When it was done, he set the knife back on the table, a flicker of light gleaming off the blade. There were traces of his blood upon it, but he didn’t care.
He poured more water into the wooden bowl, using his palms to spill more of it over his head, the droplets washing away the blood. The remaining water in the bowl rippled, then fell still. In the reflection, he saw his angry features, the monster who lived for violence. A man who no longer cared if he lived or died.
A man who looked like one of the Vikings.
Trahern wanted to hurl the bowl across the room, because he wanted nothing to do with them. They were savage murderers, not men. He loathed the fact that their appearances were similar.
It shouldn’t have surprised him, for his great-uncle Tharand had been a Lochlannach, as well as his mother’s father. Even so, he’d never truly compared himself to the foreigners. But when he’d battled against Gunnar, for the first time he’d not looked down upon his enemy. They were the same height, the same build. It bothered him more than he cared to admit.
Jesu, how could he even consider bringing Morren into their settlement? She’d endured enough suffering. It was best to leave her here, where she wouldn’t have to face the men who had harmed her.
But then he’d never know who the raiders were. Without her, he couldn’t identify them. Trahern gritted his teeth, fingering his dagger before sheathing the blade. There was no choice but to bring her.
He risked a glance at her sleeping form on the opposite side of the guest house. Like a ghostly spirit, Morren appeared caught between the worlds of the living and the dead. Though she claimed she wanted to live, to take care of her sister, after the horror she had endured he wondered if she would ever find contentment in her life.
She rolled over, her golden hair veiling one cheek. She slept with her hands clenched on the coverlet, as though she were still trying to defend herself.
He wondered if she preferred him to sleep far away from her. Or was it better to remain nearby, to keep her safe, if any other guests arrived at the monastery?
To avoid making a decision, he spent time clearing away the dishes and leftover food. Silence descended over the abbey, with all the monks asleep until vigils, which would begin in a few hours.
He chose the pallet furthest from Morren, deciding it would make her more comfortable. Stretching out on the fur coverlet, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.
In his mind, he saw Ciara’s face. Her spirit haunted him, with a smile that tore him apart.
I love you, she’d whispered in his ear on the morning he’d left. He’d kissed her goodbye, never suspecting that it was the last time he’d ever hold her in his arms. So many things he’d never said. He hadn’t told her that he’d loved her. And now, she’d never know it.
He shifted restlessly on his pallet and turned to find Morren watching him.
‘I can’t sleep,’ she confessed. ‘I’ve tried, but I’m too worried about Jilleen.’
Trahern stood and crossed the room, sitting down upon one of the pallets close by. He stretched out beside her, careful to keep a physical distance from her. He propped up his head on one elbow, watching her. ‘Are you afraid of visiting the Lochlannach?’
Her mouth tightened, and she nodded. ‘Yes. I know Gunnar said she wasn’t a captive, but if that were true, why didn’t she come back? Why didn’t they send their healer?’
‘I don’t know. But we’ll find out tomorrow.’ He studied her, and her blue eyes filled with worry. ‘If you’d feel safer staying behind, I promise I’ll bring her back to you.’
Morren sat up, drawing her knees close. ‘You shouldn’t go alone.’ Her arms tightened around her knees, and she lowered her forehead. He suspected she didn’t trust him to keep his word from the way she wouldn’t meet his gaze.
‘I wish I were stronger,’ she continued. ‘I’m afraid that the longer I wait, the more danger Jilleen faces. If it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t have left.’
‘Tomorrow,’ he promised. ‘We’ll get her back.’ A grim feeling slid over him, and he added, ‘I suppose we should have kept Gunnar as a hostage.’
‘No. You were right to release him.’ She met his gaze. ‘And I rather doubt the monks would have allowed it.’
He shot her a sidelong smile. ‘No? Perhaps with a generous gift to the monastery, they would turn a blind eye.’
Morren shook her head, her mouth softening. Clearly she thought he was teasing, and though that wasn’t entirely true, it eased the tension. ‘Gunnar owes you a debt now,’ she added. ‘It may keep us both safe.’
‘The Lochlannach have no honour.’
She started to speak, but fell silent, almost as if she wanted to argue with him but had changed her mind.
Trahern leaned back, staring at the ceiling. ‘I don’t like bringing you there. I think you should stay here at the abbey.’
‘I’ll be all right. With each day, my strength improves.’
He didn’t think it was enough. ‘We’ll borrow horses. And if there’s any sign of danger, I’m sending you back.’ He could defend them long enough for her to get to safety, of that he was certain.
Morren laid back down, and he wondered suddenly why the monks had left them alone in the guest house. In an intimate space such as this, it seemed too close. He could smell the fragrance of Morren’s skin, like crushed rosemary. It intrigued him, and he found himself staring at her. Her features were soft, with clear blue eyes and fair hair that fell below her shoulders, as though she’d cut it a few years back. Her nose had a slight tilt, an imperfection that drew his attention to her mouth.
He forced his gaze away, rising from the pallet and stalking towards the fire. He added more peat, regaining control of his errant thoughts. What was the matter with him? He supposed his response was because he hadn’t been with anyone since Ciara. He wasn’t a damned monk, able to shut out his body’s instincts.
‘Are you all right?’ Morren asked, sitting up again.
‘Yes.’ He poked at the fire, though it needed no tending. ‘I wanted to ensure that the fire would last for the night.’
He returned to the pallet, rolling onto his stomach. He did his best to shut her out, but he sensed she was still awake.
‘I’d ask you to tell me more of your story,’ she murmured, ‘but I can see that you’re tired.’
Sleep was the furthest thing from his mind. ‘In the morning, perhaps.’ He could easily have continued the tale of Eithne and Dagda, but telling stories would only intensify the connection with her. And the truth was, he didn’t want her watching him with those blue eyes. Though he had no intention of laying a finger upon her, he couldn’t deny that she was beautiful.
‘It was a sword,’ she said softly.
‘What was?’
‘Ciara. You asked me how she died, and I promised to tell you if you helped my sister.’
His fingers dug into the pallet, his lungs tight. He couldn’t speak, feeling as though a stone were crushing him. But the need to know was greater than his desire for secrets.
‘She was cut down by one of their swordsmen,’ Morren said. ‘I don’t think he meant to strike her, but she was fleeing behind the man when he swung his weapon.’
‘Did she suffer?’ He couldn’t stop the question, though he feared the answer.
‘It was quick.’
The words granted him a slight reprieve, but he didn’t release his tight grip upon the pallet. Though he’d give anything in his power to have Ciara back, if she’d