“Miriam would laugh herself sick if anyone told her you were involved with me,” she said shortly. “I was only eighteen when you married her. She didn’t consider me any kind of competition then, and she was right. I wasn’t, and I’m not.” She lifted her chin with mangled pride. “I’m talented, but I’m not pretty. She’ll never believe you see anything interesting about me.”
He had to control his expression not to betray the sting of those words. It hurt him to hear Arabella talk so cynically. He didn’t like remembering how badly he’d had to hurt her. At the time, it didn’t seem that he’d had a choice. But explaining his reasoning to Arabella four years too late would accomplish nothing.
His eyes darkened as he watched Arabella with the old longing. He didn’t know how he was going to bear having to let her walk out of his life a second time. But at least he might have a few weeks with her under the pretext of a mutual-aid pact. Better that than nothing. At least he might have one or two sweet memories to last him through the barren years ahead.
“Miriam isn’t stupid,” he said finally. “You’re a young woman now, well-known in your field and no longer a country mouse. She won’t know how sheltered you’ve been, unless you tell her.” His eyes slid gently over her face. “Even without your father’s interference, I don’t imagine you’ve had much time for men, have you?”
“Men are treacherous,” she said without thinking. “I offered you my heart and you threw it in my teeth. I haven’t offered it again, to anyone, and I don’t intend to. I’ve got my music, Ethan. That’s all I need.”
He didn’t believe her. Women didn’t go that sour over a youthful infatuation, especially when it was mostly physical to begin with. Probably the drugs they’d given her had upset her reasoning, even if he’d give an arm to believe she’d cared that much. “What if you don’t have music again?” he asked suddenly.
“Then I’ll jump off the roof,” she replied with conviction. “I can’t live without it. I don’t want to try.”
“What a cowardly approach.” He said the words coldly to disguise a ripple of real fear at the way she’d looked when she said that.
“Not at all,” she contradicted him. “At first it was my father’s idea to push me into a life of concert tours. But I love what I do. Most of what I do,” she corrected. “I don’t care for crowds, but I’m very happy with my life.”
“How about a husband? Kids?” he probed.
“I don’t want or need either,” she said, averting her face. “I have my life planned.”
“Your damned father has your life planned,” he shot back angrily. “He’d tell you when to breathe if you’d let him!”
“What I do is none of your concern,” she replied. Her green eyes met his levelly. “You have no right whatsoever to talk about my father trying to dominate me, when you’re trying to manipulate me yourself to help you get Miriam out of your hair.”
One silvery eye narrowed. “It amazes me.”
“What does?” she asked.
“That you hit back at me with such disgusting ease and you won’t say boo to your father.”
“I’m not afraid of you,” she said. She laced her fingers together. “I’ve always been a little in awe of my father. The only thing he cares about is my talent. I thought if I got famous, he might love me.” She laughed bitterly. “But it didn’t work, did it? Now he thinks I may not be able to play again and he doesn’t want anything to do with me.” She looked up with tear-bright eyes. “Neither would you, if it wasn’t for Miriam hotfooting it down here. I’ve never been anything but a pawn where men were concerned, and you think my father is trying to run my life?”
He stuck the hand that wasn’t holding the cigarette into his pocket. “That’s one miserable self-image you’ve got,” he remarked quietly.
She looked away. “I know my failings,” she told him. She closed her eyes. “I’ll help you keep Miriam at bay, but you won’t need to protect me from my father. I very much doubt if I’ll ever see him again after what’s happened.”
“If that hand heals properly, you’ll see him again.” Ethan tossed the unlit cigarette into an ashtray. “I have to get Mother and Mary and drive them in to see you. The man I sent for your clothes should be back by then. I’ll bring your things with us.”
“Thank you,” she said stiffly.
He paused by the bedside, his eyes attentive. “I don’t like having to depend on other people, either,” he said. “But you can carry independence too far. Right now, I’m all you’ve got. I’ll take care of you until you’re back on your feet. If that includes keeping your father away, I can do that, too.”
She looked up. “What do you have in mind to keep Miriam from thinking our relationship is a sham?”
“You look nervous,” he remarked. “Do you think I might want to make love to you in front of her?”
Her cheeks went hot. “Of course not!”
“Well, you can relax. I won’t ask you for the ultimate sacrifice. A few smiles and some hand-holding ought to get the message across.” He laughed bitterly as he looked down at her. “If that doesn’t do it, I’ll announce our engagement. Don’t panic,” he added icily when he saw the expression on her face. “We can break it off when she leaves, if we have to go that far.”
Her heart was going mad. He didn’t know what the thought of being engaged to him did to her. She loved him almost desperately, but it was obvious that he had no such feeling for her.
Why did he need someone to help him get Miriam to leave him alone? she wondered. Maybe he still loved Miriam and was afraid of letting her get to him. Arabella closed her eyes. Whatever his reason, she couldn’t let him know how she felt. “I’ll go along, then,” she said. “I’m so tired, Ethan.”
“Get some rest. I’ll see you later.”
She opened her eyes. “Thank you for coming to see me. I don’t imagine it was something you’d have chosen to do, except that Dad asked you.”
“And you think I care enough for your father’s opinion to make any sacrifices on his behalf?” he asked curiously.
“Well, I don’t expect you to make any on mine,” she said coolly. “God knows, you disliked me enough in the old days. And still do, I imagine. I shouldn’t have said anything to you about Miriam—”
She was suddenly talking to thin air. He was gone before the words were out of her mouth.
* * *
Ethan was back with Coreen and Mary later that day, but he didn’t come into the room.
Coreen, small and delicate, was everything Arabella would have ordered in a custom-made mother. The little woman was spirited and kind, and her battles with Ethan were legendary. But she loved Arabella and Mary, and they were as much her daughters as Jan, her own married daughter who lived out of state.
“It was a blessing that Ethan was home,” Coreen told Arabella while Mary, Arabella’s best friend in public school, sat nearby and listened to the conversation with twinkling brown eyes. “He’s been away from home every few days since his divorce was final, mostly business trips. He’s been moody and brooding and restless. I found it amazing that he sent Matt on his last one.”
“Maybe he was out making up for lost time after the divorce was final,” Arabella said quietly. “After all, he was much too honorable himself to indulge in anything indecent while he was technically married.”
“Unlike Miriam, who was sleeping with anything in pants just weeks after they married,” Coreen said bluntly. “God knows why she held on to him for so long, when everyone knew she