He told himself her surprise didn’t please him. After all, what did she know about him? Yet it did his ego good to think she might not think it possible. He shrugged. “I wasn’t exciting enough. Didn’t offer enough adventures. I found it difficult to please her.” Just as he had with his mother.
Annie made a derisive noise. “That sounds to me like she had a problem, not you.”
Hugh knew there was more to it than that. Just as he knew he was far too old to be flattered by Annie’s defense of him. Knowing all that didn’t change the fact that he felt like grinning like a silly kid. Instead, he coughed a little. “About Evan’s bedtime...”
Annie tipped her head and grinned. “That is why we’re here, isn’t it?”
He grinned back then sobered. What was wrong with him that he responded to a young girl’s attention so readily? He had to concentrate. “I can’t let him stay in the kitchen on his own any more than I can let him sleep on a mat like an animal.” He held up his hands in exasperation. “I know. You wonder how letting him sit there all day is any different but somehow it is. At least I know he’s safe during the day.”
She nodded.
“So I carry him to my room. As you can imagine, he kicks and screams the entire time.” He couldn’t help the little tremble in his voice. The whole procedure left him dazed and defeated. “I have a mattress on the floor for him. As soon as I put him there, he scrambles off and pushes it away. It’s like he’s resisting me, not the bed.”
“Hugh, he’s afraid if he trusts you he’s going to be disappointed or worse, hurt.”
She spoke with such certainty that he realized more lay behind her observation than she wanted him to know. Her little secret. And it did affect Evan. It made her more understanding. He was about to ask for her to explain but she spoke again.
“Does he eventually use the mattress? Does he sleep?”
“The first night he curled up in a ball in the corner. I covered him after he’d fallen asleep. Yesterday he waited until he thought I had dozed off before he crawled to the mattress and pulled the quilt over him.”
“That’s great progress.” She grinned widely.
For the first time since he’d found Evan, he almost felt encouraged. “I was so afraid of what he’d do the first night, I pulled my bed against the door to make sure he wouldn’t run off.”
“Somehow I don’t see him running. Now if he was still with that woman I would wonder why he didn’t but I guess it means he’s smart enough to know he couldn’t survive on his own.”
Hugh couldn’t help but smile. “I guess that shows that the boy has a good mind despite the way he acts.”
“Oh, he’s bright enough.” She told him how she’d been able to tell what he liked to eat by his reaction. “I regret that I thought we had made more progress than we had. It was my fault he acted the way he did.”
“I don’t suppose it’s anyone’s fault. We just have to learn to understand him.”
“I’ve been praying that God would give me wisdom and patience.”
To hear how she’d been able to communicate with Evan and to know she’d prayed for him renewed his courage. “Thank you. Do you mind if we pray together before we head back to him?” Normally he had no hesitation about offering to pray for others but this was his need not someone else’s.
“I’d like that.” She leaned forward, her hands clasped together on top of his desk and her head bowed.
He stifled an urge to cradle her hands between his. Instead, he bowed his head and prayed for wisdom, understanding and healing for his son. Silently, he additionally prayed for a more mature woman to come to his door because, despite his resolve to keep things completely businesslike, he found Annie’s concern and care very appealing and it frightened him. He must, above all else, guard his heart against the risk of caring for a woman, especially one who would soon realize that she could do far better than spend her life with a man who could offer nothing but a home with him and his hurting young son.
Annie kept her head bowed several seconds after Hugh said Amen, waiting for God to direct her thoughts. When an idea came to her mind, she took it as from Him and lifted her head.
The look in Hugh’s eyes almost made her forget what she’d been about to say. He watched her, looking both weary and hopeful at the same time. That was good, she told herself. He was beginning to see how helpful she would be. But the way his gaze clung to hers as if looking for something more left her breathless. She couldn’t say if he found what he sought or if she could even offer it. There were far too many unknowns between them.
There was no need for her to know more about him. And she certainly didn’t want to know about his marriage nor why his wife found him lacking. In what way? She tried and failed to imagine what he meant.
She slid her gaze past his to the night-blackened window. They had a common goal—taking care of Evan. She recalled something she’d heard somewhere. Begin as you mean to go on. She meant to become Evan’s mother and Hugh’s wife. Therefore, she must begin to act like it.
“I think a bedtime routine is essential. So could we establish one starting tonight?” She couldn’t keep looking past him and gauge his reaction so she brought her attention back to him. The quirk of one eyebrow informed her that her request had caught him off guard.
“It seems we have a routine,” he said with a large dose of irony. “I pick him up. He fights me. I take him to the room and keep him there.” His laugh lacked mirth.
It certainly wasn’t how she wanted to go on. She smiled. “Maybe we could work at improving that routine.”
“What do you suggest?”
Did she detect a note of hope? She wanted to believe so. “My mother always read to me at bedtime and said prayers with me. When my papa was home, he came in to hear my prayers.” Her voice deepened. “When I look back, I wonder how I could have taken such ordinary things for granted.”
“I’m sorry about your mother.”
She tried to break from his compassionate look but found herself unable to do so. Her insides clenched. Tears stung the backs of her eyes. Mama had been dead more than four years. Annie knew she should be over her grief but it often welled up inside her like a bubbling pot of hot jam, about to overflow. She swallowed hard, striving to control the sudden rush of sorrow. “Thank you.” She hadn’t been able to keep the emotion out of her voice and wondered how he would react. “I shouldn’t be upset by the memory.”
His smile was soft and gentle. “Some sorrows never go away. A person simply learns how to be at peace with them.”
She met his gaze, practically drinking in the comfort he offered. “I can see why you’re the preacher.” She managed a little smile. “You know the right words to say.”
“Thank you.” Did she detect a bit of a catch in his voice? That seemed strange. But a trickle of hope entered her heart. If he needed to hear words of encouragement, she could give them. But not right now. “I’d like to start a bedtime routine such as I knew but I don’t think he’ll be in a frame of mind for stories and prayers after a struggle to get him into bed. Instead, why don’t we let him stay in his safe corner while I read a story? And then you could say his bedtime prayers.” She didn’t want to exclude Hugh from the opportunity. “I think we need to establish normal behavior for Evan as quickly as he’ll let us.”
Hugh nodded slowly. “I like the idea. Just so long as you don’t expect too much of him.”
“I hope I’ve learned my lesson about pushing him too hard.”