Jonathan had, if he were honest with himself, looked forward to seeing Miss Catherine again. When he had visited the baronial estate two months ago, she had always laughed at his jests rather than looking at him with pity, as others did, when he acted silly.
Acted...
He ground his teeth as his jaw worked. Was he becoming just like the rest of his family? Their lives were one continuous illusion. His siblings played roles, changing like chameleons to attract an admirer with both title and wealth, as they took advantage of the social whirl. Creating such a persona was a skill they had learned from an early age, when their parents had chosen to live separate lives but maintain the image of the perfect family.
Now he had become like them, pretending that a lie was the truth. Everyone believed he was a hero who had saved his best friend’s life on the battlefield. If he had spoken up the first time someone had lauded him for saving Northbridge, he would not have to be living now with the abhorrent lie. But he had not admitted that he had stumbled and slammed into the French soldier. It had been enough to keep the Frenchman’s sword from slicing off Northbridge’s head, leaving his friend only with a scar where the blade had glanced off his cheek.
But that did not make Jonathan a hero. It made him a clumsy oaf, as his father had called him so often, when Jonathan was struggling to get used to growth spurts that had him sprouting up two or more inches seemingly overnight.
He should have told the truth from the beginning. Now it was too late, and he had become the very thing he despised. An illusion that everyone accepted as the truth. He had no idea what his friends would think of him, if they discovered the truth now, but he also did not know how much longer he could live what both he and God knew was a lie. He often wondered if God had let him leave the battlefield alive in order to right the mistake he had made. If so, he was letting God down a second time.
“Bother!” came Miss Catherine’s voice through an open doorway just in front of him. “You didn’t do that, did you? I cannot believe this!”
Jonathan waited to hear a reply, but there was none. Curiosity drew him to the door that was flanked by suits of armor. He looked in to see a fire dancing on the white marble hearth. Carved with vines and birds and lush grapes, it was too ornate for his taste. Books covered every shelf in the bookcases that lined the other walls, and more were piled on the floor and on the overstuffed chairs.
Cat stood by a rosewood desk covered with stacks of papers, her fists clenched on one pile. Cat. He had not thought of Catherine’s childhood nickname since he had left Meriweather Hall, but it suited her. She was small, at least a foot shorter than his six-foot-four height, and her black hair was as sleek as a cat’s fur. Instead of green eyes, she had earth-brown ones. Yet they sparked like a cat’s when her emotions were high, as they were now.
“Is everything all right?” he asked from the doorway.
She whirled, her eyes wide.
“I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said.
“I was lost in thought.” Her voice was filled with frustration. “I was doing some work for the Christmas Eve ball.”
He stepped into the room. “And it sounds as if there is a problem.”
“It would appear that Cousin Edmund forgot that he had asked me to send out invitations to the wedding and the assembly. I spent hours on them. If I had not had Vera’s help, I doubt I could have gotten them done on time.”
He nodded, recalling that Vera Fenwick, the vicar’s sister, was Cat’s bosom-bow. “I see.”
“No, you don’t.” She pushed away from the desk and leaned her fists on the back of one of the chairs. “I am receiving replies from invitations that I did not send, people telling me that they are delighted to attend. All I can figure is that, after asking me to handle the invitations, Cousin Edmund went ahead and invited more people without telling me.”
Jonathan tried to quell the smile that tickled his lips.
She must have noticed his efforts because she grimaced. “I know it sounds petty, but I had everything planned out. And now...”
“Now you have to make a change in plans.”
“Yes, and that is far less simple than it sounds.”
“Poor Meriweather,” he said. “He cannot make up his mind whom to invite, so he invited everyone.”
Cat’s shoulders eased from their rigid line. “I didn’t think of it that way. Oh, dear! What a muddle this has become! To say something to him would be cruel, so I will endeavor to make the adjustments without bothering him.” She sighed. “I hope he will not regret avoiding that decision when the rest of our guests start to arrive, and we don’t have enough room for everyone.” She glanced toward the window. “Although if it keeps snowing like this, I wonder who will come.”
“You sound hopeful.”
Catherine smiled at his jesting tone. “I didn’t intend it that way. I want everything to be perfect for Sophia and Charles.”
He chuckled. “Would you like some advice I received from a very wise man?”
“I can use all the advice I can get.” She sat on the chair and tilted her head back to look up at him.
Sitting in the chair that faced hers, Jonathan said, “A very wise man told me that nothing goes smoothly, but if the other party never sees the mistake, because you have remedied it, then the mistake never happened. At least in the other’s mind.”
“Who told you that?”
“Mr. Lippincott, the man I read the law with.” He leaned toward her, putting his hands on his thighs, so her nose and his were an inch apart. His voice dropped to a rumbling whisper. “He gave me that counsel when I first began to work on my own. I was so afraid of making an error, I could do nothing. Once I took his words to heart, I found it much simpler.”
“That is good advice.” Her voice was uneven as she slanted away from him. “I will try to remember it, but I just want everything to be perfect.”
He was astonished. He could not imagine any of his six siblings going to such lengths to help someone else. They had been derisive both when he had decided to study law and when he had bought his commission to serve in the army. That he had come home as a hero had silenced them somewhat.
If they knew the truth...
He pushed that thought aside and affixed a smile on his lips again. “Good, and never forget that, if the burden becomes too much to bear, you need not shoulder everything alone.”
“I know. The household staff—”
He shook his head. “I was speaking of handing the problem over to God. With His help, there is nothing you cannot accomplish.”
Cat looked down at her hands in her lap. They were clenched so tightly that her knuckles were white.
What had he said to distress her so? He waited for her to answer or to look at him. An icy chill flowed through him. Maybe he should offer to leave so someone else might use his rooms. When he said as much, she shook her head.
“No, don’t even suggest that.” She raised her eyes, and he was almost staggered by the pain within them. Had he caused it? He prayed not. “I know Charles and Sophia would be hurt if you departed before their wedding,” she said.
“All right. I won’t say that again, but, for what it is worth, I will be