She felt a pain in her chest that had nothing to do with physical ailments and everything to do with a breaking heart.
One by one, the women left the kitchen to carry the trays into the dining room, and Olivia welcomed the privacy. She couldn’t recall ever holding such a small baby before, and her curiosity was extreme. She carefully pushed the blanket back from the baby’s head, then rubbed her cheek against his crown. So soft, she thought, wondering at the silky cap of hair. And the scents. Never had she smelled anything so sweet, so touching, as a baby. She wanted to breathe his scent all day. She had her nose close to him, gently nuzzling him, when Tony walked in.
“What are you doing?”
Olivia jerked at the alarm in his tone. She didn’t have time to answer him, though, not that she would have told him she was smelling the baby. Lisa came back in then and thanked her. “I’ll put him in his crib now that the other kids are all sitting down to eat. I worry when they’re all running around that they’ll wake him up. You know how kids are.”
Olivia didn’t know, but she could see Tony hadn’t liked her holding the baby. Lisa left the room, and Tony whispered, “Do you think it’s a good idea for you to do that?”
Olivia knew exactly what he meant. He was concerned she’d start wanting a baby herself if she held one. She could have told him it was too late for that worry, that it didn’t matter. She could want forever and never get what she wished. At least, she couldn’t get a baby. Now passion, it seemed Tony was ready to give her that in huge doses. What she’d felt during the ride and in his garage…It was almost everything she’d ever wanted with a man. Everything but the real emotion. Everything but love.
It angered her that he was pushing her and worrying about something that would never be, but she held in her words of resentment and instead, she shrugged. “Would you have rather I’d refused? What excuse would I give?”
He tunneled his fingers through his hair, then looked toward the dining room. “Come on. They’re waiting for me to eat.”
“This is going to be impossible, isn’t it, Tony?”
“No. Everything’s fine.”
He didn’t sound at all convincing, and Olivia had to wonder if John or Kate had already been teasing him. When they entered the dining room, Olivia looked around. She hadn’t had the chance to actually see the inside of Tony’s house, but now that she could look, she wasn’t at all surprised. Everything, every dish, every piece of furniture, the wallpaper, all showed excellent taste, but without the blatant stamp of wealth. Tony never flaunted his financial success, and other than the size of the sprawling house, it showed only a sense of comfort and functional ease.
The house was very open. Each room seemed to flow into the next, and there were windows everywhere. The furniture was all highly polished mahogany. As little Maggie, who Olivia guessed to be around three, walked to her seat with one hand on the buffet, she left small smudge marks in her wake. Tony only scooped her up and tossed her in the air. The little girl giggled, wrapped her pudgy arms around Tony’s neck and planted a very wet kiss on the side of his nose. He pretended to chew on her belly, then sat her in her booster seat and took his own chair next to Olivia. The rest of the children yelled for his attention.
The pain in her chest intensified.
She so desperately wanted this one sumptuous, sensuous affair. The whole purpose was to help her fill a void, because her life was destined to be a lonely one, without children and without a man who loved her. But she was getting more than she bargained for. She hadn’t wanted to be shown all she was missing, to find more voids, to have firsthand knowledge of what could never be hers.
As she watched Tony laugh and play with the children, she knew it was too late for her. Perhaps this would yet turn out to be the wild fling she’d anticipated, but it would also leave her lonelier than ever before.
Dinner was a wonderful, riotous affair with children laughing, grown-ups talking and food being continuously resupplied. The kids quickly realized Olivia was a new face and, therefore, easy to entertain. Despite her growing melancholy, she laughed at their antics, listened to their stories, and when one child came over and tugged on her skirt, she didn’t even flinch over the stain left behind. The child wanted to be lifted, and Olivia obliged. But the small hand was still holding her skirt, and when the child went up, so did her hem.
She hurried to right herself, pushing her skirt back down. But it was obvious everyone had seen the top of her stocking and the paler strip of flesh on her upper thigh. John grinned, Lisa gave him a playful smack to keep him from speaking, and Sue quickly began talking about Christmas shopping.
Olivia glanced at Tony and saw he had his eyes closed, looking close to prayer. Despite his brother’s chuckles, it took him a few moments to collect his control. And then he sent Olivia a smile that made promises and threats at the same time.
After that, Tony did his best to deflect the kids from her. Olivia understood his reasoning, but no one else did. And all in all, everyone accepted her. They attempted to make her a part of their family, and for the short while it could last, Olivia loved it. Every few minutes, someone stood to check on the sleeping infant, whose crib they could see in the family room through the archway. The men took more turns than the women did, and Olivia saw that Tony, more than anyone, was interested in peeking in on the little one.
Olivia was being smothered by the sense of familial camaraderie. As welcoming as they all were, she felt like an interloper. And when she spied the pile of gaily wrapped birthday presents in the corner, she knew she couldn’t stay.
She excused herself, asking directions to the powder room, then quickly located a phone. It happened to be in Tony’s bedroom, or so she assumed judging from the open closet door and the lingering scent of his cologne…and his body. Again, she found herself breathing deeply, then shook her head and forced her mind to clear. She perched on the side of the bed to call for a cab.
She was still sitting there minutes later when Tony found her.
CHAPTER FOUR
TONY SLIPPED INTO THE room and quietly closed the door. Olivia looked up and their gazes touched, hers wide, his narrowed. He crossed his arms over his chest and kept his voice very low. “Hiding?”
“What do you think?”
“No. I don’t think you’d hide. So what are you doing?”
Olivia came to her feet, feeling like a fool, like a sneaky fool. But she refused to be intimidated. “I called a cab. I think it’s past time I went home.”
Tony didn’t say anything at first, just leaned back against the door. Then he closed his eyes and groaned. “You’re going to make me wait another day, aren’t you, Olivia?”
Her heartbeat jumped at the husky way he said that, and at the restrained hunger she heard in his tone. “This…this isn’t the right time, Tony. You know that. Right now, I feel equal parts ridiculous and embarrassed.”
His gaze pinned her, hot and intent. “I could make you forget your hesitation real fast, honey.”
I’ll just bet you could. It wasn’t easy, but Olivia shook her head. “If I leave now, they might not suspect anything—”
“Olivia, they saw me kissing your breast. I think they’re already a bit suspicious.”
She felt the blood pound in her veins, but kept her gaze steady. “You weren’t kissing my breast.”
“I wanted to be.”
Olivia curled her hands into fists and tried to calm her breathing. “They might decide that was just a temporary loss of control if I leave now. If I stay until they’re all gone, they’ll assume we’re spending the night together, and that’s