‘It wasn’t delusion,’ Anna said firmly, ‘it was trust. You trusted him. And he let you down.’
‘It was delusion,’ Liv said calmly, checking the stock of antibiotics. ‘All the signs were there, but I ignored them because I just didn’t want to see them. Even when Jack walked out of the delivery room saying “I can’t do this”, I told myself he was just talking about the stress of seeing his beloved wife in labour, whereas what he was trying to say was that he just couldn’t “do” responsibility. He didn’t want to be a father. And he didn’t want to be married to me. It’s just a pity for Max that he didn’t make that decision a little bit sooner.’ She put the boxes back on the shelf. ‘Actually I don’t mean that because then I wouldn’t have Max and he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.’
‘You’re a wonderful mother and Max is a lucky boy.’
Is he?
Liv pushed through the guilt that was always pressing in on her. ‘Well, I’ve learned to kick a football, if that’s what you’re saying, and I know the difference between a Lamborghini and a Ferrari but that doesn’t make up for the fact that Max has a mother who works and no man in his life.’
Anna beamed at her. ‘So use those tickets you won to the Snowflake Ball!’
‘I’m not using the tickets.’
‘Liv, it’s Christmas! Time to let your hair down and party. This is a fabulous opportunity to meet someone. For goodness’ sake, those tickets are like gold dust. Michelle on Paediatrics was offered a thousand pounds for hers but she refused to sell.’
‘You’re kidding! Who on earth was stupid enough to offer her that much money?’ Liv’s jaw dropped. ‘Did she make a note of the name? I could sell my tickets and replace my car.’
‘Why must you always be so practical?’
‘Because I’m a single mother with a child of seven and responsibilities.’ Liv checked the expiry date on a tube of eye ointment. ‘If I’m not practical, we don’t eat.’
‘Has your car actually died?’
‘Not yet. It likes to keep me in suspense.’
Anna waved a hand dismissively. ‘Forget the car. This is London—you can always get the train. Keep the tickets and go to the ball, Cinderella.’
‘Given the meagre contents of my wardrobe, that’s not a bad analogy. I certainly have plenty of rags to choose from.’
Anna stood back and narrowed her eyes. ‘I’d offer to lend you a dress but you’re actually quite— Your boobs are—’
‘Big,’ Liv slotted in wryly. ‘I am aware of that, actually, having had them stuck to the front of my chest for the past twenty-eight years.’
‘You were born with those?’ Anna started to laugh and Liv rolled her eyes.
‘How did we start this conversation? It isn’t as if we’re not busy. There’s ice on the roads and we’ve had three road traffic accidents in so far today. Last time I looked the waiting room was busier than the shops. Stop interfering in my life and go and heal the sick.’
‘Only if you promise me that your New Year’s resolution is to start seeing men. You don’t actually have to get married—’
‘That’s a relief.’
‘But at least go on a date. I’m worried about you. I mean…’ Anna looked despairing. ‘Aren’t you lonely? When did you last have sex?’
‘For crying out loud, Anna!’ Mortified, Liv glanced over her shoulder to check that they were still the only two people in the tiny room.
‘The fact that the mere word is enough to embarrass you tells me it’s been far too long. You’ve been divorced for four years. It’s time to get out there again,’ Anna said firmly. ‘If you’re scared of a relationship then just have a one-night stand.’
‘No way!’ The thought horrified Liv. ‘I hate the idea of waking up next to a man I don’t know and don’t care about. That just leads to misery.’
‘There are two solutions to that. You can either kick him out of bed before he falls asleep or you could find a man you do know and do care about.’
‘That just leads to misery, too. And anyway, I don’t have the courage to take my clothes off in front of anyone.’ Liv shuddered at the thought. ‘And anyway, it isn’t just about me. I have a little boy of seven. I don’t want to trail a series of different men through his life. That’s not how I want him to grow up.’
‘You should be showing him that relationships are part of life, Liv. Yes, sometimes they go wrong. But sometimes they work. What message are you giving him? That love isn’t worth taking a risk for?’
Engulfed by a tide of guilt and anxiety, Liv stared at her. ‘You think I’m putting Max off relationships?’
‘No, but I think you’re so afraid of being hurt you just won’t even give it a try, which is ridiculous because you’re incredibly pretty and you have huge—’
‘Anna!’
‘Sorry. I just don’t think you have any idea how gorgeous you are. Do you know what the men call you behind your back? Luscious Liv.’
‘That’s because they only ever see me with my clothes on. If they saw me naked, they’d be calling me Lumpy Liv.’
‘You’re ridiculous, do you know that? You have a fabulous figure.’ Anna leaned forward and gave her a swift hug, her voice husky. ‘I don’t mean to nag or upset you but you’re my best friend and I want you to meet someone nice. You deserve to meet someone nice. I wish I could buy you a night of hot sex for Christmas.’
‘I don’t want pity sex. I’d rather have bubble bath! It would be less embarrassing.’ But Liv hugged her back, allowing herself an indulgent moment of female solidarity.
‘Am I interrupting something?’ A deep male voice came from behind them and Anna gave a strangled gasp and jumped back, her face scarlet.
‘Mr Lucarelli! I mean—Stefano—’ She cleared her throat, acting more like a student nurse than a senior sister with years of experience. ‘We were just—we were…’ Too embarrassed to speak coherently, she waved a hand helplessly and Liv sighed and took over.
‘We were hugging,’ she said calmly, desperately hoping that he hadn’t overheard the conversation. ‘Did you need something?’
Dark, challenging eyes settled on her face and Liv wished she hadn’t drawn attention to herself.
Forcing herself to meet his gaze calmly, she tried not to notice his glossy black hair, his superb bone structure or the sensual curve of his mouth. He was indecently, impossibly handsome and Liv wondered idly how many female hearts he’d broken since he’d reached adolescence. They could probably be laid end to end across Europe. From the width of his shoulders to the blue-shadowed jaw, he epitomised all that it meant to be masculine.
He stood at least six feet two and the blue scrub suit encased a body that was hard and powerful. ‘I came to tell you that we have transferred the patient to ICU,’ he said in a cool tone. ‘And I wanted to talk to you about Rachel.’
Anna immediately snapped back into her role as Sister. ‘Is there a problem?’
‘Sì, there is a problem,’ he said impatiently, his eyes still on Liv. ‘I don’t want her working with me in Resus again.’
Anna frowned. ‘She’s a very good nurse and—’
‘She can work with the others, but not me. She’s nervous of me…’ angling his arrogant dark head, he transferred the full force of his gaze to Anna ‘…and her