It was so awful. Everyone was aware of what was going on, and I felt terribly embarrassed, as if it was all somehow my fault.
‘I thought you were taking a risk coming with him,’ a voice said at my elbow. ‘Billy Ryan has a bit of a reputation …’
‘What do you mean?’ I glanced at Valerie Green. ‘Billy’s all right.’
‘He used to hang around with a rough crowd.’ She shrugged her shoulders. ‘It’s nothing to do with me, but you wouldn’t catch me going around with him.’
She walked away without giving me a chance to answer, but my attention was abruptly transferred back to the fight, which had ended as swiftly as it had begun. The owner of the dance hall had sent in his bouncers and they hauled Billy off his vanquished victim, dragging him to the door to eject him despite his protests that Sam Cotton had started the fight.
‘Come on, Kathy,’ he yelled over his shoulder. ‘We’re leaving.’
I followed hurriedly behind him, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment as I heard laughter and jeering. Now that the fight was over people were relieved and amused, but I felt hot with shame.
Billy was wiping blood from his mouth when I joined him outside the hall. He looked at me uncertainly, sensing my mood. ‘I couldn’t let him insult yer like that, Kathy.’
‘You didn’t have to start a fight. You could have simply told him to leave me alone.’
‘Swine like that needs teachin’ a lesson. I’m ’andy with me fists. That will learn ’im and a few others not to mess with my girl.’
There was a look of satisfaction in his eyes that made me angry. ‘You think you’re clever, don’t you, Billy Ryan? Well, I don’t. I hate being made a show of and that’s what you’ve done. Everyone will laugh behind my back.’
‘Yer don’t want ter worry about what folks say. ‘Sides, I weren’t ’avin’ that bleedin’ Sam Cotton bad mouthin’ my girl.’
‘I’m not your girl!’ I glared at him. ‘You don’t imagine I’d go out with you again after that?’
I started to walk away from him. I was smarting because of the insulting way Sam Cotton had behaved towards me, and also Valerie Green’s remarks about Billy. She was a year or so older and I’d known and liked her at school; it pricked my pride to know she thought me a fool for going out with him, especially as I had a sneaking suspicion she might be right.
Billy followed behind me. ‘Don’t be like this, Kathy. I’m sorry the evening was spoiled, but it wasn’t my fault. Sam Cotton is a docker. He couldn’t join up because they said he was needed on the docks – and some of us called him a coward. He hates anyone in uniform, especially me. That’s why he went after yer like that.’
‘He implied my mother was …’ I choked back a sob.
‘Don’t matter what she were,’ Billy said swiftly. ‘You ain’t like ’er, Kathy, and any man with sense knows that. Don’t be mad at me. I only did it fer you.’
I stopped walking and looked at him. ‘Was she a tart – my mother? Tell me the truth, Billy. I really need to know.’
‘I remember talk when she married your da …’ Billy frowned. ‘I were only a lad and me best mate were ill. Tom O’Rourke went away about that time and I were angry at the world because I thought he were goin’ ter die. I didn’t take much notice of anythin’ else, but I know me ma thought Ernie Cole was a fool to marry ’er. Sorry, lass. I can’t tell yer much more. Ma knows it all but whether she’d tell yer …’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I shouldn’t let it worry yer, Kathy. No one who knows yer thinks you’re like that.’
I looked at him unhappily. It wasn’t Billy’s fault that the unpleasant incident with Sam Cotton had happened. He had defended me and I supposed I ought to be grateful.
‘You shouldn’t have kept on hitting him like that, Billy. I thought you were going to kill him.’
‘I might ’ave if they ’adn’t dragged me off ’im,’ he admitted. The look in his eyes told me he wasn’t quite so proud of himself now. ‘He made me see red, Kathy. No one treats you like that when I’m around.’ He reached out and stroked my cheek with the tips of his fingers. ‘You’re special to me. Don’t you ever forget that.’
‘Oh, Billy …’ I was moved by something in his voice and manner and didn’t resist as he bent his head and gently kissed me. It was just a brief touch of his lips against mine but it made me feel odd. ‘Please don’t, Billy. Not yet. I’m not angry with you now, but I don’t know how I feel. I’m not ready to think about—’
He placed a finger to my lips. ‘’Yer don’t ’ave to say anythin’, Kathy love. I don’t want ter rush yer. It wouldn’t be fair to marry yer while this bleedin’ war’s goin’ on. Yer don’t want ter be a widow before you’re a wife.’
‘Billy!’ I went cold all over. ‘Don’t say that. Nothing is going to happen to you.’
‘Not if I can bleedin’ ’elp it!’ He grinned at me. ‘I’ve got too much ter come ’ome for. You are goin’ ter wait fer me, ain’t yer, Kathy?’
‘Don’t swear so much,’ I reproved with a little smile. ‘Da swears somethin’ terrible when he’s drunk and Gran hates it.’
‘I’ll try to remember,’ he said. ‘You will be my girl, Kathy – please?’
‘I’m not giving you my word yet, Billy. But if you promise not to get into any more fights I might go out with you again.’
‘We’ll go to the pictures tomorrow if yer like. There’s one of them Mack Sennett films on – the Keystone Kops, I think. Or we could go to a music hall if you’d rather. I’ve only got three days’ leave, Kathy, so we might as well make the most of it.’
‘Yes, all right,’ I agreed. ‘But remember, I’m not promising anythin’ yet.’
I thought about Billy when I was lying in bed that night. In the past I’d heard rumours about him getting into bad company, and I’d been very upset by the fight at the dance hall, but maybe he’d had to let off steam. All our men were under terrible strain out there, and Billy was no different from anyone else. I liked his smile and easy manner, and as I finally fell asleep I realized that I was looking forward to meeting him the next day.
I saw Billy twice more before he went back to his unit. We visited a music hall and saw Gertrude Lawrence and Jack Buchanan, joining in as the audience sang along with songs that had become so popular since the beginning of the war. On his last afternoon we went for a walk by the river and then had a drink in the pub.
It was a pleasant day despite the cool breeze and a lot of people were out walking about, making the most of the fine weather. The Sally Army was playing hymns outside the pub, and a group of children were marching after them banging on drums made out of old biscuit tins.
Billy looked at me anxiously as we lingered over our drinks. ‘You won’t go and marry anyone else, will yer?’
‘I’m not planning on it, Billy. I want to be a nurse when I can – to do something to help. I think of the war and about what’s happening out there all the time. All those lads getting killed and hurt.’
I had been reading the news about German submarines sinking ships, and the tremendous numbers of casualties at the Front, and it made me feel guilty for being safe at home when so many others were being killed.
Billy nodded, a serious expression on his face. ‘It’s bad, lass, real bad. We don’t talk about it much when we’re home on leave, but it’s a nightmare for the men. I’ve visited mates in the field hospitals