“Polly, there’s something you should know about Callie and me.”
“What’s that?” She turned to look at him, and when he glanced her way he couldn’t tell if what he was about to say would hurt her or put a strain on their relationship. He didn’t want to do either one, but she deserved the truth, at least as much as she needed to know.
He relaxed his tense shoulders. “Callie and I were dating before Sarah and I got together.”
Polly didn’t respond for what seemed like forever. His stomach lurched as he waited for her response. He tried to concentrate on his driving along the unfamiliar route, hoping Polly would say something to break the horrible silence.
“Did you love Callie?”
He’d had a passion for Callie, a passion that almost consumed him. He couldn’t seem to get enough of her, and felt his absolute best when he was in her arms. She made him feel as though he could do anything, conquer anything and be anything he put his mind to.
But had he loved her?
He couldn’t have, or when Callie told him what she saw for their future, he wouldn’t have run to Sarah. All he’d wanted was some sound advice from Callie’s best friend. He never expected it to go any further than that, and when it did, he just let it happen.
Joel hadn’t been capable of loving anyone back then, and even now, love still seemed elusive. Oh, sure, he loved Emma, probably more in the last six months than ever before in her life, but true romantic love, the kind that Polly still felt for her late husband, Daniel... He didn’t know if he could ever feel that sort of deep, powerful love for anyone.
“I couldn’t love anybody back then, not even myself.”
“But you dated her.”
“Yes, for almost two years.”
“Did you love Sarah?”
The road before him seemed endless, as if it could go on into infinity. As if he knew he couldn’t get out of the car until he told Polly the truth.
“She was the mother of my child.”
He kept his eyes on the road, a tight grip on the wheel, looking for his turnoff...hoping for his turnoff.
“You didn’t answer my question. And believe me, Joel, I won’t be offended by your answer as long as you tell me the truth. I don’t abide liars of any kind...at least not on the big stuff. Did you love Sarah?”
He took in a sharp snap of air. “I did not.”
“Ever?”
“No.”
“Did she love you?”
“If she did, she never showed it or told me.”
“Then why did you marry her?”
“She was pregnant with my child.”
“But why did you marry her?”
“I just couldn’t run away. Not from that. If she was going to have the baby, I would always be his or her dad.”
“Still, you could have walked. Paid child support and visited on holidays.”
He couldn’t do that, even back then he couldn’t abandon his unborn child and provide Sarah with a reason to consider giving up the baby. Not that he’d spend a lot of time thinking about it; he’d merely reacted to the situation in the only way he knew how. But now that he was forced to rehash it with Polly, he realized it was the one moment in his life that he was proud of.
“It was the right thing to do,” he said, knowing perfectly well he’d never been all-in either as a husband or a father. Sure, he married Sarah but he never took up the responsibility reins...until now.
Polly turned back to face the road and he caught her glistening eyes that gave away her true feelings. He could only hope she didn’t hate him.
“That’s our turnoff up ahead,” she said, her voice steady and strong. “It’s easy to miss at night, but look for the dogwood tree that Daniel planted when we were first married and you’ll always find your way back home.”
“Thanks,” he told her, knowing full well he was thanking her not for the directions but for accepting his answer.
The next morning, Joel went right to work on his extensive to-do list.
First order of business was to pick up materials at the local building supply store in town. Polly had given him a list of repairs that needed to be done, in the order of their urgency. Her ranch of seventy-five acres of mostly brush with a view of the Rocky Mountains contained two good-sized pastures where a fork of the Snake River meandered through. Fortunately, the pastures had been perfectly maintained by Wade Porter, who still leased the land, so Polly didn’t have to add any kind of upkeep to her long list. Joel had to admit that Wade sure knew his way around ranching, a skill Joel hoped to emulate in the next few months.
The ranch also had one main pipe corral that was divided into several smaller areas, two outbuildings, one stable that could house ten horses, the main ranch house, one oversize barn located about fifty feet from the main house, and miles of fencing that required considerable fixing.
The buildings needed everything from a new coat of paint to replacing the electric wiring. Joel thought he could handle everything physical, but anything electric would have to be hired out. He had no intention of electrocuting himself while trying to replace a blown fuse. He knew his limits...at least he’d convinced himself that he did.
Now that summer was winding down, the main ranch house took the highest priority on the list, especially the roof. Several of the tiles had either blown off or were too decayed to save. Polly was sure the house wouldn’t make it through another rainstorm without leaking, so Joel had taken it upon himself to climb up there and assess the damage. Not that he knew what he was looking for, but he assured himself that he would learn.
Polly had tried to hire a professional team to fix the roof or at the very least, Wade Porter, the resident jack-of-all-trades. Along with maintaining the pastures, he had kept the buildings from falling into complete ruin. Unfortunately, any major work had been put off into the distant future when Polly could make more money.
She never did.
Now the distant future had arrived and Joel had taken up the challenge.
Even though he’d added his nest egg to the pot, money was still tight until they could get more horses to board and buy a few head of cattle to raise. In the meantime, Joel decided to tackle as many projects as he could on his own. He’d spent the last three evenings watching home repair videos on YouTube, taking notes and practicing his nail-pounding skills on a board out in the barn. He was certain he had this roof repair project under control. He’d already fixed the clogged sinks in each of the bathrooms, rehung a couple doors and replaced a few loose floorboards in the living room...all with the help of online videos. He felt certain that fixing the roof would be just as easy.
Besides, physical work would keep his mind off of Callie Grant. After being that close to her the previous night and allowing some of his old feelings for her to bubble to the surface he’d been temporarily thrown off course.
Not anymore. He’d awoken with new resolve. Physical labor would keep his emotions in check and his mind occupied with something other than the softness of Callie’s lips or the smell of her hair.
If he was going to make it in this town, Callie Grant had to once again fade from his consciousness and be relegated to his past...exactly where she belonged.
He only hoped he’d be able to avoid her during his many errands into town, which is why he’d