“Relax. I’m seeing Dr. Godden.”
Satisfied, he gave a quick nod. “Joanne’s good.”
“And—” a corner of her mouth rose “—you should know by now that nothing could ever keep me from eating.”
She managed to surprise a smile from him. “I remember. But nausea often accompanies the first few months of pregnancy. It’d be better if you could get through it on your own, but there are medications available if you can’t.”
“No nausea. I’ve gained two pounds already.”
He frowned, crossed to sit next to her. “That’s not enough.”
“Dr. Godden isn’t concerned. You shouldn’t be either.” She hesitated then, before adding briskly, “I mean that, too. I don’t want you to worry about anything. Neither of us planned on this, but I’m going to keep the baby and raise it. I thought it would be easiest all around if I gave it my last name. You can be involved to whatever degree is comfortable for you, or not at all, if that’s what you want. The decision is yours.” The last few sentences came out in a rush, as if she’d practiced them long and hard and wanted them uttered before she lost her nerve.
She rose then, and turned toward the door. “I know this is a lot to lay on you all at once as soon as you returned, so feel free to take your time thinking about it. You can let me know whatever you decide.”
There was a little flare of anger directly beneath his heart. As a dismissal, it wasn’t particularly subtle. Reaching for her hand, he tugged on it. She bounced down on the couch again, and he kept her there, not releasing his grip. He waited for her to look at him before saying, “A tidy little speech, Cass, designed to let me off the hook. But you’re overlooking one thing—this baby is mine, too.” Saying the words out loud somehow made them feel more real. “And I’d never walk away. I intend to be fully involved.” Abandonment came easily to some men. Certainly his father had never looked back when he’d left over twenty years ago. There was no way Shane would ever do that to his own child. And the fact that Cassie had thought he might hurt more than it should.
“I…” Her gaze went to their hands. “All right, then. I just wanted you to know you had a choice.”
He smiled humorlessly. “No. I don’t.” He didn’t expect her to know that, or to understand it. Emotional scars could last far longer than physical ones. Every experience, especially the painful ones, left indelible marks on a person’s character. And it wasn’t in Shane’s to walk away from his responsibility, to let his child grow up without a father in its life. He hadn’t changed that much.
“Okay, then.” She tried for a smile, didn’t quite manage to pull it off. When she attempted to slip her fingers from his grasp, he didn’t let her. Wetting her lips, she faced him squarely. “I know this is complicated, but it doesn’t have to be. I’d never deny you access to the child, and if you stay in the area, there’s no reason we can’t share custody. I’d have some concerns with visitation, of course, if you decide to practice elsewhere, say out-of-state, at least until the child is older. But if—”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Thirty minutes earlier he’d never have imagined uttering that sentence. He’d come back to Greenlaurel not knowing anymore who he was or where he belonged. But he had a piece of that answer now, from a most unexpected direction. He belonged with his child.
She tugged at her fingers again. “If you’d let me go, I’ll get the ultrasound picture to show you.”
He released her and she left the room, returning in a minute to hand him the picture. He’d seen many of them, of course. As a resident, he’d done a stint in the OB-GYN unit at Boston General.
So he was unprepared for the tide of emotion that ambushed him then, filling his chest and straining his heart. It shoved aside the clinical, scientific detachment he’d always examined these pictures with before. He stared at the white lines on the picture, detailing the tiny perfect form. Unconsciously he traced them with his forefinger. The baby had one small fist to its mouth, as if already searching for the contentment supplied by a miniature thumb. The date was stamped across the top, almost a month ago, with Cassie’s name next to it.
“Shane?” Cassie’s voice held a question. Only then did he realize how long he’d spent staring at the picture. “You can keep that if you want. I have another.” When he didn’t answer, couldn’t, her voice grew uncertain. “Unless you’ve… Have you changed your mind?”
“No.” Because his throat seemed full, he cleared it. “I haven’t changed my mind.” The curtain of numbness that had shrouded his emotions for long months had begun shredding the moment he’d seen her letter, had rented when she’d opened the door and he’d seen her once again.
His defenses had crumbled when he’d taken one look at the tiny form in the picture and fully realized what it meant. His child.
He took one last glance at the picture before forcing himself to tuck it into his shirt pocket. “Did they tell you the sex?” Although the determination could be tricky at this early date, he had a good idea.
“I didn’t ask.”
He nodded, but his mind was already grappling with a host of other questions. Suddenly a decision that had seemed so easy only minutes ago became fraught with complication, although their situation was hardly an uncommon one. Children grew up all the time with split families.
He’d just never considered it for his child.
Dodging the bleakness that accompanied that thought, he said with more certainty than he was feeling, “We’ll work it out. When’s your due date?”
“April fourth.”
“You should be cutting way back on your work around here.” Concern flickered when he saw the mutinous look on her face. “Cass, you’ll have to take things easy, especially this winter.”
“Dr. Godden says I can continue doing what I’m doing as long as I feel up to it.”
He opened his mouth to argue, then closed it again. Of course, that was standard medical advice for a woman with a low-risk pregnancy. But this was different. This was Cass. And the baby in question was his. It was oddly disconcerting to discover how easily science could be set aside when emotion was involved. He made a mental note to talk privately to Hawk about curtailing Cassie’s activities around the ranch. Despite her slight stature, she worked as hard as any hand on the place. Common sense demanded that she exercise some restraint during the course of the pregnancy.
A sudden thought struck him. “Were you uncertain about the due date originally?”
He noticed the caution creeping into her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Well, they usually don’t order an ultrasound in the first trimester unless there’s a reason for it. And you said your health is fine, so…”
“Yes, it was for the due date.” It may have been his imagination but her response seemed rushed. “Like I told you, the baby is fine.”
The phone rang then, and Cassie rose, not without a feeling of relief. She’d like to delay any discussion of the tests she’d undergone, and the reason for them, for as long as possible. Shane was very much a man of science. A discussion of her symptoms would only worry him, and he wouldn’t put a lot of stock into the recipe for the tea Hawk had found for her.
As the phone sounded again, she quickened her step. Wild horses couldn’t convince her to tell him about the brief flashes into the immediate future she’d been experiencing. She’d learned too late that he wasn’t a man to accept anything that couldn’t be proved and witnessed with his own eyes.
A moment after answering the phone she heard her brother’s voice on the line and a delighted smile broke