“I’m going to let go now,” she whispered, turning to her left. She looked up and found her lips only a breath away from Dillon’s.
Don’t feel. Don’t even dare to think of him as anyone who could ever be important to you, she ordered herself. Men had brought her nothing but pain. Her father who had taken risks and had died suddenly, breaking her heart. Her stepfather and stepbrother who had verbally abused and taunted her, making her life a misery. The man who had pretended to love her, but had really loved her land and had left her for a wealthier woman.
She’d been caught by surprise when each of those relationships had bitten her, but with Dillon, she already knew he was too great a risk. Allowing herself to feel anything, even simple lust, was just setting herself up for disaster. She couldn’t face that kind of crippling disappointment again.
Slowly, Colleen forced herself to breathe, to enforce control over her reactions.
She tried a simple, shaky smile.
“I’m ready,” Dillon said.
Colleen blinked, then realized that he was referring to flying solo with Toby.
She lifted her hand off the baby’s warm back. When she glanced down, he was staring at her and Dillon with those big blue solemn eyes. Quietly considering the situation.
The baby shifted his attention to Dillon.
His lower lip quivered. He let out a cry.
“Oh, Toby,” she said, then automatically turned to Dillon to explain that things would get better soon.
But Dillon wasn’t paying attention. He automatically reached down and lifted the little bundle into his arms, curving Toby into his big body.
“I’ve got you, slugger,” he said. “And I won’t ever hurt you. I won’t let you down or leave you. I won’t let anyone harm you. Ever.” His words were a low, quiet whisper. He stared into those blue eyes, cupping the baby close. “You’re mine, Toby,” he said. “We’re father and son. We’re going to be buddies and make our own little world, just you and me.”
On and on he went, that deep, soothing baritone whispering promises, bits of nothing. It didn’t matter, because the baby was reacting to the secure hold Dillon had on him and the hypnotic tone of his voice. Slowly, Toby stilled, quieted.
“Are we good, buddy?” Dillon asked.
As if he understood the question, Toby let out a watery coo.
Dillon looked over the baby’s head straight into Colleen’s eyes. His smile was brilliant, gorgeous and oh so sexy. “You’re one heck of a teacher, Colleen,” he said.
The smile went right through her, and her body reacted as if she were on a thrill ride. Out of control, her heart flipped right up into her throat, sending pleasure through her even though she knew there would eventually be a sudden drop that would bang her about. A man who could so easily produce a reaction like that must have been one heck of a commander, one heck of a CEO, one very talented…
The word lover came to mind, but she blanked it out of her mind. That smile of his, that darn smile…
I am in so much trouble, she thought. On so many levels.
Chapter Three
DILLON stepped out on the porch and found Colleen trying to open up a sleeper sofa that looked as if it hadn’t been used during the past century. The mechanical parts were putting up a good fight as Colleen tugged.
“I don’t mean to insult you,” Dillon said. “Given the fact that you run a ranch, you’re clearly capable and probably strong, too, but…”
He reached down and touched Colleen’s hand. Her skin was softer than he would have expected from a woman who did physical labor. Caught off guard, his body immediately reacted to that softness, that warmth, this woman. The fact that they were standing next to what was going to be his bed didn’t help the situation any. Irritated with himself, Dillon put the brakes on his reaction to the best of his ability.
Colleen must have had her mind elsewhere, because as his words faded away and as he moved up beside her, she let out a tiny gasp and let go of the metal handle, backing up a step. Good. He didn’t want to continue to be that aware of her. He definitely didn’t need to be thinking erotic thoughts about her.
“I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said, as he gave a tug on the handle and the bed pulled partway out.
“You’re not supposed to be doing that,” she said.
He looked over his shoulder at her as he lowered the legs of the bed to the ground. “Why?” he asked, turning to face her.
She hesitated. He knew that she was thinking of his cane and his injury. He hated that.
“You’re…you’re a guest,” she said.
“I’m an intruder.”
“That would only be true if I hadn’t agreed for you to stay, but I did. I’m totally in control of the situation.”
He smiled at that.
“What?”
“I don’t think either of us is in control of the situation. You had a baby dumped on you out of the blue. I had a wife who divorced me, then kept my child from me. Now you’ve, unexpectedly, been asked to house a man when it’s obvious that that’s not something you and your employees are used to.”
A small smile lifted her lips.
“What?” he asked.
“That was so polite the way you put that, the fact that we’re not used to having men around. As you could see from some of the women’s reactions, it’s not that we dislike men. At least not all men. We’ve just…all of us have had bad experiences, so we’re taking a break. Some for the short term and some for forever. Julie’s on the road to being engaged, so her break’s over and she’ll most likely be leaving soon. But for the most part, yes, this place has become a bit of a haven for women who need to drop out of the bride game.”
“I’ve never heard it called that.”
“Me either. I just made it up. But it’s true that even in this century, most women grow up thinking they’ll probably eventually get married.”
“You?”
Her smile seemed to freeze. “I had a little more unconventional upbringing. I lost my father early, my stepfather and stepbrother were, to put it nicely, bullies without souls and my failed engagement…well, let’s just say that I have major trust issues and I won’t ever be a bride. I don’t want to be. So, I guess you were right, after all. I do steer clear of men.”
“Except for Toby.”
“He’s a baby.”
“He won’t always be a baby.”
“I know.” She sounded sad.
“You don’t want him to grow up?”
“Of course I do. I just—I won’t…he’s yours, Dillon. Not mine.”
She wouldn’t see him grow up.
“I’m sorry about that.” And he was. Genuinely. She cared about Toby, and already Dillon was inclined to think favorably of anyone who liked his child.
“It’s not your fault,” she told him. “You’ll take him away when you go, and if I were in your shoes…if he were mine, nothing would stop me from taking him home and claiming him. You shouldn’t even think about apologizing for that, just as I’m not going to apologize about the fact that I’ll miss him when he’s gone.”
“Good. I prefer honesty.” He’d had too little of that with Lisa. Or maybe