Tears welled up in Mary Louise’s eyes. A part of her wanted to go along with him, if only to make his life easier. Heck, it would make her life easier, too. She wasn’t holding out because of stubbornness, either, though she knew that’s what Danny thought. How could they give up their baby and ever have any chance at a future? Every baby that might come later would be a bittersweet reminder of the one they’d given up. Sooner or later that loss would eat away at them. The way she saw it, giving up this baby would be a sure way to end things between them forever.
“Do you love me, Danny?” she asked, her heart in her throat.
He took his eyes off the road and glanced at her. “You know I do,” he said with unmistakable sincerity.
“Then how can you not love our baby?”
He didn’t answer for the longest time, but when he did, he said, “Because it’s not real to me, I guess. And I’m scared, Mary Louise. Really scared.”
“Of the baby ruining your life?”
“There’s some of that,” he admitted. “And I know it’s selfish, but there’s more, too. I’m afraid it will come between us, that I’ll resent you, just the way Reverend Webb said, and even worse that I’ll resent the baby and won’t be able to love it the way a baby deserves to be loved.”
He gave her a sad smile. “I used to think about what it would be like when we finally had our first baby. I could imagine holding that little guy or girl in my arms, teaching it stuff, reading stories. Now all I can think about is how exhausting it would be to cope with middle-of-the-night feedings and all the crying and stuff when I’ve got exams coming up and studying to do.”
Maybe because Amanda had helped open her heart to it, Mary Louise heard the depth of his emotional struggle in his voice. In that instant she knew that she really did have to consider Danny’s point of view and not just her own blind optimism that everything would be fine.
“Will you take me home?” she said, her voice tight.
“Don’t be mad at me, Mary Louise,” he begged. “I’m just trying to be honest.”
“I know, and I’m not mad, really I’m not,” she said sadly. “That’s why I want to go home. I need to think about what you said before we meet with Reverend Webb again on Sunday.”
“Do you want to get together tomorrow and talk some more?” Danny asked.
She shook her head. “No, you’ve given me some more to think about and I need to wrestle with it on my own. I’ll call you if I change my mind. Otherwise I’ll see you when you pick me up for church on Sunday.” She lifted her gaze to his. “Have you talked to your folks at all?”
He shook his head. “Not yet. You?”
“No.”
“Do you think we should tell them before Sunday?” he asked. “If Reverend Webb wants to see them, too, we should probably give them time to absorb all this.”
“I want this to be our decision,” Mary Louise argued. “You know they’ll get all weird, and the next thing we know, they’ll be making all the decisions.”
“I suppose you’re right,” he admitted. “But it’s not really fair for them to be blindsided.”
“Maybe we can just meet with Reverend Webb and decide what we’re going to do, then go tell them together,” she suggested. “First yours, then mine.”
“Why mine first?” he asked.
“Because mine might kill us,” she said, only partially in jest. “Or you, anyway.”
Danny pulled the car to a stop in front of her house and cut the engine, then rested his head on the steering wheel. Mary Louise sat beside him, fighting tears. When Danny finally turned toward her, his eyes were damp, as well.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I wish I were as excited about this as you are.”
“I wish you were, too,” she said, reaching for him. “But we’re going to figure this out, Danny. I know we will. And when we do, it will be what’s best for all of us.”
Amanda was pretty sure a person could go straight to hell for having the kind of thoughts she was having on Saturday afternoon as she watched Caleb struggle to wrestle the armoire she’d bought at a flea market into her new bedroom. What kind of joke had God been playing when he’d created a minister with broad shoulders and rock-solid abs that belonged on the cover of a fitness magazine?
She’d noticed the man’s muscles far more than she should have during the months they’d worked side by side to build her new home. He had a very dangerous habit of stripping off his shirt when the sultry Charleston temperatures climbed. She wasn’t the only woman working on the house whose mouth had gaped at the vision of male perfection he’d presented. Add in Maggie’s taunting remarks just the other day, and Amanda’s imagination had traveled in a very steamy and unsuitable direction. Just last night she’d had a dream about him—about the two of them—that had left her lying awake, restless and hot.
Amanda figured it was ironic that she felt such stirrings of desire only when she was around the most inappropriate man in all of Charleston. Then, again, maybe this was God’s way of showing her she wasn’t dead, after all, without putting her heart at risk in the process. Being attracted to Caleb was safe, thanks to his profession. He certainly wouldn’t be trying to tempt her into some casual liaison, that was for sure, and a fling was all she could imagine for herself for the foreseeable future.
And when it came down to it, she was the last woman on earth any minister would want. She didn’t really believe in God, at least not a benevolent one, mostly because of the way she’d been brought up. Her father’s bitterness over her mother’s death had instilled the impression that only an uncaring God could have allowed such a thing to happen. Even as she’d grown up and started thinking for herself, Amanda couldn’t disagree. As much as she’d loved her father, she’d missed having a mother. She’d felt cheated out of something important. With no one else she could think of to blame, she’d pointed her anger toward God and kept her distance.
Despite her apathy, Bobby had insisted they make at least perfunctory appearances at church for the sake of the children. She’d gone along with it, using the quiet time to reflect on things. The hymns had been lovely, a few of the prayers meaningful, but she’d made little attempt to absorb the messages in the sermons.
Ministers had come and gone, and she’d paid scant attention—until she’d had to make arrangements for Bobby’s funeral. That was when she’d seen the compassion in Caleb’s eyes and felt a much-needed steadiness in him that had gotten her through those first awful months when everything in her life had unraveled.
It had been his idea that the church come together to build this house for her. And, remarkably, as the weeks had passed and she’d seen her home taking shape, her life had come together, as well. She’d felt stronger, more capable of facing an uncertain future.
And when they’d handed her the keys on that last day, she’d looked around into the faces of her new friends and felt whole again. Despite all the adversities she’d faced, her life truly was blessed. She’d looked across the room and met Caleb’s gaze and knew that he’d understood all along how desperately she needed what she’d found in this house and the building of it. She’d reclaimed her self-respect.
“Thank you,” she’d mouthed.
To her utter shock, he’d winked. That tiny, flirtatious wink had rattled her so badly she’d turned and fled. For months she had tucked Caleb into a nice, safe niche in her life. After the turmoil of living with Bobby and the chaos after his death, Caleb epitomized a quiet serenity she craved. That wink, however, had suggested there was another side to him, a human and very male side she