“A bunch of kids were joyriding and broadsided her car. The driver was underage and shouldn’t even have been behind the wheel.” As it always did, anger flared toward the teen. “He claimed it wasn’t his fault, but it was.” Wyatt stared at his hands, guilt welling inside. “It was also my fault.”
Irritated that he hadn’t yet found relief from the guilt of that awful day, Wyatt rose and loaded the dishwasher. He was fully aware that Ellie was watching every move with her all-seeing eyes, waiting. There was nothing else to do but explain. He poured two cups of tea and passed one to her.
“Taryn was out that night because of me. She should have been here, at home, with Cade. Instead she was running my errands.” He stopped to clear the rasp from his throat. “My son will spend every Christmas without his mother because I didn’t keep my promise.” He didn’t want to talk about the past anymore, so he turned the tables. “Why did you say Gracie has her mother’s eyes?”
“Because she does.” Ellie sipped her tea nonchalantly. She must have realized he didn’t understand, because she suddenly set the cup down and smiled. “Sorry. I forget sometimes that people don’t know our history. Biologically Gracie is my niece. My sister, Karen, was her mother. She died after Gracie was born and I adopted her a bit later.”
So Ellie, too, carried pain. Wyatt sat down on a stool to listen, curious about the arrangement.
“Karen was married to Kurt. She was four months pregnant when he was killed in an accident at work. Kurt was in construction. He was on the job site one day trying to secure everything in a windstorm when a structure collapsed and killed him.” Ellie sighed, her eyes tear-filled. “It was so hard for Karen to go on, but the pregnancy gave her courage. Then one day she phoned me in Chicago. She’d just found out she had brain cancer, and she’d decided to refuse all treatment in order to keep Gracie safe. I flew down to be with her. She died three months after Gracie’s birth.”
“Ellie, I’m so sorry.” Wyatt reached out to touch her hand where it lay on the counter.
“So am I.” Ellie glanced at his hand, then eased hers away. “Karen would have made an amazing mother. I’m just her stand-in. I promised her I’d do my best to be Gracie’s mom but—” She shook her head as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I think I’m failing.”
“How can you say that?” Uncomfortable with her tears but hearing the worry in her tone, he tried to reassure her. “Gracie’s a great kid. I think you’ve done amazingly well with her.”
“Then why isn’t it enough? Why does she keep searching for a father?” Ellie asked, her voice breaking. “I love her so much. I’ve tried to give her everything she needs, but I can’t give her a father!” She dashed away her tears, the gray irises darkening to slate. “There is no man in my life.”
“Because?”
“Because that’s the way it has to be.” Ellie’s cheeks bore dots of hot pink. “I was engaged, but that ended and I realized that God doesn’t want me to have a romantic relationship. He wants me to focus on being Gracie’s mom.”
“Maybe it was the breakup with your fiancé that triggered Gracie’s sudden interest in finding a daddy?” Wyatt privately thought her ex-fiancé must be an idiot to have let this woman go. “Maybe her hopes were dashed because she thought she was going to have a father like the other kids, and then she didn’t get him.”
“I don’t think that’s it,” Ellie said slowly. “Because looking back, I realize Gracie never called Eddie Daddy. She always called him by name. When I explained we weren’t getting married, she seemed okay with it. And she hasn’t seemed upset about it since then. She was very excited about starting school. That’s all she talked about.”
“Well, maybe Eddie gave Gracie a sense of, I don’t know, security? Maybe his male perspective is something she needs?” he said. “Is there someone else in your life who could take his place as a father figure?”
“But that’s what I’m saying. Eddie wasn’t a father figure in Gracie’s world,” Ellie protested.
“Maybe he was, and you didn’t realize it.” But even as he said it Wyatt found it hard to believe that Ellie could have missed something so important to her daughter. He’d seen just how caring and protective of Gracie she was. “Maybe there’s someone you could ask to act as a male role model for her?”
“No.” Ellie’s voice was firm and unhesitating. “Tanner and Pastor Jeff are the only influential males in her life right now, and their lives are full with their own kids.”
“Well, I’m no psychologist but...” Wyatt felt uncomfortable giving advice, but clearly Ellie wanted his opinion, and after all she’d done for him tonight, he could hardly throw up his hands and give up. “My guess is Gracie wants a closer bond with a man. Why? Maybe to show him off to her new school friends, maybe to have him take an interest in her that others haven’t, or maybe she wants someone special that she can confide in.”
“Why can’t she confide in me?” Ellie said with a belligerent glare. “I am her mother.”
“Did you tell your mother everything? Weren’t there some times when you wanted to share with someone else?” In his own life Wyatt had never shared his hopes and dreams with his father. He’d often wished he could, but knowing he’d be mocked had kept him silent.
“What does a little girl of five have to confide?” she asked.
“I have no clue.” Wyatt felt like he was digging his way out of a quagmire. “But maybe Gracie thinks you wouldn’t understand or that you’d try to dissuade her if she bared her heart. Or maybe she just needs perspective from another person.”
“Which means I’m not enough.” She looked so desolate that Wyatt hurried to reassure her.
“It doesn’t mean that at all. It just means that she’s growing up, expanding her world.” He was speaking off the cuff, praying he said the right thing, because he had no clue how little girls’ minds worked. “I don’t think this is about you, Ellie. It’s about her.”
“But what do I do? She prays every night for God to give her a daddy. And now that she’s met Cade, she’s added a brother to her Christmas list.” Ellie threw up her hands. “I can’t make her understand,” she wailed. “Sophie keeps telling me to pray about it and I am, but I’m not getting an answer and I need one because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“‘If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God.’” Wyatt shrugged. “I read that this morning. I guess you have to keep on God’s case, asking Him to show you how to proceed.”
“I guess.” Ellie sighed. “Gracie’s going to be heartbroken when a daddy doesn’t appear at Christmas.”
“Maybe I could talk to her a little, sound her out on what’s behind her request.” Wait a minute! What was he doing? He didn’t want to get involved.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Wyatt, though I thank you.” Ellie nibbled on her lower lip. “Gracie’s already fixated on you as the daddy of her dreams. Maybe you’d only make it worse, make her believe you really are moving into her life.”
“I’d make sure she understands that I’m her friend, but I can’t be her daddy.” Wyatt had a lot more to say on the subject, including a warning to Ellie not to get the wrong impression about his offer. But he couldn’t say it because the phone rang. “It’s after hours. Let the machine pick up,” he said when Ellie glanced from the phone to him.
“Wyatt, this is Jim Harder at the Triple T. I’ve been trying to reach you for days. You promised you’d do those inoculations this week, and I’m still waiting. I can’t run a ranch like this. Call me