The silence that greeted her admission made her look at him in surprise. Ian had bent forward and was reading the circled advertisements with a fixed expression. He raised his head to meet her gaze, and his lips thinned. “You are seriously looking for a domestic position.”
Mary was confused at his obvious disapproval. She raised her chin. “I am considering taking a position, yes.”
“But why, when there is no need for you to do anything so extreme?”
She stiffened, refusing to look at him again. Mary would not allow him to influence her with those eyes. “I will do as I think best.”
His reply was cold. “I see. You may of course do as you will. But may I be so bold as to say that if this is really what you want to do, then it is doubly important for you to be with your friends now. For Victoria’s sake as well as your own you should spend some time with her before leaving. I wish you would not stay away from Briarwood simply because I am a guest there.”
Mary could think of no reply to this. She rose to her full height, albeit on trembling legs. “I appreciate your concern for me in the matter of Victoria. It is very kind of you. And now I must ask you to leave. There is no further need for you to stay. You have done more than anyone could have asked of you.”
He bowed. “As you wish, Miss Fulton. Don’t bother to see me out. I am quite capable of finding my way.”
As she heard the front door close behind Ian, Mary unhappily found herself recalling how she had clung to him as he carried her, how she had been more than willing to allow him to find the way for both of them. Mary gave herself a mental shake. She would not think about that. She must stand on her own feet. There was nothing to be gained in relying on this man. Nothing could come of a liaison between them, nothing but ruin for herself.
Yet his words about her last opportunities to be with Victoria kept ringing in her mind. She had not thought about the way her absence would feel to her friend. And it was quite unlike her to ignore the feelings of others. Much of her time was spent ministering to the poor and needy in the village. How could she ever forget to consider her dearest friend?
Should she then not spend what could possibly be her last remaining weeks at Carlisle wisely? To use Ian Sinclair’s previous questionable behavior as reason to avoid going to Briarwood seemed unreasonable. He had not tried to take any untoward advantage of her at this meeting. He had been the soul of propriety. It was her own thoughts of him that had been inappropriate.
Should she allow her unacceptable attraction to this man to keep her from her friends? Mary had failed at conquering her fear of going up into the tower. Was she to fail in overcoming her fear of her own attraction to Ian Sinclair?
Before she could allow herself time to reconsider, Mary penned a note and gave one of the Anderson twins, who lived on the other side of the lane, a coin to take it up to the manor house for her.
She then went up to her room at the back of the house. It was a simple chamber, the only furnishings being the bed, a heavy oaken wardrobe, a night table and a chair. But the walls had been painted her favorite shade of pale pink and the counterpane was patterned with tiny red pansies. As she opened the door, the breeze from the open window brushed the ends of the lace curtains across the hardwood floor.
For a moment she paused in the narrow doorway, knowing she would miss this room very much. She had grown up here, conjured her own girlish fantasies of a happy future, a man to love her, children, a comfortable home with a garden, of course.
With a self-deprecating shake of her head she pushed the thoughts aside. None of that was to be, and she’d best get used to it.
With this thought fixed firmly in her mind, Mary went to the wardrobe and took out the one fashionable dress she owned. The rose pink gown with its full hooped skirts and low scooped neckline had been a completely impractical Christmas gift from Victoria. Though she wore the hooped confection only to Briarwood, she was secretly quite pleased to own it. Even a simple vicar’s daughter felt the occasional need to look fashionable and attractive.
With an unmistakable flutter in her stomach, Mary alighted from the carriage Victoria had sent for her. She told herself that she was quite overreacting. This night was no different than any other she had spent at Briarwood. An image of Ian Sinclair’s sardonic grin came to mind. Determinedly she pushed it away.
The footman opened the door immediately and reached for her wrap as she stepped into the grand foyer. As always, Mary sent a quick glance and prayer of thanks up to the cherub-painted ceiling. As a little girl she had thought those little angels were sent specially by God to look after her and her friend. Even though she now knew it was not true, they being the work of a gifted but mortal artist, Mary could not quite break the habit. And for some reason she had the sense that she needed their protection now as much as ever she had before.
Victoria came down the wide formal staircase at that very moment. She held out her hands. “Mary, I’m so glad you’ve come.”
Mary nodded, taking her outstretched hands and kissing her taller, elegantly gowned and coiffured friend on the cheek. “You are beautiful, Victoria,” she said. And it was true. The pregnancy had not detracted from Victoria’s loveliness in the least. Her dark hair was shining with good health and her cheeks bore a fresh rosy tint.
Victoria hugged her and led her along the hall to her favorite sitting room. “Jedidiah and Ian are out in the stables admiring the mare Jedidiah bought from Ian for my birthday. Wait until you see her. She’ll be a perfect mount after the baby comes. Until then you are more than welcome to ride her. It will be much easier for you to do so, of course, once you finish packing things up at the vicarage and come to us.”
So Ian Sinclair had not told them of her decision. For some reason this made Mary feel a grudging gratitude toward him. Obviously he was not one of those aristocrats for whom gossip was a favorite sport.
But Mary did not wish to think favorably of Ian Sinclair, nor did she wish to discuss her future right now. She knew Victoria was going to try to convince her to stay. Her kind nature was one of the reasons Mary loved her. For this one evening Mary wanted to forget her troubles. Thus she remained silent.
They went into the sitting room and settled themselves on the pale green settee. Just as she turned to Mary again, Victoria raised startled brows and placed a hand on her swollen abdomen. “My, that was the strongest kick yet.”
Mary gazed at her friend in awe as she watched the delicate fabric of Victoria’s pale lilac gown bulge a moment later. “Was that the baby?” What must it be like to have something alive inside you? Mary marveled. To feel your own child moving?
The ebony-haired woman gave a rueful laugh. “I’m afraid it was.” As if sensing her friend’s question, she asked, “Would you like to feel it?”
Mary’s golden eyes widened. “Oh, Victoria, might I?” At her friend’s nod, she said, “I would like nothing better.” Placing her hand over the spot Victoria showed her, Mary was rewarded a moment later as a firm thump met her palm. She gave a startled laugh, tears springing to her eyes. “Victoria, it is amazing.”
Victoria smiled indulgently as she ran a loving hand over her stomach, giving away the real emotions inside her even as she spoke with irony. “You would not think so in the middle of the night. The little one has even begun to wake up Jedidiah.” A look of loving contentment came into her face. “But he does not seem to mind. He lights a candle and talks to baby until it settles back down. Even if it takes hours. He says he does not wish to miss another moment of my confinement, having already lost too much time in his trip to America. Oh, Mary, I am so fortunate to have him love me. I never thought life could be so perfect. Every moment with him is precious, especially when I thought we might never come