Eloise stared at him so long he started to worry he’d grown an extra head while he’d slept. ‘Did you honestly believe that telling them I was just a meaningless fling would help?’
‘You’re the one who insisted that nobody know!’ Couldn’t she see he’d done the best he could in a bad situation? ‘We both agreed this wasn’t anything serious. Just a fling to kill a few days, right? Get the chemistry out of our system. That’s what we agreed.’ They’d had a deal and he’d stuck to it. He’d protected her—at his own expense! So why was he the bad guy?
And why was Eloise staring at him so sadly, her eyes huge and wet and her cheeks pale?
‘You’re a fool if you still believe that,’ she said softly.
Noah’s whole world tilted, for the second time since he’d met Eloise. What was it about her that kept him permanently off balance? ‘What?’
He could see her throat move as she swallowed, as if she was preparing herself for something hard. Something she didn’t want to do.
‘I know what we agreed, what we said. I was there too.’ She met his gaze head-on and he felt it down to his core, past all those carefully built defences he’d put back up. As if they didn’t exist for her at all. ‘But I want more. And I think you do too. Being with you...it’s so different to anything I’ve ever had before.’
‘Well, yeah,’ he said awkwardly. ‘I mean, it would be. My world, the way I live...it’s a new experience for you, I get that. You’ve been hiding out in this hotel for so long...’
Eloise shook her head violently. ‘That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. I don’t care that you’re a movie star. I don’t care that you’re famous or rich or in demand or even that you’re leaving tomorrow. I care that you spoke to me like you trusted me...that you listened to me when I told you my secrets. I care that you made me see it was okay to come out of my shell, to try new things, to let people see the real me. I care that when you touched me...my whole world lit up.’
‘That’s just sex.’ The defence was automatic. Sex he knew. Sex was safe. The other stuff... Any of that he still had left he needed to save for his next movie role—if he got one that was worth anything at all after this. ‘And the talking...I told you. I wanted to get this part and they needed me to act deep.’
‘Are you honestly trying to tell me that everything between us happened because you wanted to win some role in a film?’ She raised her eyebrows as she stared at him, and he knew it was crazy. Knew that what had happened between them transcended not just his career but his life so far.
And that was why it scared the hell out of him. He’d had something close to this once—and he’d lost it the moment he’d admitted to it.
He wasn’t taking the chance of feeling that pain again.
‘You know us actors,’ he said, shrugging as casually as he could. ‘We’ll do anything for a shot at an award.’ Not that he had a hope of that now—but Eloise didn’t need to know that. If she realised what he’d given up trying to protect her she might read something more into it than there was.
Her mouth actually dropped open. A director would tell her she was overacting, but Noah knew better. Eloise didn’t act. She was who she was, and it was glorious.
But he knew something else too. She didn’t believe she was worth it, and he could use that now. Because looking deeper was one thing. Falling in love was another altogether—it would take him all the way into his soul and out the other side and it could burn him up on the journey. If he wanted to hold onto Eloise, that was what he knew it would take—everything.
And he didn’t have it in him any more.
‘You know, the saddest thing is, you might really believe that,’ Eloise said, her voice soft. ‘You might actually believe that you’re just an actor and it’s all just a role. But you’re wrong. I saw the real you, I know it. And I think we could have been happy. I don’t know how it would have worked, or what would have happened next, but we’d have been happy. And it doesn’t matter now because you won’t even try. You won’t let yourself feel anything as real and as deep as love. Even if it could give you everything that’s been missing for the last seven years.’
‘You’re wrong,’ he said but, even as the words came out, he knew he was lying.
He could have been happy.
But how long for?
‘I’ll see you at the wedding,’ he said. And then he turned and walked out on love. For good.
‘TOLD YOU SHE wouldn’t wear the veil.’ Laurel sidled up to Eloise as they stood outside the ceremony room, waiting for the signal to start the procession. Caitlin and Iona were fussing with Melissa’s train while the bride checked her reflection one last time and straightened the tiara on her—veil-less—head.
‘You were right,’ Eloise said, viewing the proceedings with a strange detachment. As if she were watching the action on a cinema screen, not really part of it at all.
Quite a lot of the last few days seemed like that now, actually.
‘You okay?’ Laurel asked, lowering her clipboard and looking up at her, concern in her eyes. ‘I heard... Well, there’s been a lot of talk this morning.’
‘I’m sure there has,’ Eloise replied serenely. Of course there would be. Everyone staying at Morwen Hall would have woken up to the comedy gold that was her falling out of a cupboard half naked with Noah Cross.
But at least they didn’t know the worst of her humiliation. Noah was right about that—he’d defended her from the mortification of everyone in the world knowing that she’d fallen in love with Noah and been rejected. They were the only two people in the world who knew exactly what had happened between them that week.
In a way, their fling was still a secret. Others might speculate but they’d never know the truth of it.
That mind-set was the only thing that had got her through Melissa’s snide comments and the half jokes and sniggers from the other bridesmaids as they’d got ready together that morning. The make-up artist Melissa had hired had tutted and despaired aloud at the bags under Eloise’s eyes, but some serious application of concealer and other potions from her magic bag of tricks seemed to have hidden them well enough. The icy blue-green dress had been laced tight enough to give her some semblance of curves and her red hair curled and pinned up on the back of her head, leaving her neck bare.
Eloise couldn’t help but feel as if she’d been prepared for an execution.
‘You seem very...calm,’ Laurel said. ‘Serene, even.’
Eloise gave her a small smile and raised one shoulder in a half shrug. ‘What else is there to do?’
‘I suppose.’
She’d realised after Noah left, after she’d wailed and sobbed and thrown things at the door he’d left through, that this was it. The lowest she could go. The whole world knew everything about her that she’d wanted to keep secret, and they probably all thought the worst. Either she was a fame-hungry slut seducing Noah in a cupboard, or a crazed fan lusting after him and thinking herself in love, when he was just using her for a bit of light relief.
But the thing was, neither of those were true. They were all an act—every theory, every story.
And, underneath them all, she was still Eloise Miller. Still in love with