‘Oh, Marina, I had no idea.’ Aisha slid a hand beneath one of her sister’s tightly bound arms and coaxed her into a walk through the fragrant garden. ‘What happened between you two?’
What hadn’t happened? Marina dropped her head, the weight of painful memories dragging her spirits with it. ‘Everything and nothing. It all came to nothing.’ She frowned. No, not nothing. She still had Chakir. ‘I was stupid. Naive. I flew too close to the sun and it’s no wonder I came crashing down.’
‘Okay. So you had an affair that ended badly, right?’
And this time it was Marina’s turn to squeeze her sister’s arm. ‘I’m sorry, Aisha. I’m not making sense, I know. But you’re right. I met Bahir one night at a party—eyes across a crowded casino, the whole boring cliché, I guess.’
She looked intently at her sister, trying to make her understand. ‘But the attraction was so intense, so immediate, and I knew in that instant that we were going to spend the night together. And one night turned into a week and then a month and more, and it was reckless and passionate and didn’t look like ending. And I really thought I loved him, you know. I actually thought for one mad moment—maybe more than just one—that he was the one.’ She sighed, staring blankly into the distance. ‘But I couldn’t have been more wrong.’
‘Oh, Marina, I’m sorry. I had no idea.’
‘How could you? It wasn’t as if I was ever home to share my news. And we seemed to have so little in common back then. You seemed content to stay in the family fold while I was continually rebelling against it. Our brothers provided the necessary heir and spare and our father made no bones about it. I figured I was surplus to requirements and so I might as well enjoy myself.’
‘A redundant princess,’ Aisha said softly to herself, remembering another time, another conversation.
‘What did you say?’
She smiled and shook her head as they resumed walking. ‘Nothing. It’s funny how different we are. But there were times I envied you your freedom and the fact you got to choose your lovers. There were days I wished I could be more like you, headstrong and rebellious, instead of bound by duty. But I guess they both have their down sides.’
‘Amen.’ Marina sighed and turned her face to the heavens. ‘And now you’re married to one of his best friends. Small world, isn’t it, when someone who has told you to get out of their life for ever suddenly turns up on your doorstep? Oh, Aisha, I can’t go with him. Don’t make me go with him!’ Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes with the pain of the past. Tears rolled down her cheeks with the complexities of the present and her fears for the future. ‘What a mess!’
‘He must have hurt you so very much.’
‘He hates me.’
‘Are you sure? He was there when they rescued you.’
‘I doubt that he wanted to be. The others would have expected it, that’s all.’
Aisha nodded. ‘It’s true they are close. Zoltan told me they were the brothers he never had. But hate you? People say things in the heat of the moment—stupid things—but they don’t mean them, not really.’
Marina shook her head, her lips pressed tightly together until she could find the words, the burden of her secret suddenly too heavy to bear. ‘Oh, he hates me. Even if he had forgotten how much, he will surely hate me when he discovers the truth.’
Aisha stopped walking and turned to her, fear in her eyes. ‘Discovers what truth?’
Marina looked at her through eyes scratchy and raw, and her soul bleaker than at any other time in her life. ‘The truth about his son.’
Her sister’s mouth opened wide. ‘Oh no, Marina, surely not? Is Chakir Bahir’s child?’
She nodded.
‘But you told everyone you didn’t know who the father was.’
Marina put a hand to her mouth. ‘I know. It was easier that way. And nobody had any trouble believing it.’
‘I’m so sorry!’
‘Don’t be. I had a reputation as a party girl and it came in handy. It made it easier to hide the truth. It was easier to pretend it didn’t matter.’
‘Even from Bahir.’
‘He has no idea.’
Aisha’s feet stilled on the path, her gaze fixed on nothing, and when she looked up at her sister Marina was afraid of what she saw in her eyes. ‘I think you need to get on that plane. With Bahir.’
Marina pulled back. ‘I won’t go with him. I can’t face him.’
‘But you have to tell him.’
‘Do I?’
‘Of course you do! You have let him know that he is a father; that he has a child.’
She shook her head. ‘He doesn’t want to know.’
‘He has a right to know. It is right that you tell him. And you must tell him. You have no choice.’
‘He won’t want to hear. He never wanted a child.’
‘Then maybe he should have thought about that.’ Aisha gave her sister’s shoulders a squeeze. ‘I’ll tell Zoltan it’s all set.’
‘No! I only told you so you would understand why I can’t see him again. I would never have told you otherwise.’
Her sister smiled, a soft and sad smile. ‘I think you told me because you already know what you have to do. You just needed to hear it from someone else.’
Knowing Aisha was right didn’t make boarding the Al-Jiradi private jet any easier. No easier at all when she’d seen the plane land and knew he was already waiting inside. How Zoltan had managed to talk Bahir into this was anybody’s guess. He would not be happy about it; of that much she was certain.
‘You can do this,’ Aisha said as she gave her older sister a final squeeze. ‘I know you can.’
Marina smiled weakly in return, wishing she believed her, and waved one last time before disappearing into the covered stairs leading to the plane. Right now her legs were so weak and her stomach so tightly wound, it felt like if it snapped she would spin right off the stairs. A fate infinitely preferable, nonetheless, to being enclosed in the cabin of an aircraft with Bahir.
But it had to be done. For more than three years she had wrestled with the question of whether to tell Bahir of Chakir’s existence. At first it had been easy to say nothing, the pain of their break-up still raw, the savagery of his declaration never to have children still uppermost in her mind. Why should Bahir be informed of his child’s existence, she’d reasoned, when he’d told her he never wanted to see her again? He would not thank her for discovering that, no matter what either of them wanted, they were bound together via the life of a child they had jointly created.
Then, when Hana had come into the world, there had been plenty to think about, and the question of Bahir’s rights to know had been easy to ignore. Suddenly mother to two fatherless children, why complicate matters with the father of only one? And Bahir had made it clear he was not a family man; he didn’t want her or a child and they certainly didn’t need him.
But she’d had reason to wonder lately as she’d watched her young son grow and turn from baby to toddler to young boy, and she’d found herself wondering what Chakir himself would want.
She swallowed back on a lump of apprehension that had lodged in the dry sandy desert that was now her throat. So despite Bahir telling her that he never wanted a child, and even though she was more than happy to accept that as his final word on the topic, maybe for the sake of