‘Then why are you doing so?’ Laine was thankful to see that her hand didn’t tremble as she took it.
‘Because you stand in grave danger of making a fool of yourself, and seriously embarrassing Daniel as well, and I’m sure you don’t want that. So it’s obviously preferable that you understand the terms of your marriage from the outset, and don’t ask for more than he can give.’
As soon as she unfolded the sheet Laine recognised Daniel’s handwriting. The letter began abruptly.
Si—I apologise about last night. I know we both said things we now regret. But being suddenly asked to accept responsibility for Laine’s welfare if you don’t make it back from Annapurna frankly knocked me sideways. As I told you, I don’t want that kind of involvement. Not any more. You know my reasons for this, and I’m sorry you objected to them, because they are not ever going to change.
However, I’ve thought things over since, and I concede you have valid reasons for being concerned about Laine, especially if you’re going to be absent for any length of time. Therefore, in spite of my personal reservations, I accept the obligation to take charge of her in your place, even though it’s a hellish burden as things are. But I realise there is probably no one else you can ask.
One more thing. Simon, man, this Annapurna trip sounds like really bad news. You clearly feel it, and I’m certain of it. I’m also sure it can’t be too late to back out, even now.
But, at the same time, I know that’s not your style, so all I can say is if you go, make bloody certain you come back safely, or you could wreck my life and Laine’s, as well as destroying your own. Just don’t do this to us all. Please. As ever, Dan.
Laine read it through, then read it again more slowly, until every line, every word, every syllable was etched into her aching brain. Never to be forgotten—or forgiven.
She raised her head and looked at the smiling face of the woman lounging on her bed, and she wanted to claw at that smile until the blood ran.
Instead she said, with a soft dignity she hadn’t known she possessed, ‘Thank you. Do—do you want it back?’
‘I don’t think so. It’s served its purpose, so you keep it.’ Candida uncoiled herself, rose, and walked to the door. ‘Poor Elaine,’ she said. ‘I’ve shattered your illusions, haven’t I? But surely that’s better coming from me than from Dan?
‘Besides, you’ve married the man you’re crazy about—and half a loaf is always preferable to no bread at all, or so they tell me. Just keep reminding yourself of that, and I’m sure everything will be fine.’
The door closed softly, and she was gone.
When she could move, Laine stood up and went across to her case. She opened it, slipped the folded letter into one of the side pockets, and zipped it away.
As if by hiding it she could somehow erase the memory of it too—of the stinging phrases that had brought her life crashing around her.
‘Hellish burden,’ she said aloud, trying the words on her tongue as she looked at herself in the mirror. Saw the ghost in the half-buttoned dress, with eyes like bottomless pits.
And thought, Oh God, what am I going to do? What can I do?
She had still found no answers to those questions some two hours later, when she arrived with Daniel at their honeymoon destination.
It was as if she’d become two people, she thought as she sat beside him in the car, looking at the flying countryside with unseeing eyes. One who smiled with the expected radiance of a new bride, who chatted and kissed people goodbye, then tossed her bouquet so that Celia caught it. And another secret person who waited numbly in some inner darkness and prayed for the pain to cease.
She could not remain in the marriage. That was one certainty to emerge from her silent soul searching. The other, more importantly, was that Daniel must never find out that she knew why he’d married her—must never realise that she’d seen that wretched letter, and the agonising truth it contained. That, at eighteen years old, her marriage was a myth and she herself simply an unwanted wife. An obligation and a responsibility that he’d been forced to acquire.
But, although she might know his secret, he could not be allowed to know hers, or she would die of humiliation.
Oh, why did I let him see that I dreaded going to Spain? she asked herself desperately. I should have pretended that it was an adventure—an ideal opportunity for me—and by doing so released him from the coercion of his promise to Simon.
‘You’re very quiet,’ Daniel observed suddenly, startling her from her confused and unhappy thoughts. ‘You’ve hardly said two words since we set off. Are you all right?’
‘I’m fine.’ When had she learned to be such an accomplished liar? ‘A little tired, maybe, after all the rushing about of the past few weeks, that’s all.’
‘I should have been around more.’ He was frowning slightly, his swift sideways glance at her concerned. ‘I let that damned takeover occupy too much of my time. But all that stops right here,’ he added softly. ‘From now on, I intend to concentrate solely on you, my sweet.’
Don’t call me that, she thought. Don’t look at me as if I matter. Above all—don’t be kind—because I can’t bear it. Not when I know that’s all there is …
‘I hope you like the cottage,’ he went on. ‘A couple called Jackson run the place for the owners—do all the cooking and cleaning, and look after the garden.
‘It sounds wonderful.’ A mechanical response, as if she’d been programmed.
And of course it was wonderful—’cottage’ being a total misnomer for the charming redbrick house rambling round three sides of a courtyard. The Jacksons, large, placid and clearly discreet, were waiting to welcome them, and to take their bags up to a large bedroom overlooking the rear garden.
The window was open, and Laine went straight to it, trying not to look as if she was deliberately ignoring the wide bed with its pretty patchwork coverlet and snowy linen. She knelt on the cushioned window seat, inhaling the scent of the flowers drifting up from below and touching with her fingertips the petals of the Gloire de Dijon rose that covered the adjacent wall.
‘Happy?’ Daniel spoke from behind her, his voice gentle.
‘Of course,’ she returned. ‘It’s beautiful.’ She turned, glancing round her. ‘Although there doesn’t seem to be a lot of cupboard space.’
‘My God,’ he said. ‘How much stuff have you brought?’ He waited a moment for her to respond to his teasing smile, but in vain. He added more slowly, ‘There’s another room across the passage. I can put my things in there, if you want. Give you more space.’
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘Then perhaps we could have some tea?’
‘A delightful idea,’ Daniel said cordially. ‘And when, if ever, am I going to be allowed to kiss you? Let alone undo the buttons on that intriguing dress?’
She remembered Jamie’s casual comment. Thought how, only a few hours before. she would have gone with shy eagerness into his arms, yielding her mouth and her body to his possession. Now, she managed a nervous laugh. ‘Daniel—it’s broad daylight—the middle of the afternoon.’
‘As you wish,’ he said, after a pause. ‘After all, I’ve waited so long already that a few more hours won’t kill me.’ He moved away towards the door. ‘I’ll speak to Mrs Jackson about your tea, then go and unpack.’
Alone, Laine found she was staring at the bed as if hypnotised. The bed where Daniel would later perform his duties as her husband, with probable skill and enjoyment. Because he was a man, and she was new and available. And, as she’d learned from Celia and other more worldly-wise friends, where men were concerned sex and love were not necessarily part of the same equation.