“Why?” Holly hoped he wouldn’t tell her to mind her own business.
“Several years ago I stood up at the weddings of several best buddies, guys with hearts of gold who’d gladly give you the shirt off their backs.” Luc fiddled with his soda can. “I’d never seen them as committed as when they married their wives. They were determined to make it work, ready to put their all into it. Later they all had kids and seemed so happy. I envied them.”
Holly said nothing, giving Luc time to gather his thoughts.
“I didn’t know those marriages weren’t even close to perfect. Now, one by one, each is ending in divorce.” Luc swallowed. “The morning we found Henry I’d just come from my friend Pete’s. He’s the latest casualty.” His face was troubled.
“Talk to me, Luc.” Holly heard a world of pain in his stark words. He needed a friend and for once she wanted to be the one to help him.
“When I saw him, Pete was devastated, sitting in his truck, a shell of himself. He’s lost his wife, his kids, his home. The love I envied five years ago is gone.” He shook his head. “It was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen.”
“I’m so sorry.” The depth of his dejection touched her. “But that doesn’t mean your relationships will fail. You just haven’t found the right woman yet.”
“I don’t think love has to do with finding the right person, Holly. I’m not even sure there is a right person for me to find.” Luc looked at her, his eyes dark. “Love is something you give, freely, unreservedly. How do you put your world together when the person you loved no longer wants you?”
“I wish I had the answer.” Holly prayed desperately for words to soothe his stark hurt but couldn’t find them. How could she help her friend?
“I’m no expert.” His forehead pleated in a frown. “By everything I saw, those marriages should have worked. But my friends lost love and their dreams.”
Holly felt stunned by Luc’s desolation. She wanted him to expel the rejection from his heart so it couldn’t hurt him anymore. As if! In five months she hadn’t expelled Ron’s accusations. Not yet. Not completely. “Go on, Luc.”
“Sarah told me she didn’t want to marry me after we’d been seriously discussing our future for several months.” He shook his head as if he still couldn’t believe it. “We’d even decided to get married in Tahiti because she said Buffalo Gap was too ‘primitive.’”
That should have been a warning sign, Holly thought, but she kept silent.
“I agreed to almost all the conditions she set until she wanted me to sell my ranch.” Luc smiled grimly when Holly reared back. “She told me she could never move here, so far from the city and her friends.” Luc’s face bore a pained look as if it hurt to admit the rest.
“I get the picture,” Holly muttered, wishing she’d met this woman so she could have told her what a great guy Luc was.
“I didn’t. Not until I insisted on keeping the ranch.” His lips pinched together.
“Oh, Luc.” Holly could almost guess the rest.
“She called Buffalo Gap Hicksville and hinted nothing here could possibly live up to city life. She said she wanted a husband to be proud of. She made fun of me for loving ranching, said I was wasting myself on cattle.” His face telegraphed his sense of betrayal. “She said she wanted a husband to be proud of, not some guy smelling of manure, stuck in a mindless routine of chores.”
“It’s a good thing she broke it off,” Holly burst out angrily. “Because if she hadn’t, you would have. She would never have worked as a ranch wife.”
“No, she wouldn’t.” Luc nodded. “But that’s when I understood that I was just like my buddies. I gave everything to Sarah and she threw it in my face. That’s when I knew that whatever I’d felt for her wouldn’t survive the test of marriage. She hated everything I stood for. I made a mistake loving her.”
“I’m not sure loving someone is ever a mistake. Love’s not the problem,” Holly mused.
“No, judgment is,” Luc said. “My heart blinded me, which is bad enough. But my poor judgment is what scares me.”
The sting of his admission reached deep inside Holly. Luc was one of the best men she knew. She didn’t want him to hurt like this.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, knowing it wasn’t enough.
“Now I know how you must have felt when Ron walked away, Holly. It’s like being a kid again and having my world torn apart.” His hands fisted at his sides and pressed against his worn denim jeans. “I will never go through that again.”
“You can find someone else. There’s nothing saying your marriage has to end like your friends’ marriages did.” Holly wished she knew how to help him.
“There’s no guarantee it wouldn’t. Sarah fit all my requirements for an ideal wife. That’s why I started dating her. But I saw the outward beauty and missed what was inside. If we’d married and then split, it could have cost me the ranch...” His voice trailed away.
Love had cost Holly a great deal. She had no advice to erase the wistful sadness on Luc’s face.
“I’ve accepted that I’m never getting married so it’s a moot point now. But I refuse to give up all my dreams,” he said sternly. “I am going to have a son. That son will be Henry.”
“Luc, I—” Holly stopped when his fingertips covered her lips.
“Don’t say it, okay?” he begged, his voice soft, intense. “I need this dream so badly.”
Holly frowned, wanting to understand.
“You don’t know what it’s like to suddenly lose your home, your family, everything. You’re a little kid that no one cares about.” Luc’s intensity grabbed her heart. “I made do, I pretended, I fit in as best I could and concentrated on getting through.”
Holly could see him in her mind’s eye, a little boy, like Henry, pretending all was well, not making a fuss in case the family he was with asked to have him removed. And then at night, after the lights went out and he was alone in his bed, she could see him tear up, yearning for someone to say I love you, Luc. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.
That was the legacy her father had given Holly after her mother had left without saying goodbye. Pain stabbed her heart that Luc had lost that security. How could he not want to adopt Henry as his son and begin building his family?
“Dreaming of having a child was the one thing that kept me going through five very rough years in the oil fields.” His face tightened. “I did some things, accepted some dangerous jobs on the rigs so that I could earn enough money to buy my ranch. I want to make a legacy, to reinstate the Cramer name as something to be proud of. I want to pass something on to Henry. He is the son I’ve longed for. I can’t let go of this dream, Holly.”
As his hand slid away from her face, Holly blinked at the loss rushing through her. She was heart-sore for this kind, generous man who only wanted simple things—a family, a home. Things other people took for granted.
“Then if that’s your dream we’d better make sure there’s no reason to deny appointing you as Henry’s guardian, hadn’t we?” she said finally. Her heart thudded at the joy exploding across his face.
“Thank you, Holly.” Luc’s smile made Holly’s breath catch.
Why did she suddenly have such a strong reaction to him? Because she’d seen past the carefree persona he presented, to the man inside.
Luc was her best friend. Neither of them was willing to trust enough to love again. What they had in common only heightened their friendship. It was good to know nothing between them had changed.