âAye, you were quite disgusting when you came here. I cut your hair, too. You can thank Vidar that itâs not shaved, as well. He refused to let me.â
âThen itâs true? The battle? My horse?â
She nodded. âSo Iâm told. You arrived here the day before yesterday, but already your colour is better. Weâve tried to get some broth in you, but without much luck. I think if you can begin to eat, you could make a swift recovery.â
She was being evasive. He could plainly see the false way her eyes lit up with the hollow optimism. Before she could think to stop him, he tore the blanket back from his legs, uncaring that he was nude beneath it. He could only see the binding wrapped around his left leg. When he rolled his foot to the side, a shard of pain sliced through it.
âHow bad is it?â he asked with the perfunctory tones of a commander, as if he were talking about the injury of one of his men. There was a part of him that couldnât accept that the injury was his and he couldnât even begin to contemplate what it meant for his future.
When she hesitated, his gaze jumped back to hers. âTell me, Kadlin.â
âHarald says that it is broken.â She moved slowly and held her hand above an area of his shin. As if anticipating her touch and the pain it would bring, it began to throb. But she held her hand aloft. âHere. Though only a fracture, not a clean break. It is the knee that sustained the most damage. Magnus told Eirik that the limb was a bit twisted under the horse and pulled it out of place. I donât know if there was a break. It was wrapped so tight and seemed to be so painful when we tried to unbind it that we canât examine it. Also, you have a few broken ribs.â
He watched her soft, full lips form each word, but even that wasnât enough to keep the despair at bay. Heâd never walk again. No one had to tell him that. One look at the swollen appendage and he could plainly see it for himself. The useless limb was damaged beyond repair. They should have just cut it from his body so he wouldnât have to look at it. He flopped back down, grimacing from the shard of lightning that lanced through his torso, and closed his eyes as he tried to imagine what a useless leg would mean. Heâd never command a ship again; heâd never be able to stand with the rocking of the vessel. That would hardly matter, though, none of his men would follow a lame master. None of them. Heâd be seen as unfit to lead. He would be unfit to lead.
The worst of it was that Kadlin would see him like this. He was lamed and deformed and she would witness it all. There would be no peace in believing that she would never know of his weakness. There was no hope that she would only hear of his good and heroic deeds and imagine him as the warrior that she had known. His weakness, once seen, couldnât be unseen by her eyes. It was why they were lit with a false light; she was trying to hide her disgust. He couldnât blame her for it.
âThere is no recovery for me. Iâll be broken like Harald. Unfit to wield a sword.â Unfit to call myself a man. Now Kadlinâthe one person who had always refused to see the bad in himâwould be forced to see how useless and unworthy of her he really was. Perhaps being sent to her was his one last punishment. Heâd get to watch any tenderness she felt towards him slowly leave her eyes to be replaced with pity. He refused to submit to that.
âLeave me.â
She rose to her full height, but hesitated to go. âIâll bring you some food. You need it to recover.â
He shook his head and then grimaced from the pain. âSend it with Vidar, if heâs still here.â
* * *
âMama!â Her son toddled into the house, a smooth river rock held out in his small, chubby hand. âTreasure!â
Kadlin scooped him up and exclaimed over the treasure he had found. âItâs beautiful. We can add it to the collection.â She set him down so he could go put it in the basket holding the other rocks he had found and deemed suitable for his collection. She smiled as he gave the alcove a quick glance and a wide berth as he went past it. Sheâd added a heavy blanket as a curtain as soon as Gunnar had been settled inside, so the child had only heard the strange noises coming from it. It was no wonder he was frightened.
âThank you, Ingrid.â She turned and smiled at Haraldâs daughter who had followed her son inside. âCould I get you something to eat?â
âNo, thank you, maâam. I need to be getting home.â With a nod, the girl left.
âCome, Avalt, let me feed you.â
The boy was too busy admiring his collection to pay her any attention, until Vidar emerged from the alcove. He stopped playing and looked up, waiting until Vidar met his gaze before running to his mother. She laughed softly and scooped him up, cuddling him close as he intently watched Vidarâs approach. Heâd been excited to have a man in the house and had generally welcomed Vidar with the enthusiasm of a young child fascinated with someone new. But the fact that he had emerged from the mysterious alcove had set the toddler on edge.
âCan we not give him more of the laced mead?â Vidar scowled as he set the empty bowl on the hearth. âHeâs as irritable as a bear.â
Kadlin stifled a sigh of relief that Gunnar had drunk it all. Sheâd been worried that he would deny himself nourishment or that his stomach would rebel against the contents, since heâd apparently had nothing in weeks except for the mead concoction.
When she didnât answer immediately, Vidar brushed past her with an accusatory look. âThe Saxon witch sent plenty, enough to last for many more weeks. His leg pains him and his head is unbearable.â
âNay, heâs had enough. His head wound has healed. I believe it pains him now only because his body has grown to crave the mead. Once heâs gone without it a few days, that will improve. Besides, did you see him?â Though his shoulders were still broad, Gunnar had lost the heft that came from fighting and his ribs shone through his skin. Even his face showed how gaunt he was; his cheeks had hollowed a bit and dark circles surrounded his eyes. âHeâs wasting away. He wonât eat unless we wean him from the mead and he needs the nourishment more than he needs the relief from the pain.â Though the groans from his pain still echoed in her ears and they tore at her. As much as she had tried to harden her heart against him in the years since his abandonment, she couldnât bear the image of him in pain.
âItâs cruel. He needs relief from his pain. Nourishment or not, heâll never walk again. Heâll never carry a sword or stand a ship. Let him have his solace from the pain. What does the rest of it matter?â It appeared that he had more to say, but he stopped when she rounded on him.
âWhat does it matter? That is your brother lying in there. Are you saying that his life isnât worth anything without that leg to support him? Are you saying that we should leave him to his mindless solace instead of trying to heal him?â
âYou heard Harald just as I did. Gunnar will not use that leg again. You know him as well as I do, or even better, Iâd wager.â He indicated the baby in her arms with his dark, flaming hair so like his fatherâs.
Kadlin stifled a gasp of surprise. Sheâd known that her son resembled his father, but she hadnât realised exactly how much until she had seen Gunnar again. Apparently, the resemblance was visible to those who had a reason to suspect.
Vidar had the presence of mind to seem chastised and lowered his tone. âYou know that he