well...all work, no play. You’d have turned me down.”
Yes, she would have. But was he right about her jealousy? Not over the other woman, but over taking the chance to have a little fun. She was all work, wasn’t she? Maybe all these years of no play had caught up to her and she didn’t know how to have fun. Or maybe “Daddy’s little soldier,” as he’d used to call her, had never known what fun was.
Lizzie