But no. He couldn’t simply take her and be done with it. He’d had to do it his way. He’d thought himself the smooth one, the one who understood the twenty-first century woman so well.
And now what? Now that her eyes told him so clearly, so regretfully, that she would never marry him. How in the name of all the nine worlds would he bring himself to carry her off and imprison her at Balmarran? Now that he loved her. Now that her happiness and high regard meant everything to him, more, even, than the right of his child to be born legitimate.
‘‘By Odin’s one eye, just say it,’’ he demanded low. ‘‘Just tell me. Once and for all. Will you marry me?’’
‘‘Oh, Finn. You know I can’t. I…I have things I…what I mean is, I just don’t think…’’
Before she could finish stuttering out her refusal, he turned and left her there.
‘‘Finn!’’ Liv jumped up to follow as he disappeared into the other room. She took one step and faltered. The wand that proved she was pregnant was still in her hand. She looked down at it, shook her head and dropped to the edge of the tub once more.
Finn had been right. She had never really believed.
Until now.
In the other room, she could hear him moving around. She didn’t understand his strange, abrupt reaction. It was so unlike him. Of the two of them, he was always the reasonable, levelheaded one. He took everything in stride, with a wink and smile and a clever remark.
She ought to get in there and talk to him, find out what was going on with him, but right at that moment, she was in no condition to find out anything. Right at that moment, she was, quite simply, reeling.
A baby…
It didn’t seem possible. It wasn’t…in the plan.
Liv wasn’t the one who was going to have the babies. Not for years and years yet. Elli was the one who’d have all the kids. In any case, Elli was supposed to have three or four of them before Liv got around to deciding if, just maybe, she dared to add a baby to all the other heavy responsibilities that would come with her powerhouse career.
A baby came under the heading: Hope so. Eventually.
After I’m established…
If I find the right husband, a nice, settled-down type of guy, a guy willing to change diapers and get up close and personal with the downside of parenthood: things like colic and late-night feedings, ferrying them around as they got older, taking them to the pediatrician and the orthodontist, checking into the best schools, monitoring their homework, making sure they ate right…
God. The list went on and on.
True, she’d been telling herself for two weeks that she might be pregnant. That maybe it was something she’d have to come to grips with soon.
But might and maybe were worlds away from the two solid blue lines in the little white wand.
It was real. It was going to happen. She was having a baby.
She tossed the wand into the trash and then sat there some more, hunched on the tub’s edge, staring at the bath mat beneath her bare feet.
The sound of the door shutting downstairs brought her up straight.
Finn must have left.
She sighed and let her shoulders droop again. In a while, later today, she’d give him a call. Ask him to come back over. They’d talk about it, about…
Well, she wasn’t sure exactly what yet. She was on overwhelm right at the moment.
She got up and went back to the bedroom. She climbed into the bed and pulled the sheet over herself and told herself she’d feel better about everything in a little while.
The ringing of the phone woke her. She almost let her service get it, but then realized it might be Finn.
She fumbled on the nightstand and brought it to her ear. ‘‘Yeah? Hello.’’
‘‘Liv, are you sleeping?’’ It was Ingrid, in a thoroughly accusatory mood. ‘‘You sound like you’re sleeping.’’
Liv scrambled to a sitting position and raked her hair back out of her eyes. ‘‘Mother, what’s the—’’
‘‘Finn has gone back to Gullandria. He simply packed his bags and left.’’
Chapter Twelve
‘‘I don’t understand it,’’ Ingrid cried. ‘‘Did you have a fight, is that it?’’
Liv was having a little trouble absorbing this. ‘‘Mom. Wait. Tell me what happened. What did he say?’’
‘‘I really thought the two of you were getting along so well. I thought—’’
‘‘We were. We are.’’
‘‘Well then, what went wrong?’’
‘‘Look. Will you please just tell me what happened?’’
‘‘Well, he came in. He went upstairs. About twenty minute later, he came through the kitchen loaded down with all his bags. He thanked me for my hospitality. He said it was time he went back where he belonged.’’
Liv just didn’t get it. It all seemed unreal, the way he’d walked out on her earlier. And now this, taking off for Gullandria without even saying goodbye to her.
Ingrid continued. ‘‘I followed him out to his car, under the pretext of seeing him off. I asked if there was a problem, something wrong between the two of you….’’
Liv gulped. ‘‘And?’’
‘‘He told me not to worry. That everything was fine. And then he thanked me again and said he had to leave.’’ Ingrid made a small sound of distress. ‘‘Darling, please. You can tell me. Did you have a fight?’’
‘‘No. We didn’t. Honestly.’’
‘‘But then what could be wrong?’’
Liv didn’t know. And if her mother kept grilling her, she was going to scream. ‘‘Mom. I can’t…talk about it right now. I have to go.’’
‘‘Are you all right?’’
‘‘Fine. Really. I just have to go.’’
After another volley of frantic protests and pleading questions, Ingrid finally gave up and said goodbye.
Liv turned off the phone and yanked the sheet over her head. She’d go to sleep. She’d sleep all day and right through into the next night. As long as she was sleeping, she wouldn’t have to think about what the heck she ought to do next.
But sleep played its usual tricks. Naturally, since she longed for it so much, it refused to come.
After an hour or so of staring at the underside of the sheet, she got up and made breakfast. She sat at the table in the kitchen alone and wished Finn was there. She missed him already. She also wanted a chance to yell at him for walking out on her like this.
And wasn’t that just like a player? The going gets tough and the player gets lost.
Maybe she should have given him a real reason to run. When he asked her to marry him that last time, in the bathroom this morning, she should have looked him square in the eye and said yes.
But of course, she couldn’t.
A marriage between them was never going