“Goodbye, Charles,” she said, and gripped the stroller handle harder than necessary. He moved back and she turned for the path toward her car, his words echoing in her ears.
Yes, everything had changed. Now she wondered exactly what that would mean for her.
“Why am I such an idiot?” she asked Meredith later that night. They were back in Alice’s cozy apartment, and she’d just put Flynn down for the night.
“Something about a hot guy will do that to you.” Meredith tipped her wineglass toward Alice. “Add a British accent to the mix, and it’s no wonder your ovaries went into overdrive with Charlie Boy.”
“He wants to be a father to Flynn,” Alice told her friend with a small sigh. She brought her own glass to her lips but set it on the coffee table before taking a drink. Her head had been pounding since the meeting with Charles, and she didn’t need anything to make it worse.
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Meredith asked, clearly confused.
“No...yes... I have no idea what I want,” Alice admitted. “I’m so tired, I can’t think straight.”
Meredith gave her a sympathetic smile. “The transition back to work hasn’t been an easy one.”
“I love my job, but it’s different now that I have Flynn. Everything is different.” Her maternity leave had ended just over a month ago, and she’d returned to her job with the Texas Tourism Board, which was based out of Austin. She’d worked there for just over three years, and what Alice lacked in a gregarious, outgoing personality, she made up for in attention to detail, understanding the market and her ability to assess what people wanted out of a visit. But it was more difficult for those skills to shine through when she was chronically sleep deprived and always torn between being at work or at home with her son.
She’d modified her schedule so she could work from home two days a week, and had found a semiretired nanny, a sweet older woman, to watch Flynn another two days. Alice’s mother took the baby one day a week. But Alice still got up before dawn most mornings to put in extra hours, and with Flynn’s sometimes erratic sleeping patterns, she never felt rested. Her exhaustion was starting to take a toll, and Alice often felt like she was slogging through mud just to form a coherent thought.
“Charles had a right to know he has a child,” she told Meredith, “but I never expected him to take to the idea so readily. Of course I want Flynn to know his father, but he’s my son. Mine.” Her voice caught, and she cleared her throat. “Flynn is my sole reason for being and now I’m going to have to share him. What if Charles wants partial custody? What if he takes Flynn to England for part of the year?” She knew she sounded irrational but couldn’t help it. Being a mother was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She couldn’t imagine a night when she didn’t tuck Flynn in bed or a morning without a baby-scented snuggle to greet her.
“What if he wants the three of you to be a family?” Meredith asked.
Alice snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. Charles has no interest in me beyond Flynn. He barely remembered who I was at first. Just another in his long list of conquests in the bedroom.” She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. “Not that I was much of a prize.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, Alice. You’re not an awkward teenager anymore. In case you haven’t looked in a mirror in the past few years, you’re gorgeous. Men stare at you everywhere we go.”
“They don’t—”
“They do, but you don’t notice.”
“I noticed Charles,” Alice admitted. “We only had one night together and it’s been over a year. I’m tired, stressed and still have ten pounds of baby weight to lose. The last thing on my mind is men. But I could barely form a sentence this morning because of my reaction to him. How am I supposed to remain calm and in control when all I want is to...”
“Jump his bones?” Meredith suggested with a wink.
Alice laughed at the old-school expression, a welcome break in the tension that seemed ready to consume her. “I’m a mother now, Mer.”
“Last time I checked, you’re still a woman.”
The funny thing was, the only time Alice had felt like a woman recently was with Charles. He made her feel alive and aware of herself in a different way than normal. In a way that made her hot and itchy and longing for...more. It had to be something biological, like pheromones. There was no other way to account for her reaction to him. “Until I know how Charles wants to proceed, I can’t let down my guard. Flynn is my first—my only—priority.”
“Then you have to at least give Charles a chance.” Meredith stood, picked up both their wineglasses. “For Flynn’s sake.”
Alice unfolded her legs and followed her friend to the kitchen, where Meredith set the glasses in the sink. “Thanks for listening. I needed a friend tonight.”
“My pleasure, sweetie.” Meredith hugged her. “I’ve got to go now. I’m meeting a few people for drinks at a bar downtown. Want to call a last-minute sitter and join us?”
Alice grimaced. “It’s nearly nine.”
“The night is young.”
“Not for me. I’m exhausted and my alarm is already set for five tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll see you at the office, then,” Meredith said.
Alice locked the door to her apartment behind her friend and sighed. Her mind drifted to Charles and what he might be doing tonight. Was he also at a bar downtown or out to dinner with a woman? He had no shortage of female companionship, and Alice knew she didn’t stand a chance when compared to the women he usually favored. Of course, she’d see him again, thanks to Flynn, but Alice hated that she longed for more. Her attraction to him made her feel weak when what she needed was to be strong for her son.
She quietly let herself into Flynn’s room. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she approached the crib. He slept on his back, his face turned toward her, and her heart swelled with love at how innocent he was. He deserved the best she could give him, which was why she worked so hard, put in extra hours and ignored her own needs. That’s what mothers did for their children.
She’d wait to hear from Charles and concentrate on ignoring her feelings for the tall, handsome Englishman. Her only identity was that of a mother, and it was better for everyone if she didn’t fool herself into thinking it could be anything else.
* * *
Charles lay in bed early the next morning, watching the windows of his hotel suite slowly brighten with dawn light. His sleep had been sporadic and fitful. He’d drift off, only to awake in a cold sweat minutes later. Wispy tendrils of panic had threatened to claim him in the dark, so many unspoken fears and regrets from his life coalescing into one important word.
Father.
Bloody hell.
What had he been thinking to tell Alice he wanted to be a part of Flynn’s life? She’d seemed more than willing to let him off the hook. Shirking responsibility was Charles’s specialty in life. He’d even made a successful career of taking the easy way out. He traveled, shook hands with dignitaries and the rich and famous. He attended parties and smiled for the cameras, and somehow that made him an asset to the British tourism industry.
His existence was so different than that of his siblings, with their businesses, philanthropic projects and seemingly endless supply of energy and work ethic. Even if the superficiality of his life had begun to chafe at his soul, it was what Charles did well. He knew he wouldn’t fail at being a man about town. The stakes were too low for him to