And her temper.
Nolan and his friends had been openly staring and talking about her. Without trying to hide it. What kind of friends did he have nowadays? She couldn’t hear what they said but knew for certain she was the object of conversation.
And she had felt Nolan’s stare above the rest.
Where was he?
She started to look around but stopped herself. She’d jump off the bridge before she’d broadcast how badly he’d rattled her. He had to be tracking her. She could still perceive him. Right now. Gaze drilled into her back right to her heart.
No matter.
This freakish accident tumbled them together but she wasn’t about to make anything out of it. He’d better not follow her to the hospital, either. She had nothing to say to him. Nothing.
Never mind small pings of joy that he would actually make an effort to come see her. Why would he?
The cold, sharp truth smarted like a dull needle. She hadn’t meant enough to him ten years ago or he would have found a way.
And she would not risk her heart to a man like that again. She’d have to mean more to him than his dreams.
To be fair, she hadn’t considered giving up hers, either. Couldn’t have expected Nolan to give up his. He really hadn’t had a choice whereas she had but hadn’t taken it.
Seeing how he rescued people today made her glad he hadn’t. The world needed men like that, willing to risk their lives so others can live. Their relationship had been a casualty of his creed and her cause.
She was no longer on his radar. Not even close. No use hoping for a relationship that had ended a decade ago.
Sweat trickled down Mandy’s back as she continued her trek across asphalt so hot it probably melted the tread on her soles. An EMT approached. “Think you can ride sitting up, Dr. Manchester?” he asked as she reached the line of open-door ambulances that had come from towns around to assist.
“Yes.”
Reece, Caden and Jayna sat like three lost baby ducks in a row inside a middle ambulance. The urge to shelter them hit her. How she loved children. She had an especially tender heart for fragile ones. She nodded that way. “If there’s room in there, I’ll ride with them.”
“Sure. But might be a bit before transport since we may need to stick a couple others in it.” He eyed her injuries.
Mandy nodded. “That’s fine.”
Hand lent, the EMT assisted her inside, and closed the door.
“Miss Mandy!” Reece scooted over and patted a place beside her. Bless the child’s assessment that her bottom could actually fit in that small space.
Caden must have noticed Mandy’s dilemma. He unlatched the strap across his thighs and moved to the bench.
“Scoot an itty bit more,” Mandy said, then sat between Reece and Jayna.
Grinning, Reece fisted her hand and lifted it to Mandy.
She smiled. “Just what am I supposed to do with that?”
Jayna giggled. “You go like this.” She fisted her hand and bumped Reece’s knuckles.
“Hi-fives aren’t hip anymore?”
Caden scowled. “No way. Neither is ‘hip.’ It’s older’n my grandma’s dinosaur’s grandma.”
Reece and Jayna erupted in giggles and squashed themselves up against her.
“Hey, Caden, I never did catch your last name.” Mandy wiggled her nose at the little boy.
“Boyle,” he said. Mandy caught sight of Nolan walking past. Looking for something? Someone? Her heart slammed against her sternum when he passed by, then disappeared from sight.
God, I miss him. Hurts too much to hope…
Mandy consciously repressed it all.
“Chief Boyle…” Mandy tilted her face in a dreamy lilt, making pretense of eyeing the ceiling, while actually looking for emergency items. Habit she supposed. “I do believe I like the sound of that.”
The children chortled.
Mandy joined them and felt the unprecedented stress of an unbearably hard day melt away. “Well all-right-y then. Fist bumps are what people do nowadays.” She raised hers and bumped each child, causing bubbly giggles to fill the ambulance.
The door opened and the EMT poked his head inside. “Dr. Manchester, you well enough to be the transport medic if I stay and ready other patients for air evacuation?”
“Absolutely. I’m right in my element here.” She smiled.
So did the EMT. “Any questions on where stuff is?”
She looked around, catching sight of the most important things. Oxygen. IV equipment. Code meds, though none of these children would need any of that. She searched for a seatbelt for the booth. “How do I secure them in?”
The EMT whose nametag read “Cole” tugged a clasp from a crack between padded benches. “Any other questions?”
“Why yes, in fact I do. Did you know fist bumps are in and hi-fives are old news?”
Cole laughed. “I’d heard fist bumps were a wave of the future.” He lifted his hand and touched gentle knuckles to each child, then Mandy’s. “Thank you.” He cast a deeply thankful look to her and closed the door.
Past him, through the windows, she could see men dressed as Nolan had been, assisting other paramedics with stabilizing those who would be flown to other hospitals. Probably those specializing in head and spinal trauma. The thought made her want to leap from the ambulance and help her fellow medical workers.
Likewise, the thought that Nolan, though unseen, could be on the other side of the doors made her want to bolt out and see him. Hold him. Catch up. Connect. Recapture something, anything. The sensation of being the only person in the world who knew the other so profoundly. They’d had a bond like nothing she’d ever known.
Then, one day, nothing.
Hands fisted, Mandy pressed them beneath her thighs and tilted toward the children. “So, what was your field trip?” The bus driver had explained it was an end-of-the-year gig but hadn’t said where. Chitchat would keep the kids’ minds off missing their parents, and her mind off missing Nolan.
Reece grinned. “We went to a science museum. It was fun.”
As the children chattered on, Mandy stacked pillows under her elbow and leaned back. Her wrist throbbed like crazy. But she didn’t want to trouble Cole or any others for pain meds. From some of the serious injuries she’d passed on her way to the ambulance, she definitely sat at the bottom of the triage totem.
Through the windows, a tawny-haired man with a military buzz came back into view. She didn’t have to strain her eyes to know it was Nolan. Nor did she have to see his eyes to know they were the most brilliant shade of blue.
As if sensing her stare, he shifted and looked around. She stiffened, then relaxed and craned her neck. He couldn’t know she was in this ambulance. Nor that she could watch him unaware. She could only see him from the shoulders up, and he was totally out of sight of the children, who would undoubtedly bombard her with questions should they notice her noticing Nolan.
He conversed with someone she couldn’t see, but his gaze kept coming back to sweep the line of ambulances.
She grew enthralled watching him. The lithe motions. Firm jaw. That lopsided grin that had graced her almost daily growing up as he’d walked her home from school because they lived in a bad neighborhood.