‘Oh!’ She forgot her manners completely, spoke with her mouth still full as she took her first taste. ‘It’s amazing.’
It was. The fish was mild and so fresh it might just as well have jumped out of the ocean and landed on her plate, yet the marinade…Cate was not particularly into food unless it was called ice cream, but there was a riot happening on her tongue.
‘It is very fresh…’ Juan took a bite ‘…and my mother’s chimichurri is the best.’
‘I think I’m having another orgasm,’ Cate said.
‘Oh, you will later,’ Juan said. ‘And you won’t think, you’ll know.’
But there was only so much you could say about fish and, with sex out of the way, conversation turned a touch awkward at first. They knew little about each other, and it was supposed to be that way, Cate told herself, but she couldn’t help asking about his homeland when he spoke briefly about it.
‘Do you miss it?’
‘No,’ Juan admitted. ‘I speak to my family a lot and to my friends, of course.’
‘What made you decide to travel?’
‘The woman who rings…’ There was a tight swallow in Cate’s throat as she found out a little about the man. ‘Martina. We were engaged but it didn’t work out. I think when any relationship ends you start to question things,’ Juan said. ‘Don’t you?’
‘I guess.’ Cate took a swallow of her wine.
‘Did you?’ Juan pushed, when normally he didn’t. Normally he didn’t want to know more, but with Cate he did.
‘A bit.’ Cate gave a slightly nervous lick of her lips and put down her knife and fork. ‘That really was delicious.’ She tried to change the subject, but Juan pushed on.
‘Really, my parents were never pushy with my education. They thought I would join them in the family business but I wanted to do medicine, so I spent a lot of time studying as well as working part time for them. I never really took some time to do other things I wanted.’ He gave a small shrug. ‘Now seemed like a good idea. I think it is good to step back. It is very easy to get caught up in the rat race…’
Cate shook her head. ‘I don’t see it as a rat race. I have no desire to step off.’
‘None?’
Cate took a deep breath, felt the bubble of disquiet she regularly quashed rise to the surface. ‘I’m not sure that I’m happy at work.’ She looked at his grey unblinking eyes. ‘I’m not unhappy, but sometimes…’ Her voice trailed off and Juan filled the silence.
‘Is that why you considered being a paramedic?’
Cate nodded. ‘But it’s not for me.’
‘What is for you?’
‘I’m working that out,’ Cate admitted. ‘Don’t you miss anaesthesia?’
‘No,’ Juan admitted. ‘I expected that I would and I admit I enjoyed looking after Jason the other day, but I don’t miss it as much as I thought I might. I had a lot of ego,’ Juan said, then halted, not wanting to go there. ‘I like Emergency, that was where I started, then I did anaesthesia and was invited to a senior role. I enjoyed it, but being back in Emergency I realise how I enjoy that too.’
‘And your fiancée?’
‘Ex.’
‘Who still calls regularly.’
Juan grinned. ‘She misses me, can you blame her?’
‘Did it end suddenly?’ Cate knew she was teetering outside the strange rules of a non-relationship—it was just that she wanted to know more about him.
‘Yes.’
‘Were you…?’ Cate’s voice trailed off.
‘I can’t answer a question if you don’t ask it.’
‘Were you cheating?’
‘No,’ Juan said. ‘I took our engagement seriously. It was ended by mutual agreement—now it would seem that she has some regrets.’
Cate looked at him, looked at that full mouth, slightly taut now, saw a flicker of pain in his eyes. He wasn’t over her, Cate knew it.
And Martina wasn’t over him, Cate could guarantee that. Imagine having that heart and losing it?
‘All I’ve learnt is that nothing lasts for ever,’ Juan said. ‘So enjoy what you have now, live in the moment…’
‘Well, that’s where we’re different,’ Cate said, hoping that he’d leave things there, but Juan did not. His hand reached across the table and took her tense one.
‘Why so cautious?’
She looked up, looked at him, and he saw the tiny creases form beside her eyes.
‘We’re just talking,’ Juan said lightly, but he wanted to know more.
‘Having three brothers makes you so…’ She attempted to sound dismissive but it was an impossible task. ‘All my brothers were quite wild, but my middle brother decided to steal a car with his girlfriend when he was eighteen,’ Cate said. ‘I was nine. He nearly killed his girlfriend—I just remember the chaos, the hospital, the court cases, what it did to Mum and Dad…“Thank God for Cate,” Mum and Dad always said. I never caused them a moment’s worry, I guess it became who I thought I was…’ She looked back up. ‘Now I’m trying to find out who I am. So, yes…’ She gave a tight smile. ‘I guess the end of a relationship makes you examine things.’
She was trying not to examine things a little later as they headed to his bedroom and she saw that huge white bed. She was trying to live in the now—except she knew she would remember and miss him for ever.
He undressed her and she was more nervous than when she’d arrived at his door as he took off his boots, as he kicked them to the floor, because a night in his arms was simply not enough.
He pulled her to the bed.
‘You’re shaking?’
‘I…’ She didn’t know what to say. In Juan’s world the bedroom wasn’t the place to tell him you had the terrifying feeling that you loved him. ‘The air-conditioning,’ Cate said, and she lay there as he went to turn it down, lay in his bed and replayed his words, told herself she could just enjoy what they had now.
As he climbed into bed and started to kiss her, at first her response was tentative. It was too late to be chaste, Cate told herself, and, yes, there was the heaven of his touch.
She felt the skin of his back beneath her fingers, felt the strength of his arms pulling her closer, and she was a mire of contrary feelings, because she wanted this and yet she was scared to give in. His tongue was as necessary as water to her mouth, his scent embedded in her head for ever and his touch almost more than her heart could handle. Her hands moved over his shoulder, to his neck and then her fingers paused, felt the ridge at the back of his neck. Then Juan’s hands were there, moving hers away.
Again.
Her eyes opened to him and they stared for a moment, still kissing, but a part of him was out of bounds and he felt her withdraw, knew that tonight was about to end, and he didn’t want it to, so Juan moved to save it.
Cate felt the shift in him. It was more than physical—he dragged her back to him, not with passion but with self; he just brought her back to him with his mouth.
He kissed down her neck and to her breasts and Juan lost himself for a moment, just lingered. He wanted her hot beneath him, he wanted them both sated, or he usually did, but tonight he let himself pause. He tasted her skin and licked and caressed with his mouth and then moved down.