If he was lucky, he was able to sleep for a whole night uninterrupted. More often than not, his sleep would be disturbed by a frantic knock on the door and he would be summoned to the bedside of another patient. He got called away from social functions and dinners. He could not even guarantee he would be left in peace on Christmas Day. Not that he minded those things either. It was who he was. His vocation and he would not have it any other way, but it was a big leap of faith to expect another person to be so forgiving of the demands his career placed upon him. Especially if that person was so exquisite she could have her pick from a crop of suitors much more impressive than him.
Mrs Patterson, his formidable housekeeper, rapped her knuckles swiftly on the other side of his consulting room door, bringing Joe unceremoniously, and blessedly, back to the present.
‘Dr Warriner, Mr Simmons is here for his appointment.’
‘Send him in, Mrs Patterson.’ Joe sat up smartly and put on the wire-rimmed spectacles he needed to read his notes. The allotted time for self-indulgent dreams was over.
* * *
Bella stared at the already crowded marketplace and immediately felt nauseous. Usually she made the short walk across the square with Clarissa, which meant it was not as daunting, but her sister had claimed to be ill to get out of the chore of holding Bella’s hand, so drastic times called for drastic measures. Bella could have stayed at home. But at home she would soon become bored because she found no purpose in embroidery. Filling her day with purpose took her mind off the fear and allowed her to leave the house. Purpose was making her better, or so she fervently hoped, and she had to be brave. She would conquer this fear logically. Scientifically.
It was just a short walk to the foundling home.
It was broad daylight.
And nobody here meant her any harm.
She could and would do this!
In less than five minutes she would be safely ensconced in the infirmary. The place she had only just discovered she preferred above all others in the world.
It was rare that she ever felt truly comfortable enough to be herself any more. Ever since the incident, as her family whisperingly called it behind her back, a huge chunk of her character had crawled deep inside her body and was too terrified to come out. Being well meaning and good-natured had been the cause of it, after all, so it was hardly any wonder Bella was reluctant to be so trusting again around a man. Or feel comfortable in crowds. Or go outside alone, for that matter, where danger lurked. Perhaps coming here unaccompanied had been foolhardy. Hasty. She should turn around and get back in the carriage...
You are pathetic! the real her screamed. You managed to live twenty years without coming to any harm at all. You cannot let one incident dictate the way you live your life.
The voice of the real her had been becoming louder and louder for months now. A constant voice in her head which emboldened her to remain hopeful and determined. From its cave inside her soul, it parried with pithy retorts, tackled problems with a level, logical and practical head, revelled in irony, argued against idiocy whilst constantly issuing witty and sometimes hilarious comments about the world around her. That voice might not yet be strong enough to make its way up her vocal chords and out of her once-tart mouth, but it was there. Somewhere. Chivvying her on.
Those foundlings need you. And think of all the wonderful things you are learning.
Bella set her jaw and stared across the crowded square. Those sick foundlings did need her—she was discovering so much about medicine in the infirmary that the hours flew by. For the first time in her life she was doing something she had always yearned to do, something which would have been frowned upon in London, so she had never been able to pursue it. But sleepy Retford wasn’t London and as it was unlikely any of her parents’ society acquaintances would ever hear of it, and because her mama and papa had been delighted Bella had finally found some interest in life again, they had allowed her to volunteer.
Gently bred young ladies were not supposed to find the study of anatomy or healing interesting, yet spending time with those children, learning about what ailed them and the best way to treat it, was one of the most rewarding things Bella had ever done. She had a sneaking suspicion it was her calling, her vocation, and that she had always been meant to be a nurse. Finally, she was putting into practice all the things she had read in the scientific journals she had always devoured like biscuits. It also gave her enough purpose that she quite forgot to be petrified for huge chunks of the day. What was that, if it was not progress? Frankly, she was counting the minutes until she could be back there, roll up her sleeves and help those poor cherubs get better.
All she had to do was walk across this market square alone. Because Bella was tired of always being frightened and the real her was right. Living in fear smacked of surrender and she was determined never to let that bad man win.
She forced herself to smile politely at one of the market traders who greeted her, ignoring the irrational panic which occurred whenever she was close to a man. If she had been a little more observant and a little less terrified, she would have noticed the precarious basket of potatoes on his stall. But because she was feeling exposed and her tenuous grasp on logic was slipping, she did not see the laden basket topple, nor did she see a surge of muddy potatoes as they cascaded from the table like a waterfall and rolled haphazardly across the ground towards her. Too late, Bella turned, allowing a couple of the careening vegetables the opportunity to disappear, like mice in a haystack, beneath her trailing skirts and tangle hopelessly beneath her feet.
Her body lunged sideways when she stepped on one. Her heavy basket tilted, aiding gravity to pull her towards the floor at an alarming rate. Bella landed awkwardly on her front with enough force to knock all her breath from her lungs. The subsequent sharp pain in her ankle brought tears to her eyes. The palms of her hands, now muddied, burned angrily in protest. The puddles floating on the hard cobblestones were already seeping through her clothing whilst humiliation relentlessly seeped into her soul. If there was one thing Bella now hated above all others, it was being the centre of attention when invisible was safe.
Several market traders and locals rushed to her aid, but she assured them that she was quite all right and tried to stand. White-hot pain shot up her leg and forced her to remain exactly where she was. To make matters worse, she helplessly watched the back of the Braxton carriage turn out of the market square as it headed home and her only means of escaping this dreadful spectacle leaving with it. She smiled weakly at the growing crowd of onlookers and tried to pull together the tattered shreds of her dignity whilst fighting the panic of being at the mercy of others. Most of them male.
‘My lady—I am so sorry.’ The stallholder twisted his felt cap in his hands nervously. ‘Are you seriously hurt? Shall I fetch Dr Warriner? His office is just across the square.’
Mortified by the prospect of even greater humiliation in front of the brilliant Dr Warriner, Bella shook her head. The very last person she wanted to witness her clumsy stupidity was the handsome doctor. The man who, despite being a man, made her silly heart flutter every single time he spoke to her, thus rendering her mostly mute. Probably because of his brilliance, rather than his handsomeness, but it was difficult to be sure. ‘That will not be necessary—I think I will be able to stand in a moment or two.’ She would crawl home if she had to.
Two things soon became apparent. Firstly, standing was an impossibility. Bella tried three times and each time fresh, blinding pain shot up her leg and brought tears to her eyes. Secondly, despite her protests to the contrary, somebody had called the good doctor after all. The crowd of onlookers were parting like the Red Sea and he was suddenly striding purposefully towards her.
‘It’s just my ankle... I would prefer you not to waste your time on such a triviality.’ Bella tried to push herself up once again using her hands