If only I’d put opposite shoes on the mannequins on purpose.
It was beginning to sink in that a) I might not have a job to return to, but b) my prospects for the next fortnight were looking up dramatically. I finally had an opportunity to be excited about—I couldn’t wait to update my Facebook status. It might even be worth joining LinkedIn! I just had to find myself a kit and pull together a suitcase of cool looks that would get me through a fortnight in the entertainment capital of the world, because I, Amber Green of Greater London, was going to Los Angeles in the morning.
If this had been a film, with Jennifer Lawrence playing me, she would have punched the air when my feet, now comfortably clad in Uggs, hit the street outside the boutique that day. However, because this was not the movies, and because Jas had been uncharacteristically cold and the Stick had spent the rest of the day blanking me—bar the occasional tut—the mood was subdued. She broke the silence in the stockroom, as we layered-up for the cold, by taking the unusual step of suggesting we walk to the tube together. Perhaps she wanted to continue blanking me in the outside world, too. Having spent the entire afternoon fastidiously busying myself with my usual shop duties and doing all I could not to look halfway near as excited as I was beginning to feel, I had been planning to bolt bang on six. My phone was burning a hole in my pocket. I was desperate to call people, to scream, to see Vicky—to make it all real. The last thing I needed was an uncomfortable three-minute walk to Bond Street tube with a furious Stick.
It soon transpired that far from starting a Dynasty-style bitch fight in the middle of South Molton Street, her tactic was indeed to continue ignoring me. Finally, as we turned the corner into Oxford Street, she spoke.
‘Bet you’ve had the best day ever?’
‘It’s been unusual, that’s for sure.’
‘So, she just told you you were going to LA, just like that?’
‘I think she was just desperate to get someone to replace Tamara.’
‘And my name didn’t even get mentioned?’
‘No. I mean, yes, it got mentioned, but you weren’t in the shop.’
‘So you went for it while I was out of sight?’
‘It wasn’t like that, Kiki.’
‘Didn’t you think you should tell her the shoes were an accident?’
Pass.
‘God, this is such a joke!’ She spat the words out.
‘Listen, Kiki, I don’t think it mattered to Mona if it was you or me. She just wanted someone—anyone—to help.’
‘Didn’t Jas tell her about me? How much more experience I’ve got? Didn’t she put up a fight?’
‘Would you fight Mona Armstrong?’
‘If it was worth fighting for, I would.’
Ouch. I stopped walking. ‘Kiki, I hate this. Shall we grab a coffee and talk about it properly?’
Kiki marched on, turning only briefly to shout over her shoulder: ‘Coffee? Is that supposed to be funny?’
‘Sorry, I forgot. Honestly, Kiki, Jas didn’t have a say in it. We both know I’ll probably get the sack after a day …’
But Kiki was more than a bit narked. She was angry.
‘It’s fucking ridiculous, that’s what it is. What does she think I am, a bloody skivvy? You should have gone for the coffee.’
‘Why—because I am a skivvy? A pointless skivvy who should have listened to your orders and kept her mouth shut the whole time Mona was in the store?’ Now my blood was starting to boil, too. ‘Perhaps, Kiki, just perhaps, Mona sent you for her coffee because she, like me, thinks you’re not a very nice person. A person who’s been so busy putting me down and bossing me around, she’s never actually spared a thought for how I might feel—about anything—until I suddenly got something you want. Until now. Well, you know what? Fuck you, Kiki. You’re a pathetic, skinny Stick Insect and I’m very happy I won’t have to see your thin face, or have to look at your pond water, or clear your stinking lettuce out of the fridge, or steam another piece of fabric because you can’t be bothered, because I’ll be in LA with Mona Armstrong, styling the stars.’ Hah! ‘Oh, and don’t forget, you signed an NDA so none of this can be repeated to anyone. Otherwise you’ll be sued. Hasta la vista, Stick, I’m off home to pack my killer heels.’
Of course I didn’t actually say that. But it was very real in my head. I’ve never been good at confrontation, so, in real life, I tried to bury the feelings of guilt currently making my stomach churn, and tried a change of tack.
‘That guy Rob seemed nice?’
‘I preferred the shaggy one.’
Au contraire.
We walked the final few steps in another awkward silence, both ranting inwardly. I decided against asking her opinion of what I should pack or if she had a kit I could borrow. The atmosphere between us was eating me alive, so I fibbed.
‘I think I’ll get the bus today. I need air.’
‘Fair enough.’
She didn’t even look me in the eye.
‘I guess I’ll see you in a couple of weeks, then.’
‘Yeah, if Jas will have you back.’
And she was gone, skinny jeans and dip-dyed hair lost in a crowd of commuters, probably heading to a Shoreditch pub to break her NDA and slag me off with some East London hipsters. I hope the NDA police are sitting at the next table.
When I had safely turned off Oxford Street onto Manchester Square—when I could be sure that neither Kiki nor Mona nor any TV cameras were spying on me to see if I was displaying any embarrassing, high-spirited emotions—I did what every twenty-six-year-old in possession of her best job offer ever does: I phoned my mum.
‘Are you walking again?’ she asked, before I even said hello.
For some reason my mother has an aversion to me walking and talking. Probably because I always seem to phone her when I’m in transit.
‘I’ve just finished work.’ I stopped in the street and cupped the phone, to block out some of the traffic noise.
‘It’d be nice if you phoned, just for a chat, when you weren’t on a noisy street, on your way somewhere, that’s all …’
‘I know, Mum. Anyway, guess what?’
‘You’re coming to see us this weekend?’
‘No …’
‘We’re coming to see you this weekend?’
‘Afraid not. I’ve got a new job!’
‘That’s fantastic news, darling! A proper one?’
‘It’s in fashion!’ Quiet on the end of the line. An indication that my mother does not view this as news of a proper job. ‘I’m going to be a celebrity stylist. Well, I’m going to be an assistant to a celebrity stylist—and she’s the celebrity stylist—I’m going to be Mona Armstrong’s number two. Well, I think number two.’ Maybe I’m her number ten? ‘I don’t actually know what my job title is. It’s a two-week thing.’
‘I thought for a second you’d decided to do the teacher training course …’
Not again.
‘Darling, there’s not much security