Kell had won Bitters’ employ seven years prior in a high-stakes game of Hazard after rolling a perfect nine. As a result, the man became his personal servant for a month. Once the thirty days was completed, Kell offered him a permanent position and Bitters jumped at the opportunity, eager to leave an employer who recklessly wagered his well-being. Things had progressed into friendship more than servitude, although at times Kell felt impelled to remind Bitters of his station, most especially when the steward persisted with lectures on familial obligation and title. Talk in that vein fell on deaf ears and left Kell wishing he’d rolled a six instead.
And while he acknowledged storming from a conversation, slamming the door to his study, and sulking about his conflicted situation personified every flaw society pinned to his temperament, he knew no other way to react. Communication was not his strong suit and pouring another brandy resembled mockery more than a solution at present. He glanced at the bare stretch of wall above the fireplace. The area was meant to display a revered portrait but remained empty. His father hardly deserved the honor, and the idea of a familial scene evoked a wry, sardonic laugh.
For decades his sire had philandered about England, sullying his mother’s reputation and adding insult to injury by producing by-blow after by-blow: a multitude of bastards who never knew their father, siblings lost to him. His mother wore the disgrace of the scars against her heart, while whispers and rumors flouted through ballrooms just out of earshot.
He shook his head with regret and remorse, pausing as he was reminded there had been one recent note of hope. Directly before leaving London, he’d learned Emily Shaw, now Emily St. David and new wife to his closest friend Jasper, was his half sister, sired by his father during an extended affair. Upon learning the news, he hadn’t accepted the information with acquiescence. Fair enough, he’d come from a scandalous confrontation with his father in the city square where Emily had arrived unexpectedly and discovered their relationship, but the circumstances hardly excused his later actions. Eventually, he’d need to make right where he’d done wrong, not that a visit to London would occur in the near future. With so many problems to solve, his half sister became another addition to a long list.
Again he eyed the empty space above the mantel. One day he would hang a portrait of his own family. A wife and child. Nyx should be in the painting as well, standing in the background with the manor house against the sky. He could create his own life apart and away from the people who perpetrated hurt. The portrait would proclaim he wasn’t tainted by his parents’ infidelity or ruined reputations, but had established his own esteemed place in the world.
It didn’t matter he was emotionally bereft, lacking devotion or commitment, and solely capable of brief liaisons and quick tumbles with opera singers and ambitious widows. Despite thick layers of disdain and rejection, deep within his locked heart, Kell yearned for normalcy: a loving, nurturing relationship with a trustworthy woman interested in equal, honest commitment. She would be the key to his happiness. She would fill the void of resounding emptiness within his soul. She would stop the ache that knelled with lonely insistence the same way blood flowed through his veins. She existed. He just had to find her.
By the time Bitters retrieved him from the study where he’d passed time mulling over correspondence and financial documents, the clock struck midday and his comrades had arrived as planned, deposited in the sitting room. Kell approached with an odd mixture of enthusiasm and reservation. Both men were loyal, dependable gentleman, Oliver Nicholson, his comrade for over a decade. R. James Caulfield, Earl of Penwick, more or less a fresh acquaintance—an association formed through Jasper St. David’s investment business—though the new earl proved an amiable gentleman.
Kell smiled as he made way down the hall. The buffoonish diversion of his friends was welcome, although news from London would need to be approached with caution. Their visit seemed a double-edged sword. Not one to cower from inevitabilities, Kell entered the room and greeted his guests.
“What warrants this unexpected visit?” No need to chase his own tail. He may as well discover why his friends had appeared on his doorstep without advance notice. With a nod for Bitters to enter with refreshments, Kell waited for the servant to vacate the room before continuing. “Not that I’m displeased to see you.” His life was rife with contradictions and perpendicular purpose. As much as he wished to separate from the distraught scene left in London, another part of him yearned for a sense of ordinariness befitting a proper gentleman, instead of the role of an emotional cripple to a bastard-making sire and a mother who knew no love other than of herself.
“Just passing through.” Oliver aimed a conspiratorial wink in Penwick’s direction and selected a sandwich, taking a hearty bite. He chewed for what seemed a ridiculous length of time before he spoke again. “Truth is, Penwick asked me along to Bexhill where he committed to purchase several new horses. We have a stallion with us now and agreed you’d be the perfect person to confirm the grade. The animal waits for your approval in the stable.” He swung his attention to Penwick. “By the by, I’m inviting my older brother Randolph to London next month and I’m certain he’ll need a new mount. Something to keep in mind, along with Kell’s inspection of the newly purchased cattle.” Oliver took another bite of sandwich and settled in his seat, the latter part of the elucidation apparently falling to Penwick.
“I’d appreciate your opinion if it’s not too much trouble,” Penwick appealed with a solemn expression. “It’s the new money and title that has me at crosses. I’m to suddenly fall in line with the loftiest aristocrats when last year I was nothing more than the distant relative of an upper ten.” He stifled a smirk that displayed his discomfort. “I’m not complaining, although the transition has been swift and unsettling. Purchasing a stable of superior horseflesh is both necessary and expected.” Satisfied with his explanation, he too prepared a plate and forked food into his mouth, his expression grim as he took less than enthusiastic bites.
“I’d be happy to examine the animal. What are your future plans? Will you stay through the week then?” The company would be a distraction. Aside from a growing interest to find the lovely miss from the moonlight, Kell had little on his agenda, and a lingering question hung in the air—were his friends here to check on his behavior following his distinct and abrupt exile from London, or were they passing through Brighton in earnest? He wondered for a fleeting moment if by chance Jasper had instigated the visit. St. David was a true and trusted friend. Jasper would be concerned about his welfare.
“Can’t say we will.” Oliver finished chewing. “Penwick’s not just about horses these days so back to the city we go.” He nodded his head toward the window as if London began on the front lawn. “He’s wife shopping too.”
This prompted an unexpected round of chuckles, although everyone seemed uneasy with the suggestion of volunteering for a leg-shackle. A fraught silence followed.
“Jasper appears content despite his new condition.” Kell admired his friend’s risibility, able to approach life with an effortless disposition. “I’ll stick with horses.”
Laughter made another round.
“The delightful Miss Shaw is a rarity and I’m happy for Jasper’s recent marriage.” Oliver replaced his dish on the table and reclined in the cane-backed chair. “May we all be so lucky when the time for betrothal arrives.”
“It is my purpose and next course of action.” Penwick appeared conflicted though his words rang with determination. “A man can plan his future, know when the correct choice lies in reach, yet sometimes Fate interferes.” A cryptic note of inquiry punctuated his admission.
“I doubt the future holds any such munificence.” Kell stated the fact with bald aplomb. He was a man of singular focus and despite his conflicted hopes for marriage he had his reservations about the condition. “Tell me more about your new horse. Can he compare to my Nyx?” The question was posed as a courtesy. No other mount had the stamina, speed, or intelligence of his Arabian. He straightened his shoulders with pride. Damn it, he loved the animal more than he should.
“Nearly as fast, I presume.” Penwick’s enthusiasm revived with the