And yet tomorrow they would be married. They would be lovers. She knew as much; even she, kept away in convent school, knew the basics of life. Of sex.
Her mind darted away from the implications, the impossibilities. What vague images her fevered brain conjured were blurred, strange, embarrassing.
Yet she still wanted to see him. Now.
Stefano was a night owl; he’d told her before. Allegra didn’t think he’d be in bed yet. He’d be downstairs, in her father’s study or library, reading one of his fusty old books.
She could find him.
Taking a breath, Allegra opened her bedroom door and crept down the passage. The soft September air was cool, although perhaps she was just hot.
Her hand was slick on the wrought iron railing as she went down the stairs. In the hall, she heard voices from the library.
‘This time tomorrow you will have your little bride,’ her father, Roberto, said. He sounded as sleekly satisfied as a tomcat.
‘And you will have what you want,’ Stefano replied, and Allegra jerked involuntarily at the sound of his voice—cool, urbane, indifferent.
She’d never heard him speak in such a tone before.
‘Yes, indeed I will. This is a good business arrangement for us both, Stefano … my son.’
‘Indeed it is,’ Stefano agreed in a bland tone that still somehow made Allegra shiver. ‘I’m pleased that you approached me.’
‘And not too bad a price, eh?’ Roberto chuckled, an ugly, indulgent sound. Allegra’s flesh crawled at the sound—a sound she realized she’d never heard, a sound she’d been protected from. Her father’s own callousness. Towards her.
‘Allegra’s mother has raised her well,’ Roberto continued. ‘She’ll give you five or six bambinos and then you can keep her in the country.’ He chuckled again. ‘She’ll know her place. And I know a woman in Milan … she’s very good.’
‘Is she?’
Allegra choked, one fist pressed to her lips. What was her father saying? What was Stefano saying?
Their words beat a remorseless echo in her numb brain. Business arrangement. A deal to be brokered. A bargain to be had.
A woman to be sold.
They were talking about a marriage. Hers.
She shook her head in mute, instinctive denial.
‘Yes,’ Roberto said, ‘she is. There are many pleasures for the married man, Stefano.’
Stefano gave a light answering laugh. ‘That I believe.’
Allegra closed her eyes, her hand still against her mouth. She felt dizzy and strange, her heart thudding hopelessly in her chest.
She took a calming breath and tried to think. To trust. Surely there was some explanation why Stefano was saying the things he was, sounding the way he was. If she just asked … it would be all right. Everything would be just as it had been.
‘Allegra! What are you doing here?’
Her eyes flew open. Stefano stood in front of her, an expression of concern—or was it annoyance?—on his face. Suddenly Allegra couldn’t tell. She wondered if she’d ever been able to tell.
Even now, her gaze roved hungrily over his features—the bronzed planes of his cheekbones, the thick chocolate-coloured hair swept away from his forehead, his amber eyes glinting in the dim light.
‘I …’ Her mouth was dry and the questions died in her heart. ‘I couldn’t sleep.’
‘Too excited, fiorina?’ Stefano smiled, but now everything had been cast into doubt and Allegra wondered if she saw arrogant amusement in that gesture rather than the tenderness she’d always supposed. ‘In less than twelve hours we will be man and wife. Can you not wait until then to see me?’ He cupped her cheek, letting his thumb drift to caress her lips. Her mouth parted involuntarily and his smile deepened. ‘Go to bed, Allegra. Dream of me.’
He dropped his hand and turned away, dismissing her. Allegra watched him, watched the clean, broad lines of his back, tapering to narrow hips, watched him move away from her.
‘Do you love me?’ As soon as she’d asked the question, she wished she could bite back the words. Gobble them up and swallow them whole. They sounded desperate, pleading, pathetic.
And yet it was a reasonable question, wasn’t it? They were about to be married. Yet as she saw Stefano turn slowly around, his body tense and alert, she felt as if it wasn’t.
She felt as if she’d asked something wrong. Something stupid.
‘Allegra?’ he queried softly, and she heard a stern note of warning in the sound of her name.
‘I heard you … and Papa …’ she whispered, wanting even now to explain, to understand. Yet the words trailed off as she saw Stefano’s expression change, his eyes turning blank and hard, the mobile curve of his mouth flattening into an unforgiving line.
‘Business, Allegra, business between men. It is nothing you need concern yourself with.’
‘It sounded …’ Her mouth was dry and she licked her lips. ‘It sounded so …’
‘So what?’ Stefano challenged.
‘Cold,’ she whispered.
Stefano raised his eyebrows. ‘What are you trying to say to me, Allegra? Are you having second thoughts?’
‘No!’ She grabbed for his hand and after a second he coolly withdrew it. ‘Stefano … I just wondered … the things you said …’
‘Do you doubt that I’ll care for you? Protect and provide for you?’ he demanded.
‘No,’ Allegra said quickly, ‘but Stefano, I want more than that. I want—’
He shook his head with slow, final deliberation. ‘What more is there?’
Allegra gazed at him with wide, startled eyes. What more is there? So much more, she wanted to say. There was kindness, respect, honesty. Sharing joy and laughter, as well as sorrow and heartache. Bearing one another’s burdens in love. Yet she saw the hard lines of Stefano’s face, the coldness of his eyes, and knew that he was not thinking of these things.
They didn’t matter.
They didn’t exist.
Allegra licked her lips. ‘But Stefano …’ she whispered, although she didn’t know what to say. She barely knew what to feel.
Stefano held one hand up to stop her half-spoken plea. Something twisted his features, flickered in his eyes. Allegra didn’t know what it was, but she didn’t like it. When he finally spoke, his voice was calm, cold and frightening. ‘Are you questioning what kind of man I am?’
His voice and face were so harsh, unfamiliar. Allegra shook her head. ‘No!’ she gasped, and it came out in a half sob for she knew then that she was. And so did he.
Stefano was silent for a long moment, his gaze hard and fastened on hers, until Allegra could bear it no longer and stared at the floor.
She realized he was treating her like a child—a child to be charmed or chastened, placated or punished.
With sudden, stark clarity, she realized he’d always treated her this way. She’d never felt like a wife, or even a woman.
She wondered if she ever would.
‘Go to bed, Allegra.’ He tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear, his thumb skimming her face once more. ‘Go to bed, my little bride. Tomorrow is our wedding day. A new beginning, for both of us.’
‘Yes