‘I always wanted to be a writer,’ she said as she took the tissues he offered and blew her nose. ‘Of great novels, of course. But I ended up writing for the red tops instead. I’m a tabloid writer. A hack.’ She glanced over at Colm. ‘You don’t have any fags, do you?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t smoke, sorry.’
‘Shame...I could really do with one right now.’ She sighed and rested her forehead against the window, watching as her breath fogged the glass. ‘I was resigned to life as a paparazzo, staking out coffee shops and lurking in airport lounges in hopes of scoring an interview or a photo of Gwyneth or Madonna or Dominic, smoking too many fags, and waiting – for the interview that’d be my ticket out of hackdom, for a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
‘For a long time I felt dead inside. I still do. But I can function. I can eat, and sleep, and carry on a conversation, just like this ‒ but inside, I’ve nothing left. It was my fault, Colm.’ She looked at him with an anguished expression. ‘I insisted we go to that fucking Christmas party. If I hadn’t, the accident would never have happened, and David would still be alive. How do I live with that? How?’ And she began to weep again.
‘Listen to me, Helen,’ Colm said, his voice low but firm. ‘You can’t blame yourself. Would’ve, might’ve, could’ve...they’re useless words. It happened, and that’s unfortunate. It’s fucking sad, and I’m truly sorry you had to go through it. But it isn’t your fault. You were only doing what you thought was best for the man you loved.’
They drove back to the castle in silence. Words had become unnecessary between them. As she gazed out the window at the snow-covered fields, Helen was glad she’d ended up at Draemar, grateful for Colm’s silent but reassuring presence.
As the castle loomed into view, she leant forward. ‘Oh, look. We have a visitor.’
Colm glanced up and saw a battered grey Volvo estate car parked in the curve of the drive.
‘Do you recognize it?’ Helen asked.
‘I do.’ He drew the truck to a stop behind the Volvo and opened his door, but offered nothing further.
‘Well, tell me, then – whose is it?’ she demanded.
Before he could answer, the front door swung open, and a tall woman in a grey Chanel twinset and pearls fixed them both with a gimlet eye.
‘Young man,’ she said in imperious, Scottish-accented tones, ‘kindly remove that truck from the drive and park it elsewhere. There’s a service entrance behind the kitchen for that express purpose. And use the servants’ entrance when you come inside.’
Helen flicked a glance at Colm, half expecting him to give the woman a piece of his mind; but he only tightened his jaw, nodded curtly, and said, ‘I’ll take care of it straight away, Lady Campbell,’ and turned and got back in the truck.
With a slam of the door, he was off, leaving Helen alone to face the Chanel-clad gorgon awaiting her on the doorstep.
‘And who might you be?’ the woman asked. Although her tone was polite, her glance as it raked briefly over Helen’s trousers, boots, and puffa jacket clearly indicated that she found the outfit wanting. She refrained from remarking on Helen’s red, puffy eyes.
‘Helen Thomas,’ she said as she made her way up the front steps and held out her hand. ‘I’m here at Tarquin and Wren’s invitation.’
‘Indeed?’ She reached out, and her fingers as they clasped Helen’s were long and knotty, but her grip was surprisingly firm. ‘Then I’m pleased to make your acquaintance. I’m Evelyn Campbell, Archibald’s mother. Come in, Miss Thomas.’
As Helen preceded the woman inside, a dun-coloured Labrador lumbered into sight, its tail wagging. She bent down to pat his head. ‘What a lovely dog! Is he yours?’
‘Yes. I take him everywhere I go. He’s my constant companion now that my husband’s gone.’
‘What’s his name?’
‘Archie.’ Her eyes twinkled. ‘It causes a wee bit of confusion round here whenever I call him.’
‘I can imagine.’
‘Grandmama!’
Helen looked up to see Caitlin bounding down the stairs, Coco trotting behind her. The moment the two dogs spotted one another they set up a chorus of barking and growling.
‘Oh, do be quiet, Coco,’ Caitlin admonished as she picked the tiny dog up and lifted her, still growling, to her chest. ‘It’s only Archie.’ She leant forward and gave her grandmother a dutiful peck on the cheek. ‘When did you get back, Gram? I thought you were still in Edinburgh.’
‘I finished my shopping and visited all of my friends...or what’s left of them. It’s most depressing to hold visits with one’s friends in a churchyard.’ She glanced at Helen, then back at her granddaughter. ‘I’d like a word with you, Caitlin Morag, if you please.’
Caitlin’s face fell. ‘Now? Only, I’m about to go for a walk outside with Jeremy...’
‘Your walk,’ Lady Campbell said firmly as Jeremy came down the stairs, ‘and your young man, can wait.’ She turned to Helen. ‘You’ll excuse us, I hope, Miss Thomas?’
‘Of course,’ Helen assured her. ‘I’ve work to be doing, at any rate. It was lovely to meet you, Lady Campbell.’
‘And you, my dear.’
‘Jeremy,’ Caitlin said as she turned to him, ‘will you be a lamb and wait outside for me? I need a quick word with Grandmama. I’ll be out soon, I promise.’
He nodded. ‘I’ll go and warm up the car.’ He gave her grandmother a polite nod and went across the hall to the door, and left.
‘He seems a nice enough young man,’ Lady Campbell observed doubtfully as she watched him depart.
‘He is. He’s a good friend.’
Without further comment the older woman made her way across the hall to the library. Caitlin trailed behind her with Coco in her arms.
‘Now, then,’ Lady Campbell announced as she closed the library doors behind them, ‘it’s time you and I talked plainly, young lady.’
Caitlin set the dog down and perched uneasily on the edge of a chair. ‘Have...have Mum and Dad spoken to you?’
‘Indeed they have. They told me all about your expulsion from university. What, exactly, is going on? I want the truth, mind, not the load of bollocks you told your parents.’
For a moment there was silence. Caitlin sighed. ‘The truth is, I got booted because I was...involved with someone.’
‘Involved? With whom?’ her grandmother demanded. ‘Since I’m aware that college girls these days have—’ she cleared her throat, ‘intimate relations, and on a fairly regular basis, I can’t help but wonder why your involvement with another student would cause such a fuss?’
Caitlin was silent.
Lady Campbell broke off as her confusion cleared. ‘Oh. Oh, I think perhaps I begin to see, now.’
Caitlin’s eyes widened. ‘You do?’
Her grandmother sat down across from her and reached out to take her hands. ‘Are you – are you one of those...lesbians, my dear?’ she whispered, scandalized.
‘What? No!’ Caitlin exclaimed. ‘My God, Gram! How do you even know about such things?’
‘I’m elderly, my