“I’m heading over to that rental counter to try to get a vehicle capable of getting me back to Chicago.”
He glanced over and slowly began to shake his head. “I’m sorry, you’re not going to have any luck.”
She frowned. “How do you know that?”
“I just came from there. That was the last counter I tried...and they just rented me their very last vehicle. It wasn’t even supposed to be rented in this weather, but the company apparently likes to help soldiers out, so they let me have it.”
That was great for him. But not for her.
“I’m not sure if it’s capable of getting me home for Christmas, but I’m damn sure going to give it my best shot.”
Uncertain, she glanced up at him, hearing something in his voice, something that both excited and confused her.
An invitation, perhaps?
He made it clear. “Want a lift?”
She gulped, swallowing so hard her throat wobbled. “Are you serious?”
He nodded, that intense, dark-eyed gaze never leaving her face. Her heart twisted as she noted the circles beneath those eyes, the almost bony leanness of his cheeks, the stubble, the scars, the...the sadness. There was no other word for it.
If Rafe had appeared weary the last time she’d seen him, after he’d been in the military for four years, now, after seven, he seemed almost broken. As if he’d been to the edge of the world, witnessed the worst it had to offer and only barely managed to crawl his way back toward sanity and civilization.
Of course, she wasn’t entirely sure you could call the day before Christmas Eve at a snowed-in airport either sane or civilized. Still, it had to be better than where he’d been living.
Outwardly, she maintained her poise, but deep inside, she wept for him, for what he’d seen and what he’d done and what he’d missed.
What they’d missed.
Damn it, how could he always affect her this way?
“What do you say, El?” he asked.
“You’re seriously going to drive all the way to Chicago?”
A faint grin widened that sexy mouth, but it didn’t seem entirely natural, as if he wasn’t used to smiling much anymore. “I haven’t been home for Christmas in three years—since the last we ran into each other. I promised my folks I’d be there this Christmas, and I intend to keep that promise.”
He shifted his heavy pack from one powerful shoulder to the other, and she couldn’t help appreciating the way the soft fabric of his fatigues hugged every ridge of muscle, from flexing arms down to thick, strong legs. He might be tired and careworn, but oh, God, was he still hot. The most masculine man she’d ever seen in her life.
This is not a good idea.
Being closed up in a car with him as they drove halfway across the country? It could take a whole day to reach their destination, and that was if they were lucky and got ahead of the worst weather. And every minute of the trip, she’d be trapped in a confined space with the one man she’d never been able to forget—the one whose very memory had cost her so much and had made her so drastically alter her plans for her life.
Could she really put herself through it?
“Come on, El. I could use the second pair of eyes, not to mention the company to keep me awake. Coffee might not cut it. I’ve been traveling for almost forty hours.”
“Couldn’t get them to fly you those last three, huh?”
“Don’t I wish. Military transport got me all the way from Kabul. I never imagined a bunch of damned snowflakes would stop me from getting the last eight hundred miles home.”
“Me, neither.”
“So, are you in?”
Another pause, another second to realize she would be making a huge mistake. But then there was one more thing. One more crazy thought whizzing through her head.
Maybe this was, instead, the luckiest moment of her life. It could be the chance she’d been waiting for...the one she’d feared she’d never have again.
The chance to discover if, after all these years, after time and distance and other relationships, she and Rafe Santori really were meant to be together after all.
She’d have to protect her heart from making the same old mistakes. She couldn’t let her guard down right away. For all she knew, he had moved on, had totally forgotten about her. Maybe he’d even changed and was no longer the tender, noble man she’d once loved. War could certainly alter people. So it wouldn’t do to let him get too close, too quickly. She had to keep up some walls, had to be cautious and go slowly. Mostly she had to avoid falling hard and fast and irrevocably in love with the man again.
Until she figured out whether she could trust her feelings for him, her heart was under lock and key. And the future remained as uncertain and elusive as it had since the day they’d said goodbye all those years ago when he’d gone off to war.
But for the first time since that New Year’s Eve three years ago, she began to feel something that resembled hope. Hope for a future she’d been absolutely certain was forever lost to her.
“Okay, Rafe,” she finally said. “I’m in.”
* * *
RAFE WASN’T SURE what he had been thinking to offer Ellie a ride to Chicago. He’d never been a masochist, never enjoyed testing himself with pain the way some of his fellow soldiers did. So why on earth would he inflict emotional torture on himself for a good eighteen hours? Because sitting in this small car—they called it a subcompact, but considering the way it skidded and slid all over the damned highway, it should have been called a sleigh—with her for eight hundred miles was sure to be torturous.
You can’t abandon her in an airport so far from home. Not on Christmas.
Maybe not. But did he really have to suggest she ride with him? The last time he’d seen her, Ellie had been engaged and happy, planning her September wedding with her nice-guy fiancé. Rafe had spent the past three years picturing her at that wedding, dressed in white lace, smiling and joyous. He’d tormented himself with mental images of her and her perfect, nice husband. Had mentally seen her painting their house in the burbs, adding a nursery when she became round and pregnant.
He had kicked himself whenever he let his imagination go down that road. But in the darkest nights, when he was bone tired and missing life in the States so bad he swore he’d go crazy if he had to inhale another mouthful of sand, she was all he thought about.
Conjuring up a vision of Ellie always brought him coolness, quiet, comfort. Which was really funny, considering he’d always been so hot for her. Like, seriously, couldn’t-keep-his-hands-off-her hot for her, when they had first gotten together.
He still was. Of that, there was no doubt. Just sitting in the car with her, hearing her tiny gasps whenever they hit a particularly icy patch of road, or her soft sighs when they found a smooth stretch, was agony. Watching the dashboard lights play across her beautiful face, physically pained him. He wanted her so badly he would be willing to drive the rental into the nearest snow bank if only he could pull her over onto his lap and kiss her until the taste and feel of her mouth were imprinted on every cell of memory he owned.
She was lovelier than ever, if that was even possible. Marriage apparently agreed with her. Gone was the girlish roundness to her face. Those blue-green eyes seemed bigger than before, her lush mouth more mature and so much more alluring. Her body was all curve and slope, begging for a man’s hands and mouth. His hands and mouth.
No. She’s off-limits.
He might have done some things he wasn’t proud of in his life, but he had his own code. And stealing another man’s wife was