“I’m a jackass, Katie-bug,” he said with a laugh then cringed when she didn’t correct him. “But I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted you to be happy. I came here because... I guess it doesn’t matter why. I want to be a better friend if you’ll let me.” He shut his eyes for a moment, clenched his fists then focused on her. “Even if that means vetting your dates for you.”
She arched one eyebrow, a look so out of place and yet so perfect on her he had to fight not to reach for her again.
“Matt Davis is a good guy.”
Her eyes narrowed. “How do you know my date’s name?”
“I asked around.” He shrugged. “I’m sorry if I cut your night short. I’m sorry I keep doing things that make me have to apologize to you.” He flashed a smile. “Good night, Katie.”
He stepped around her onto the porch steps.
“Noah?”
He turned. His name on her tongue was soft. The same tenderness that had annoyed him earlier from his mother now made him want to melt against Katie. To beg her not to give up on him.
“I’ll be praying for your mom tomorrow.” She wrapped her arms tight around herself as if she was also trying to hold herself back. “And you.”
He gave a quick jerk of his head in response then took off into the night. He couldn’t stand there and let her watch his eyes fill with tears. Her kindness slayed him, made him want and wish for things that weren’t going to be. Even now, as he moved down the quiet street, Tater’s breathing soft at his side, he wanted to run. The feelings that had bubbled to the surface at his mom’s house earlier were still churning inside of him. It was part of what had driven him to Katie tonight.
After his mom and Emily had gone to bed, the farmhouse had been so quiet that Noah’s mind had gone into overdrive. Thinking and remembering. Two pastimes he’d tried like hell to avoid the past decade. His job kept him moving and he surrounded himself with friends—and women—during his downtime. Noah was always up for a good time as long as there were no strings attached. It was what had affected his friendship with Katie. Like his mom, she wanted more from him. She knew the serious stuff, the demons that haunted him, and it had been easier to keep her at arm’s length than to see himself fail at living up to her expectations.
But he couldn’t run any longer. He was tethered to this town and to the women in his life by an unbreakable, invisible thread. He wasn’t sure whether he had it in him to become what each of them needed, but it was past time he tried.
The next morning dawned far too early. Noah moved on autopilot as he drove his mother along with Emily and Davey toward Denver. His mom tuned the radio to her favorite station, all of them silent as music filled the SUV. He expected Emily to initiate some sort of conversation, but when he glanced at her in the rearview mirror, all her attention was focused on Davey watching a movie on his iPad. Normally the winding drive down into the city calmed Noah, but he hardly noticed the scenery. His mom worked quietly on her knitting until they arrived at the hospital.
She’d already had her pre-op visit and filled out most of the paperwork, so it was only a short wait at registration before she was admitted. They stayed with her until she was moved to the OR, emotion lodging in Noah’s throat as she kissed his cheek.
“I love you, Mom,” he called as they wheeled her through the double doors.
She waved, her smile cheery as she disappeared.
He felt Emily sag against him and wrapped one arm around her shoulders. “She’s going to be fine.”
His sister’s response was to punch him lightly in the stomach. “I know you’re as scared as I am. Don’t act like you aren’t.”
He sighed and closed his eyes, allowing his fear to wash through him for just a moment, testing how it felt, how much of it he could handle. When the feelings rose up and threatened to choke him, he forced them down again. “I’m acting like I believe she’s going to make it through this, Em. I can’t stomach the alternative right now.”
“That’s fair,” she answered softly. “We will get through this.”
“I need to go potty,” Davey announced. The boy stood just a foot away from them, his arms straight at his sides, his gaze fixed on the linoleum squares of the hospital’s tiled floor.
“Let’s go, then, little man.” She glanced at Noah with a halfhearted smile.
“I’ll be in the waiting room.” He watched his sister guide Davey around the corner toward the restrooms, and then he turned and made his way down the hall to the surgical waiting area.
A man stood as he approached. “What are you doing here?” Noah asked.
Jason Crenshaw shrugged. “Where else would I be?” He stepped forward and gave Noah a quick hug. “Meg is the closest thing to a mom I had. You’re like a brother to me. Of course I’m here.”
Jase had been Noah’s best friend since they started second grade, assigned to sit next to each other alphabetically. Noah hated to admit how many tests he’d passed by looking over his friend’s shoulder. Jase had been smart, motivated and intent on doing the right thing all the time—a perfect teacher’s pet and the exact opposite of Noah. But the two had forged an unlikely bond that had seen them through both good times and bad.
Like Katie, Jase saw past his good-old-boy act. Unlike Katie, most of the time he let Noah get away with it. Although Jase hadn’t been athletic as a kid, he’d grown into his body and now stood an inch taller than Noah’s own six foot two. Whenever Noah was in town, he and Jase would find time for some type of extreme outdoor activity—rock climbing in the summer and fall or backcountry snowboarding in the winter. With Jase’s dark hair and glasses covering his hazel eyes, they didn’t look like family, but Jase had always felt like a brother to Noah.
But he’d purposely kept his communication with Jase to texts and voice mails this trip. Jase had been raised by an alcoholic single father and had spent many afternoons, most weekends and even one extended stay with Noah’s family when his dad had finally ended up doing jail time after too many DUIs. Noah knew their close relationship should have made him reach out to Jase, but instead the idea of sharing his pain with his friend had been too much.
Now he realized he’d probably hurt Jase by not including him—another fence to mend during his time in Crimson.
“I’m sorry I haven’t—”
“No apologies,” Jase interrupted. “You get to deal with this however works for you. But I’m going to be here one way or another.”
Noah bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. “I’m glad.”
“How’s your mom holding up?” Jase asked as Noah sat in the chair next to him. The waiting room was almost empty at this early hour, only an older man in a far corner reading the newspaper. That should be his father, Noah thought with a sense of bitterness. His dad should be here now, and the old loss tugged at him again.
“She’s a trouper, like always. She’s happy to have Emily and me under her roof again, even if it’s for such an awful reason.”
“Emily’s here, too?”
Noah glanced up at his friend’s sharp tone. “She came in last week with her son.”
“What about her husband? The politician, right?”
“I hear you’re the local politician now.” Both men looked at Emily, who walked up to where they sat, Davey following close at her heels but still not touching her.
Jase scrambled to his feet. “Hey, Em.” He shoved his hand forward and ended up poking Emily in the stomach as she leaned in to hug him.
Noah