Anna nodded more times than was healthy in quick succession. ‘Right. Yes. I can do this.’ She forcefully thrust her passport forward, taking the zoned-out check-in desk operative by surprise.
‘Thank you, have you read the list regarding hand luggage …’ It seemed to kick-start him off on his recited piece, which he probably repeated hundreds of times a day. Anna answered the questions as if she were in court being charged with something. When the grilling was over he held out her passport and boarding pass and said in a singsong voice, ‘Have a nice flight.’
Anna was trying to form a reply when Hudson guided her away. ‘Next we are going through security check, then to the champagne bar.’
‘I’m going to need to score hard drugs before I can get on the plane. What am I doing?’ Anna spun around feeling disorientated by all the jolly people with brightly coloured cases.
‘You are getting on a plane to New York if it’s the last thing you do.’
Anna stopped walking. ‘It was the last thing my sister did,’ she said, her face serious.
‘What?’ Hudson looked shocked.
‘Lynsey, my sister. I told you she had undiagnosed epilepsy and had a seizure.’
‘Yeah.’ He gave a sympathetic head tilt.
‘It happened on the flight to Tenerife.’ Anna felt wobbly as a sick sensation washed over her.
Hudson rubbed his temple. ‘That’s why you have a fear of flying.’ It was a statement, not a question, but Anna nodded. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve pressured you into this. I didn’t realise …’
‘It’s okay. I have to face it one day. Why not today?’ She tried her hardest to sound positive.
‘Why not indeed.’ He linked arms with her and escorted her to security.
The business lounge was like a very swish hotel reception and Hudson checked them both in. Anna was still feeling a little flustered after the security check. She was sitting with an orange juice watching Hudson sip chilled champagne.
‘You’ve done this loads, haven’t you?’ she asked.
‘Yep, I’ve no idea how many times. It’s like taking the train to me.’
‘That’s good,’ said Anna. ‘I’ll remember that. It’s like taking the train … apart from being thirty-nine thousand feet up in the air!’ She took a gulp from her orange juice and choked.
‘Hey, slowly,’ said Hudson, taking the glass off her. ‘It’ll be completely fine. I promise you.’ The way he looked into her eyes as he said it made her insides turn to mush. ‘Let’s get something to eat and then I’ve booked us in for a massage.’
‘Booked us a massage?’
‘It’ll help you to relax.’ He tilted his head. ‘It’s not together or anything weird.’
‘Good. Thank you. Nothing weird is good.’
She drank plenty of water at Hudson’s instruction, took the medication her doctor had prescribed to help her stay calm and came back from her massage feeling like she couldn’t be bothered to do much at all. Before she knew it, Hudson was gathering up their carry-ons and ushering her towards the gate, which turned out not to be a gate at all but another less equipped waiting area.
All was well until Hudson took her over to where three small children had their noses pressed to the glass of a giant window. Anna saw what they were looking at – an enormous plane. Her knees buckled and at the same time Hudson’s hand snaked around her waist to keep her upright.
She looked up into his blue eyes. ‘I’ve got you,’ he said.
The tunnel down to the plane was the best part. The enormous plane she’d seen through the glass seemed much smaller on the inside. Their seats were near the front and as soon as she’d sat down someone was offering her a glass of bubbly, which she politely turned away.
Hudson made sure she had what she needed from her bags and then stowed them in the overhead lockers and began fiddling with a screen that seemed to have popped up out of nowhere.
‘You okay?’ he paused to ask.
‘Yeah. Are we taking off yet?’ She held her eye mask tightly in her hands.
‘No. About twenty minutes.’
It surprised Anna how much waiting around was involved. ‘It’s like airlines want to give you maximum opportunity to get as panicky as possible. If you checked in and went down a chute straight onto the plane it would be far better.’
He gave her a warm smile. ‘You could suggest that on your feedback form.’
Her eyes darted about agitatedly. Everyone else was either settling down to read a paper, getting out a laptop or fiddling with their screen. Nobody else was panicking.
‘Distract yourself with something. Watch a film.’ He pulled out the inflight magazine and handed it to her.
When the plane started to move she hadn’t expected it to go backwards. ‘What’s happening?’ Her voice was a squeak. ‘We’re going backwards.’ She didn’t remember this bit.
‘It’s called push back. We are up against the terminal building so they have to reverse away. We’ll soon be going in the right direction.’
Or straight to hell, was all she could think. And she closed her eyes and tried to stem the panic. It didn’t feel like the medication was kicking in yet. A loud noise engulfed the aircraft and Anna let out a shriek. Hudson’s warm hand enveloped her own. She opened her eyes and then quickly closed them. She couldn’t speak. Her shoulders were so high they were almost touching her ears. The noise increased and the plane started to speed forward.
‘It’s okay,’ said Hudson. His voice soothing and in total contrast to the unholy racket the plane was making. His thumb tenderly stroked across her knuckles and she fleetingly thought how nice that might be if she weren’t having a panic attack.
‘Is this normal?’ she managed to squeak out.
‘Completely normal. And here we go.’
‘Argh!’ Anna couldn’t halt the small scream that burst from her when the front of the plane came up. Her heart was racing. Her eyes were tight shut. She could feel sweat sticking her hair to the back of her neck. She gasped in some air.
‘Here, sip some water,’ said Hudson, prising her fingers from the arm of the seat and giving her a cup. She opened one eye and took it from him. ‘You did it. You’re flying. Well done.’ He pretend chinked his paper cup against hers.
She glanced over to the nearest window and nearly vomited as the plane banked, dipped down one side and clouds whizzed past to reveal green fields a very long way below. Hudson took back the cup of water.
‘This was a very bad idea.’ Anna resumed clutching the seat.
‘Here’s what we’re going to do,’ came Hudson’s dulcet tones. ‘You are going to keep your eyes closed. Not scrunched up like used teabags,’ he said. His voice was low and methodical and almost a whisper, making her concentrate to hear him. ‘Okay?’
She nodded her reply.
She felt him lift the armrest between them and move his body closer. He was now leaning against her shoulder. He spoke softly into her ear. ‘You are doing great, Anna. I need you to concentrate on your breathing. We need to slow it down. Deep breath in …’ He paused. ‘And slowly exhale. That’s awesome.’ They did this a few times and she could feel her pulse returning to the right side of normal. ‘Now, let’s let the tension out of those shoulders. Imagine they’re a Lilo and someone is letting the air out. Let those shoulders drop down. That’s great.’ She could