There were too many parallels to the last time he’d seen her, so it was impossible not to be swept up in nostalgia and bittersweet memories.
Pepper was all woman now, however. There was a level of maturity, almost an underlying stubbornness, that hadn’t been there before. The defiant tilt of her chin, the rigid shoulders, as if she dared him to bring up the past. Fine by him. He was all for living in the here and now... He just hadn’t expected to do it with her back in Stone River.
“I honestly didn’t expect to see you this soon,” she muttered. “It’s harder than I thought.”
Nolan swallowed...that guilt he’d been so good at tamping down suddenly threatening to overcome him.
“If this is too difficult—”
“No.” She shook her head. “We’ve moved on. It’s fine, just...different.”
She pushed her dark, satiny hair back with her hand, those bangles jingling again as she pasted on a smile. “Is this all you need? Two bouquets?”
“Give me your favorite painting,” he added impulsively. “It will be the perfect gift for Annabelle.”
“Colt’s fiancée?”
Nolan nodded. “She’s quite the cook and she has twin daughters, Emily and Lucy.”
Just as he’d hoped, Pepper’s smile widened. He hadn’t anticipated the punch of lust to his gut, though. What the hell?
This smoldering attraction was not welcome. Not. At. All. Memories were one thing, but layering in this fierce, unwanted need was simply not smart. Damn his libido.
“Sounds like Colt is a lucky man.”
If a man wanted a family, sure. Colt and Annabelle were perfect together and had found solace in each other during a tough time. When Annabelle’s father had literally gambled away their home to Colt, the two had sparred for a while before realizing they were crazy in love.
Love worked for some people, not for Nolan. Saving lives and being his own boss were more than rewarding as far as he was concerned. He’d tried the whole relationship thing with Pepper...and look where that had gotten him.
All he needed to do was continue on the way he had: dating, working, living day to day...ignoring that niggle of emptiness that crept up and choked him on occasion.
Nolan was more eager than ever to get to his date. He’d booked reservations at the classiest restaurant about an hour away and if things went as planned, he’d have no trouble taking her back to her place after. Because no woman ever went to his home. Ever. That was his sanctuary, a space he’d built on the back of Pebblebrook for privacy. That house held a special place in his heart and the reason why was standing right in front of him carrying another man’s baby.
After glancing at his purchases spread out on the counter, Nolan pulled out his credit card. Once he had the items paid for, he slid the painting beneath his arm and grabbed the two vases. “Thanks, Pepper.”
She folded her hands on the counter and nodded. “You’re welcome. Be sure to tell your friends where to get gifts for their ladies.”
“I definitely will.” He swallowed hard, deciding to go ahead and tell her what was weighing on his mind. “I’m sorry. I know I said that a long time ago, but...”
Her lids lowered for a second. Then she blew out a breath and met his gaze again. “It’s over, Nolan. I’m focusing on my baby, this new life I’m rebuilding. I can’t look back.”
Rebuilding. How many times had she done that since he’d left her? Pepper had always been such a vibrant woman, always happy and smiling. The loss of their child had dimmed her spark, and the way he broke things off had doused what little flicker of light had remained. He’d often wondered over the years if she’d ever found joy again...or who she’d found it with.
More potential heartbreak was definitely something he couldn’t and didn’t want to deal with. The risk was too great to even entertain such thoughts.
They’d both done exactly what they’d set out to do. He was damn happy being a doctor and a rancher. And his bachelor status would remain intact. He was getting ready to help Colt gear up to open Pebblebrook as a dude ranch, so any spare time he had was taken.
“I wish you the best,” he stated, the blasted guilt settling heavy in his chest. “See you around.”
“Yeah, see you,” she said softly.
With one final nod, Nolan headed out the door. He couldn’t get out of Painted Pansies fast enough. Sleep deprivation could cause a man to start thinking about things, decisions he’d made and everything he’d given up to seek success.
But Nolan didn’t have regrets on the path he’d taken. He did regret hurting Pepper, though, so much it cut him to the core. At one time he would’ve done anything for her, but in the end, they’d wanted different things and he couldn’t be what she wanted.
Nothing had changed since then, either. He’d opted not to have a family after they lost their child. He wouldn’t say he shut down exactly, but he’d certainly reevaluated what he desired in life and he knew for certain he wished never to go through that kind of anguish again.
Nolan carefully set the arrangements on the back floorboard of his SUV. This quaint shop Pepper had was perfect for her. For as long as he’d known her, she’d had a flare for art and creativity. She’d been a dreamer, one of the things he’d loved most about her.
Without looking back to see inside the wide storefront window, Nolan forced himself to move forward. Wasn’t that what he’d always done? Pushed onward, no matter what was going on internally. That was what made him one of the best doctors around. He could compartmentalize his feelings and turn them off when needed.
The jumbled emotions he had after seeing Pepper were absolutely not something he was ready to face...no matter how attractive she still was. So he’d shut those feelings down, just like he had the last time he saw her.
The aftermath of this date was quite the opposite of what Nolan had initially planned. But cutting the evening short had been his idea...and he was still second-guessing his decision.
He’d taken his date home and dropped her off with a lackluster kiss good-night. In hindsight, he could’ve put more enthusiasm into the kiss and should’ve been whisking her off her feet and to the nearest bed. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been in the right frame of mind for a sexual romp or even dessert. He’d feigned not feeling well, when the reality was, he’d spent his entire night envisioning another woman.
Damn it. Pepper had barely stepped back into town and now he was totally off his game. Well, technically, she’d told him she’d been back a month, but he’d only seen her this morning. Bottom line...he’d not had any heads-up on her return. Clearly he’d been too busy working to familiarize himself with the latest gossip running amok in Stone River.
But deep down, he knew nothing could’ve mentally prepared him for how he’d feel when he saw Pepper after ten long years. Hell, he wasn’t sure he could even put a name to it.
Nolan found himself heading toward Painted Pansies before he recognized what he was doing. Why was he even on this road? This was quite a bit out of the way of his home on Pebblebrook Ranch.
Thankfully, he was off tomorrow, because he knew he’d be up all night trying to figure out why in tarnation he was getting so—
What the hell?
Nolan saw the flames in the distance, but as he got closer, he realized they were shooting out the top-floor window of Pepper’s building.