‘That’s young to be a widow.’
‘Don’t waste any sympathy, I had a terrible marriage,’ Elsie said. ‘You can call me the merry widow if you must, but I was just sick of feeling like I was in my daughter’s way and being told what to do. I took myself off to France—I’d always wanted to go and I was so glad I did. We had one week together and I had the best time of my whole life!’ She pointed to a large silver bezel-set amethyst ring on her finger. ‘No regrets from me,’ Elsie said. ‘We had completely different lives, it would never have worked long term but we kept in touch a little bit. He sent me a card now and then, and when he died ten years ago I went back and visited his grave and thanked him.’
She opened the album and showed Cate a picture of the love of her life, a love that had lasted just a few days.
‘Have you ever been adored?’ Elsie asked, and Cate frowned as she met Elsie’s pale blue eyes.
‘I don’t think so,’ Cate admitted, as the reason for her break-up was delivered to her, as the word she had needed was revealed.
‘I highly recommend it,’ Elsie said. ‘Have you ever adored anyone?’
And Cate faltered. ‘Adored?’
‘It’s a rare kind of love,’ Elsie said, ‘and I got to taste it.’
‘Was it worth it, though, Elsie?’ Cate asked. ‘Lugging a broken heart around for the rest of your life.’
‘My heart wasn’t broken.’ Elsie smiled. ‘It soars every time I think of him.’
Cate’s heart wasn’t soaring, though, as Juan pulled her aside a while later and warned ‘for the third time’ that she had to have a word with the nursing staff and receptionist and remind them about privacy on the phone. They were not to reveal any of the staff rosters.
It was the closest she had come to seeing him angry or, rather, very disgruntled.
And so too was Cate, as she had a word with the staff as per Juan’s instructions!
There she was, mopping up the chaos of his love life. It was a relief not to have slept with him.
Then she saw him laughing with Elsie, chatting with her as she was waiting to be moved to the ward, just standing by her gurney and putting a smile on the old lady’s face. She was in a white hospital gown now, all the rings and jewellery off, but she had her pink shawl around her shoulders and was smiling as she showed him pictures.
No, it was no relief not to have slept with him.
It was simply self-preservation.
‘CATE?’
Cate heard her name being called over her side gate as she hung out her uniform. She was in a rush, she’d just come out of the shower and, yet again, she was driving, so she really didn’t have much time. But that never stopped Bridgette, who would chat happily as Cate got ready.
‘Come over, Bridgette, but I can’t chat for long.’
‘Going out?’
Cate nodded. ‘Yes, and I have no idea what to wear.’
They headed into the kitchen and Cate put on the kettle and did her usual thing with tea and ice—it was the only way to get through the long hot summer. Then they headed upstairs to decide what Cate should wear. ‘I need a new wardrobe,’ Cate sighed.
‘So do I.’
‘No, I really need one,’ Cate said. ‘Everything I’ve got I wore when I was going out with Paul. I’ve got my black dress, my going-out-for-dinner dress, the dress I wore when I met his family…’ It was hard to explain.
‘What about this?’ Bridgette pointed out Cate’s lilac skirt.
‘It’s the one new thing I have but I wore it last week.’
‘Are you missing him?’
‘No,’ Cate said. ‘And then I feel guilty that I don’t.’
‘So who’s this other guy?’
Cate was about to shake her head but there was no chance of Bridgette meeting Juan and it would be so nice to get her advice—even if she had no intention of taking it! Bridgette was a lot more open-minded than Cate and always made her laugh.
‘There’s a casual doctor at work,’ Cate said. ‘He’s from Argentina and is travelling for a year or two…’
‘Nothing wrong with a younger man.’
‘He’s not younger, though,’ Cate said, because, yes, most doctors were in their twenties when they travelled the world. ‘He’s in his mid-thirties, I think. It sounds like he had a really good job and then just took off…’
‘He’s a bit young to be having a mid-life crisis.’
‘He’s not in crisis!’ Cate laughed. ‘He’s having a ball. He’s stunning, everyone fancies him, he makes no bones that he’s moving on soon and that he’s not interested in anything serious, not that it stops anyone.’ She paused for a moment. ‘He works all over Melbourne and from what I saw today he’s having just as much fun at the other hospitals as he is at Bayside, but…’ Cate took a breath ‘…we get on, he likes me…’
‘And you clearly like him.’
Cate nodded. ‘He leaves the country soon so it’s not going anywhere except bed…’ She looked at Bridgette. ‘And that’s just not me.’
‘Who knows where it could lead?’
‘No.’ Cate shook her head. ‘That’s the one thing I can’t let myself think. The whole point is, it will go nowhere and I don’t know if I can get my head around that.’
‘You take things so seriously.’
‘I know I do,’ Cate said. ‘I don’t want to, but I do. I want to be carefree, I want to just let loose and have fun and live a little…’
‘Then do.’
To Bridgette it was that simple.
Maybe, Cate thought, it could be.
She thought of Elsie and her one wild fling, thought of Juan, who was, quite simply, beautiful, and she felt as if she was standing on the edge of a diving board and peering down.
She wanted to have done it, wanted to be climbing out of the water, high from the thrill. It was just throwing herself over the edge that Cate was struggling to come to terms with.
‘I’ve got a dress you can have,’ Bridgette said. ‘It’s too big for me but it would look great on you. It’s still got the tags on. Go and get ready and I’ll fetch it.’
They borrowed and swapped things all the time. Bridgette was always buying and selling things on the internet. Cate did her make-up until Bridgette returned.
‘Oh!’ She stared at the dress. ‘White?’
‘First after Paul.’ Bridgette winked. ‘You need sexy undies.’
Cate opened her top drawer and let out a sigh. Juan was right, her relationship with Paul had gone on too long—two years in and they’d long since passed the sexy underwear stage.
‘You are joking?’ Bridgette said, as Cate pulled out some rather plain white panties. ‘You’d be better off not wearing any!’
Well, that wasn’t going to happen—so she had to wear the sensible ones.
Cate never usually wore white, but when she put it on she found it suited her. The dress tied under the bust and scooped a little too low and certainly,