Besides, the crazy hours and emotional challenges had drawn her closer to the handsome older man who had started out as her boss before evolving into much more. She admired him; she respected him, but it was love that was making the words knot in her throat.
She claimed a seat where a rattletrap oscillating fan on the desk could swivel back and forth between them. “I think I mentioned to you I was engaged before,” she admitted, the breeze blowing a strand of long, dark brown hair—an escapee from her clip—into her face. “It was one of those whirlwind affairs, everything moving at light speed.”
She flushed, remembering the heat of it, the passion, how exciting it had felt to be caught up in something so out of her control. But thrilling as they might seem, whirlwinds had the potential to cause a lot of damage. The kind of heartbreak she’d sworn she would never risk again.
“It didn’t take long for me to realize he was lying about his deployments. There were other disappearances as well, with no warning and no explanation. I couldn’t deal with the uncertainty, so I broke it off.”
A smile touched Julian’s brown eyes like a warm breeze from his Savannah boyhood. He’d promised he would take her one day, to see the historic Victorian home where he’d grown up before it had passed out of the family. “Everyone has a past, Andrea. I didn’t imagine you’d lived underneath a bell jar for thirty-one years before you’d met me.”
“Yes, but bizarre as it might seem, it was this man, Ian. Captain Rayford. He was still just a lieutenant then, and I was working on my doctorate. I—I should’ve told you, I know, after the news broke that he was found alive.”
For weeks following his return, the “Texas miracle” was all anyone could talk about on the morning shows and social media. While Ian himself refused all interviews, the army had been left scrambling to explain how one set of charred remains could have been mistaken for another after some overworked soldier in the military’s mortuary center had failed to follow proper DNA procedures to identify the body.
“So why didn’t you say something?” he asked. “Surely, you can’t imagine I’d hold you accountable for any of the suspicions brought up about his escape from the terrorists holding him?”
“No, of course not. It’s just...” Though she couldn’t put an answer into words, she felt it in the warm flush that rose to her face, the aching heaviness in her chest.
“You still have feelings for him,” Julian suggested, though his sharp, brown gaze seemed more curious than judgmental. “Is that what you’re saying?”
“No, it’s not that.” She raised her hands, not wanting to hurt this good man’s feelings. “It’s only—when he was reported killed in action, it brought back a lot of memories. The good, along with the bad.”
Her gaze dropped, avoiding his, but because she’d learned the hard way that lies of omission could be the worst of all, she forced herself to look up. “I cried a lot at night. For months, I cried for him.” Even after she’d met Julian, she’d come to work some mornings with her eyes red and swollen. His unfailing kindness, his steadiness had planted the first seeds of healing in her.
“I’m sorry for your grief,” he told her. “But I assure you that I understand it. Possibly better than you can imagine. You see, the army personnel who debriefed the captain passed on his full dossier with the referral. I saw your name listed on his contact list, to be notified in case he was killed in action.”
The burning in her face intensified. “He must have added me two years ago, when we were still together.” She still remembered the horrendous shock that had followed the knock at the front door of her apartment back in San Diego.
“That’s not my point, Andrea. My point is, I feel certain—and the army psychologist I consulted is in full agreement on this—that your past connection to Ian Rayford could be the key to recovering his missing memories.”
She shook her head. “You mean he’s still suffering amnesia? Was he found to have a brain injury?”
“If you’ll take a look at the file—” the fan swung around to ruffle Julian’s short, bronze-colored hair, a crop of silver threaded through it “—you’ll see that’s not the case, though he does have some residual scarring. From the torture, they believe, in attempts to extract intelligence on US targets.”
“But he was cleared of those suspicions,” she was quick to say. “And anyway, after a soldier’s captured, codes are changed, right? Sensitive locations scrambled?” She was aware American civilians working in a war zone office had died or disappeared soon after Ian’s capture, but few details had been reported, and surely, the bombing of their building could not be laid at the feet of a man who had suffered heaven only knew what torments.
Julian nodded, but his brown eyes looked troubled. “Officially, he was absolved of any responsibility in the bombing and given a medical discharge. Considering the hero’s welcome drummed up by that Rayford woman’s story—”
“Jessie Layton is his brother Zach’s wife, isn’t she? The journalist?” Andrea narrowed her eyes, trying to get it straight in her mind, since she’d never met Ian’s family. They’d been estranged for years, he’d told her, though he’d avoided going into details—something that should have raised another red flag. But then, Andrea had her family secrets, too, issues so painful they’d sent her into counseling when she was in her teens. The relief she’d gotten, the insight into the dynamics that had destroyed her family, had led her to pursue the study of psychology.
Julian nodded in answer to her question. “Cutting Captain Rayford loose, giving him the benefit of the doubt, was the only thing the military could do, especially since he was diagnosed as having dissociative amnesia as a result of torture.”
Andrea lifted a brow. “Not to mention all the suffering the screwup over the body caused both his family and the other soldier’s. What a PR nightmare that boondoggle’s been.”
“So I’m told,” said Julian, “which brings us back to you.”
Apprehension crawled over her skin like live ants. “Let Michael take him. Or Connor. He’s a real pro, and the guys love that he’s ex-military himself.”
“Neither of the counselors will do, or Cassidy, either, for this case,” Julian said, though as a psychiatric nurse-practitioner, Cassidy had both the experience and the ability to dispense any necessary medications. “You see, Captain Rayford has refused to come here. Refused to leave the family’s ranch at all. Says he’s had enough of shrinks poking through his head—”
“So you want to send me, a psychologist?”
“The man doesn’t need or want a psychologist right now, but a friend, he might accept. And a trained friend, someone with your sensitivity, might find a way to break through. A way to help a man whose plight has drawn so much attention—and a way to help us, too, at Warriors-4-Life.”
She folded her arms beneath her chest. “Really, Julian? That’s what this is all about? The money?”
He sighed. “Come on, Andrea. You know I’m 100 percent focused on these soldiers. But as director, fund-raising is a big part of my job description, and if we don’t get donations up before next quarter, we’re going to have way bigger problems than a broken AC system.”
Worry