It only now struck her, as she was going on and on about her usual diet—which Rowdy could probably not care less about—that she had unconsciously asked for Rowdy’s favorite meal when Jo had asked her what to pack for the picnic today.
Her breath hitched. All these years, and Rowdy’s favorites had still come to mind.
“This delicious meal is all straight from Cup O’ Jo’s. Chance cooked the food and Jo packed and decorated the picnic basket.”
“A baby theme? Clever.”
“It’s cute,” she agreed. “Will you please say grace for us before we start the meal?”
His fork clattered to his plate as he gaped at her in astonishment.
Angelica wasn’t surprised by his response. She had grown up a PK—a preacher’s kid. Back when she and Rowdy were dating, she was as rebellious as the day was long and wanted nothing to do with church.
Or God.
That had all changed the day she found out she was pregnant with Toby. Suddenly God was very real to her. How else could she explain the tiny human being fearfully and wonderfully formed within her womb?
When she’d told Josh, the father of her child, about their baby, he had scoffed at her, called her horrible names and insisted the child wasn’t his. When he walked out the door, he had walked out of her life. And good riddance to him.
Josh had known he was the only man in her life, the only man she had been with ever, because she had only given in to him after months of pressure. But he hadn’t wanted to accept the responsibility of fatherhood or the effects it would have on his freewheeling lifestyle. He didn’t want to be tied down with a family.
So he’d simply denied the truth and disappeared.
In a way, Angelica felt she deserved that rejection and in the long run God had been looking out for her. It was better for her and her baby not to have been permanently locked into what had never been a healthy relationship to begin with.
God alone had been her constant companion after Josh had left her. She had a few work acquaintances from the high-end hotel in which she was a white-gloved banquet server, but by throwing herself into Denver’s nightlife she’d never made any real connections, and she’d let those few friendships lapse when she’d started dating Josh.
Angelica pulled her thoughts from the past and focused her attention on Rowdy.
“I know what you’re probably thinking. Have I really changed, or am I just trying to unsettle you by asking you to say grace?”
His gaze widened and then his brow furrowed, a frown gathering on his lips. He put his plate aside.
“You said it, not me.”
Toby stirred and Ange set her uneaten food aside to scoop him into her arms. She shuffled through the diaper bag until she found a bottle of formula, giving it a good shake to make sure it was well mixed.
“Discovering I was pregnant with Toby changed my world,” she said, glancing up at Rowdy. “And I mean all of it. I realize I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my past. I’ve hurt people—”
Her gaze dropped to Rowdy’s hands. He was clenching the edge of the bench until his knuckles turned white.
She felt bad for him, but unlike with Josh, she had no fear of him losing his temper. Unless time had completely changed him, he wasn’t a man who would fly off the handle. He was self-controlled and even tempered, even with the woman who had broken his heart.
“Hurt you,” she finished, swallowing hard.
His muscles tightened until his shoulders visibly rippled with tension, and her own stress increased.
“Is this some kind of twelve-step program or something? You’re here because you have to make amends?”
“What? No. I’m here to pay respects to Granny, since I was having Toby on the day she passed away. That, and to settle the estate. I already know there is nothing I can do or say that would change how you think about me and what I did to you.”
Angelica knew her words alone would mean nothing to the man sitting next to her on the bench, the man she’d once loved with all her heart and who had once loved her. He had been prepared to commit his life to her.
He would never know how much she’d sacrificed, and all because she’d loved him.
Toby batted the bottle in her hand, reminding her that she had a hungry boy to feed.
“I’m sorry. There you go, sweetheart,” she murmured, pressing the bottle to Toby’s lips.
“He’s a noisy eater,” Rowdy observed, apparently deciding to keep their conversation at a casual level for the time being.
“He sometimes has trouble latching on and getting his lips where they need to be to get good suction.”
“Because he has Down syndrome?”
Ange nodded, but she wasn’t dismayed by the fact. Toby was just Toby, her son. “Every day is a new adventure with this little guy.”
“And your parents? How do they like their new grandson? They must be proud.”
“They don’t know about him yet,” she admitted, her heart clenching and heat rising to her face. “You probably know that they left the parish here in Serendipity for a small town in Wyoming shortly after I left town.
“My dad pretty much disowned me when I acted so awfully to you in such a public way, because in his mind my actions rubbed off on him. And I guess in a way he is right about that. I was the reason he took a new pastorate far away from Serendipity. I’ve tried reaching out to Mom, but she doesn’t dare cross him, not even for my sake.”
“So, you don’t see them then?”
“No. Not at all.”
He shook his head. “That’s a shame.”
“It is.” She shook her head. “It’s frustrating, but I take full responsibility for my own actions. I don’t like to see my family torn apart, but I can’t blame them for distancing themselves from me.”
She scoffed. “I thought I was so worldly, leaving Serendipity behind and going off on my own, but in truth, I was way out of my element from the day I got to Denver. A preacher’s kid from a small town? I had no idea what I was getting into and was practically swallowed alive. At first, I didn’t want to stay at all.
“But of course, there were even more reasons I couldn’t come home—er, back to Serendipity—when things in Denver didn’t turn out like I’d planned. Not after...well...”
His eyes snapped to hers. She held his gaze but then had to look away for a moment as guilt flooded through her.
With a deep breath, she returned her gaze to his.
“Obviously, I had no intention of seeing you today. But here we are.”
“Here we are,” he repeated. He narrowed his eyes on her. “So now what?”
* * *
Rowdy’s emotions were run ragged and frankly, he had had enough. It was all he could do not to bolt from the scene like a skittish lamb.
He lifted his bruised and battered heart to the Lord.
God, help me.
A short, concise prayer that said it all.
Ange had returned to Serendipity, no longer the pretty girl with a chip on her shoulder who he’d once known and loved, but a striking, mature woman—and a mother with a newborn baby who had seen her share of rough times.
She