Maybe if she kept repeating that, she’d believe it. And give up the dream of pursuing something with Mateo. She was dying, after all.
THERE WAS NOTHING like helping bring a baby into the world. Despite the blood and mess and chaos, no moment felt better to Page. She carefully took the newborn from Dr. Angela Achatz and carried her to the new mom, who wept as Page placed the baby on her chest. “Congratulations,” she whispered, as the mom turned her head to share the moment with her husband.
She watched as the couple had eyes only for their infant girl and each other. Page banished the bitter thought of never having that moment herself and returned to aiding the doctor with the afterbirth. Ever since she’d heard about Chad and his girlfriend expecting a baby, the elation Page usually felt at each birth had dimmed a little. She had started to feel hollow, rather than filled with the usual happiness she’d experienced before.
Dr. Achatz peered at her. “Are you okay, nurse? You look a little pale.”
Page tried to smile and nodded. “Yep. I’ll take the mother and baby to postnatal. Then I’ll check on the status of the mom’s room.”
“Tiffany can do that.” Dr. Achatz motioned to one of the other nurses, who nodded and walked over to the couple to let them know the next steps. “I was hoping you and I could have a chat.”
Page hated to hear what the OB-GYN doctor would need to talk to her about. She knew Dr. Achatz didn’t like that she’d reduced her working hours, but the chemotherapy left her tired and in a brain fog. She’d spoken to her supervisor, Joann, about her fears that her fatigue and weakness would result in her making a mistake or miss a doctor’s orders. She refused to put her patients in harm’s way when she knew the risks involved for herself. She rearranged the instruments that the doctor had used for the labor on the surgical tray.
Her stalling tactic didn’t work. Dr. Achatz crooked her finger at Page and pointed at the sinks, where she started to remove her gloves and wash her hands. “How are you really feeling, Page?”
She got really bored of hearing that same question from well-meaning friends. And was even more tired of repeating the same answer. “Better than the last few days.”
“When is your next infusion?”
Page counted the days to her next chemo appointment. “Next week. What did you want to talk to me about, Dr. Achatz?” No point in chitchat if the doctor had something important to discuss with her.
Angela removed the surgical cap from her head and shook out her hair. “I have a case coming up that I’d like you to assist with.”
If she had any hair left, her eyebrows would have raised. “Assist?” Nurses may help the doctor in a delivery, but they didn’t assist. Page frowned and tried to figure out what Angela was up to.
The doctor nodded and untied the yellow surgical dress from around her neck and placed the garment in the laundry bag. “I’m going to need a lot more assistance on it than the typical L-and-D nurse. I need someone like you, with more advanced training. You’re still interested in pursuing the midwife program at the college?”
Oh. Before cancer had returned for the third time, Page had talked about taking midwife courses and adding to her nursing skills. She’d even toyed with the idea of going back to medical school for her degree once she was in remission, but she hadn’t had a chance to look at the application before cancer had shown up once more. “Things being what they are right now, I’m not doing anything but concentrating on getting better.”
Angela studied her as if Page was under a microscope. “Has Dr. Frazier mentioned anything about your prognosis?”
Her oncologist had hopes that the particular chemo cocktail she was on would knock the cancer out of her body long-term. But being a three-time loser with the disease didn’t make Page believe in fairy tales of remission. “I’m just trying to get through chemo and eventually make it to the five-year mark of being cancer-free.”
“But what if you could get to that five years with your midwife certification?” She put a hand on Page’s shoulder. “Think about it. You’re a wonderful nurse, but someone with your skills could really advance further. My clinic needs more people like you.”
Dr. Achatz walked out of the delivery room, leaving Page where she stood. She took a deep breath and glanced at her reflection in the window above the sinks. She couldn’t think about anything right now apart from taking care of her body. Improving her skills could wait.
* * *
PAGE SAT ON the empty hospital bed and let her legs dangle. “Can you believe she asked me to apply for the program?”
April stopped filling out paperwork and looked up at her. “And why shouldn’t you? You’d be a great asset to her and the patients.”
“Hey, I don’t want to hear that I need to visualize my future after cancer, or that life continues with or without healing.” She groaned and laid back on the hospital bed, her arm over her eyes. “I must be crazy for even considering it.”
“You’re not crazy. You’re looking ahead with a glimmer of hope.”
She shot upright and April gave her a wide grin and waggled her eyebrows. “You knew I couldn’t resist saying something woo woo.”
“You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t.” Page glanced at her watch. “I’ve got about twenty minutes left on my break. Want to get something to eat?”
“You’re hungry? That’s a good sign.”
“Don’t read too much into it.” She slid off the bed and followed April from the trauma room.
The doors to the emergency room opened suddenly and a gurney being pushed by a paramedic—with a girl on it—sped toward them. April dumped her paperwork by the intake nurse and followed the girl into the just vacated trauma room.
Page continued walking to the cafeteria when she heard April call her name. She turned and April waved her back over to the trauma room. “I could really use your help on this one.”
“I’m an L-and-D nurse, remember?” But Page followed her inside anyway.
April motioned to the girl. “This is Ruby and she’s in labor.”
Page froze, taken aback at how young the patient seemed. “Sweetie, how far along are you?”
Ruby groaned as she grasped her rounded belly. “I don’t know. Six or seven months? What’s happening?”
Either one was too early for the baby. Page glanced at April. “Has her water broken yet? We might be able to stop labor.”
April put the stirrups into an upright position and Page helped move Ruby, so that the doctor could get a better look. She pushed the dark, kinky hair off the girl’s forehead. “Dr. Sprader is going to examine you to see if the placental sac is still intact. If it is, we can probably get the labor pains to stop. How long have you been having them?”
“Since early this morning, but I thought it was a tummy ache from something I ate.” Ruby’s face withered. “I didn’t think he was coming now.”
“The sac is fine,” April told them. “You’re only dilated to about a three, Ruby, so we can try to reverse this and give the baby more time to grow and develop.”
She glanced at Page, who nodded at the unspoken request and left the room. She retrieved a fetal monitor and returned to the room. “We’re going to get you hooked up to this so we can watch the baby and the contractions.”
April wrote her orders on a small pad and gave it to the other ER nurse, who left to retrieve the meds. She turned back to the girl. “We’re going to give you something